What should I do?

[lostandscared5]

What should I do? I am currently dating someone whom I care about deeply and want him to be my boyfriend, but his indecision is also driving a wedge between our friendship/relationship. Until the day he tells me he wants to be together with me I will always question if I am someone he takes seriously and want to be together with me or just someone he wants a relationship with without the commitment. Is he doing this to lead me on? Is he serious about this? Are we meant to be close friends, those who share a foundation of trust, honesty and communication; ones who are happy just hanging out with each other and not meant to be a couple?

 

We're briefly dated each other for a while a year or so ago but that didn't work out, cuz we were too young at the time. Now we're talking about it again, and I am reconsidering it, is he also? Or is it just me? Cuz if he is reconsidering it, then he would want to be my boyfriend right? I am really frustrated. How can he not know what he wants? How am I supposed to make decisions based on his indecisions? Why would he hold hands with me and kiss me if he doesn't have any plans to be my boyfriend? Has the relationship between the two of us change at all? Should I treat him like my close friend or someone whom I just started dating? Should I care if he doesn't text me and call me as often as I would like now that we are dating or just brush it aside and let it go like I used to when we were just close friends with one another? Am I thinking too much? Am I making things more complicated than it needs to be?

 

Oh yeah, his reason for not being my boyfriend was he thinks he doesn't measure up to me as my boyfriend. Is that the truth or just an excuse not to be my boyfriend? I see that as being cowardly but I don't know. I know that he has never had a serious relationship before this so it's understandable how he could not be comfortable with the idea and why he would think that, cuz he's inexperienced. But it could also be an excuse.

 

Am I selling myself short? Should I wait around for him until he comes to his senses? Should I just sit back let him make all the moves in this relationship even though I am not happy with that? I know guys are especially slow when it comes around to expressing their feelings and stuff. And I am in no hurry to get a boyfriend. I can put him on the back burner and focus on other parts of my life. I know I can deal with this cuz I have enotalone, my friends and family, God as my support network throughout this whole thing and I will do survive. I am going in the process of looking for a job, so I can focus most of my attention on that.

 

As for contacting him, maybe, or I can just play hard to get. After all, it does seem like he is taking this too lightly, nonchalantly, so I guess I will do the same. Not contacting him, not texting him back, not talking to him on the phone (unless he calls first), not hanging out with him (at times when it would work out best for him), not letting him hold my hand or kiss me and see what his reaction would be when we are together), if I can do it, I will try my best to at least.

 

Any comments, suggestions and advice, my fellow enotalone friends? Any is welcome

[Ellie2006]

i think you should consider him someone you're casually dating. which is not going to be easy, bc it sounds like you care for him.

 

but, notwithstanding his reason for not wanting to "make things official," the ones who shuffle their feet in the beginning and express a lot of doubt generally (not always but almost always) do NOT change much as the relationship progresses. if he's lax about contacting you now, what's going to change that, just bc you guys become bf-gf? unless you like taking charge in a relationship, this may not work out, even if he ever comes around to asking you to be his gf.

 

maybe you can date him a bit more but what i'd really like to tell you is to cut this guy loose and find someone who's ready and willing to enter a relationship with you.

[lostandscared5]

Hi Ellie2006, thank you for your input. I will take this one day at a time and see what happens. As for cutting him loose, I don't think I can do that. Our friendship is way too valuable to the both of us for either one of us to do that. Yeah, I don't like taking charging in a relationship, but he did say he will text me when he has time. As for dating and finding a guy to be my boyfriend, there really is no rush to that.

[Ellie2006]

hi, if you are willing to wait for him to come around, if you are willing to give him some more time, i dont think there's anything wrong with that.

 

i dont want to push the issue (since i think if you want to take things slow to see how things turn out b/t you two, that's perfectly fine!) but i only want to add this one more tidbit: I was friends first with all of my exes. some i was able to remain friends with. others, not so much.

 

the ones who hurt me the most, ironically, were those who i thought were my "best friend" at that time, someone who i totally trusted to never hurt me and to always be my "friend," regardless of whatever happened to the relationship. and so i never prepared myself for how some of them misused that trust. i just could never believe they would be capable of such a thing. until they did.

 

but but but i am getting ahead of myself so perhaps this point is moot.

 

in any event, i am NOT saying, of course, that you should be wary of him all the time. but just, to guard your heart.

 

good luck!

[lostandscared5]

Thank you ellie2006, your help is much appreciated!!!!!!!!!

[lostandscared5]

Ellie2006 I do want to know how they misuse that trust and why they would do such a thing? Was your friendship with them salvagable? Please email me and tell me more if you don't mind. Perhaps hearing about your situation could bring me valuable insight as to what I should be preparing myself for if I do decide to wait around for him and decide to be together with him. I look forward to hearing from you. Again this is up to you, whether you want to tell me or not what happened. I would really appreciate it though.