Protective OR possesive are they same thing?

[sweeth tooth cadet]

I want everyone to write here if they think being possesive or being protective are the same thing or if they are different things. Any comment is welcomed as well, as examples of one or the other are welcomed too..

[Seraphim]

They are different. Protective is meant tobe helpful and caring, possessive is meant to impede and control.

[abitbroken]

Totally different. Protective is standing up to someone who is insulting your girl/guy. Possessive is freaking out if anyone comes up and talks to your girl/guy.

[sweeth tooth cadet]

can u give me some example or examples please

[jettison]

100% different.

 

Protective is rooted in care.

 

Possessive is rooted in ego.

[Seraphim]

100% different.

 

Protective is rooted in care.

 

Possessive is rooted in ego.

 

Yuppero...

[CaptainNapalm]

Completely different things. Protective: is to behave towards someone in a guarding fashion with "their" best interest in mind. Possessive: is to behave towards someone in a guarding fashion with "your" best interest in mind.

 

For example, a protective person will try to prevent their partner from going to a party because they fear their partner may get too drunk and get hurt. A possessive person will try to prevent their partner from going to the same party because they fear their partner may get too drunk and cheat on them. A protective person will tell their partner not to follow their dream and make a career move because they genuinely fear their partner is not suited for the move and may be hurting themselves long run. A possessive person will tell their partner not to follow their dream and make a career move because they feel that it may take away from the time in their relationship or make things worse between them.

[DN]

Protective is about your partner.

Possessive is about you.

[rosephase]

I think a lot of things that are called protective are actually possessive.

I don't really like having partners that act protective, it's like the are making the assumption that I need protection, that I can't handle myself. If I need or want protection I ask for it. When people step in to protect me I often feel like it is more about being controlling. Sure what they are trying to control is my level of "safety" or "comfort" but I feel like all adults should be in charge of there own safety and comfort and when a partner or a friend steps in I often feel they are telling me that they know me better then I do.

 

I know for sure that when I'm feeling protective of my partners it comes from a possessive place. I want to "protect" them from harm. And I want to protect them by controlling there actions or the actions of people around them.

 

I don't know if that make since. I feel like the desire to keep loved ones safe or protected comes from a selfish place. A controlling place. Umm, I can't really find the right words for it.

[nutbrownhare]

I guess it can be a question of perspective, too - comparable to 'I am a traveller, you are a tourist; they are trippers'!

 

I have heard possessive people rationalise it as being 'protective' so that they could keep the moral high ground whilst controlling their partner's movements, friends etc.

 

The difference is that the person who is genuinely caring of the other ('protective'), rather than controlling ('possessive'), can make their views felt - and then let go the outcome. They will respect the other person as an adult human being capable of making their own decisions, rather than needing to be told what to do, who to see etc.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Protective is about your partner.

Possessive is about you.

 

Spot on. I agree.

 

Another big difference is that protective is seeing your partner as equal, while possessive is seeing them like an object.