If you can't beat em...

[hexaemeron]

I've seen seeing lots of threads for awhile now where a lot of people basically believe finding true monogamy will be impossible for them, because they think their intended sex of interest is incapable of it, or at least, has been in their own experience.

 

That being the case... why not explore other options in relationships?

[metrogirl]

Such as????? open relationships?

[hexaemeron]

Such as????? open relationships?

 

Open relationships, fwb situations, sexless companionships, etc.

[Sanesoul]

I think because they want a more fulfilling life. Compromising your values doesn't solve anything unless you actively want and do change your values.

 

If you just give up hope that you can have a monogamous relationship, then you won't be happy.

[EQIQ]

To be honest with you, I have become somewhat scared of relationships after spending too much time in ENA lol

But it is not just because we have failed at finding what we wanted the first, second or third time around that we gonna give up, because we know it is out there just takes time and patience.

[Batya33]

I always believed in monogamy and that the man I chose would be more than capable of, indeed embrace, monogamy and when I met men who did not want a monogamous relatiosnhip with me that was a dealbreaker no matter who he was and how attracted I was. I wanted marriage and a child/chilldren and I would not feel comfortable raising a child outside of a stable marriage. I don't judge others for having open relationships except it does concern me when children are involved - I don't think that's a healthy situation for them and they have no choice in the matter, so it's unfair to them.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

I think because they want a more fulfilling life. Compromising your values doesn't solve anything unless you actively want and do change your values.

 

If you just give up hope that you can have a monogamous relationship, then you won't be happy.

 

This is exactly right. It isn't one of those cases where "you never know until you try". You either can tolerate open relationships or you cannot.

 

Instead of focusing so much on relationships, I say people with these fears and concerns take a break from the obsession of finding that "ONE" and work on their own issues for a while.

 

I like your point on the flipside though; if you find monogamy difficult, but think it is the "right" thing to do... let go and accept that open relationships would be smarter for you.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Additionally, global and numerous studies of incidence of extramarital sex (while more prevalent in westernized cultures and amongst men) never even come close to reaching a majority. Still, to this day, most people can succeed in monogamy.

 

Our perceptions are skewed because infidelity is so scandalous and dramatic. This website is an open sore for infidelity and paranoia. It does not reflect individual realities perfectly.

 

Still, I would like to see the taboo of said other options shaken off. I truly believe if we could societally stop judging and freaking out over people who do not choose monogamy, we would not see so much infidelity. We are trying to force square pegs into round holes here and it will not be pretty.

 

Ok that sounded dirty hehe

[FarthestEdge]

Open relationships, fwb situations, sexless companionships, etc.

 

I think a lot of LTR's have the 'sexless companionships' angle covered...

 

haha...

 

IMO the things really worth having are seldom easy to achieve, and the pursuit is as important as the goal itself. If you just give up on things and take the easy route, you're not going to be satisfied with the outcome....

 

If what you believe is right for you is a L/T committed, monogamous relationship, then compromising for an easier path won't bring you contentedness. On the contrary, your expectations for it will be higher precisely BECAUSE you compromised. Which will lead to more intense disappointment.

 

If your dream is to travel to Egypt, but you can't afford it, going to the Egyptian exhibit at your local museum won't be a suitable substitute. It might be nice for an afternoon, but most likely, you'll just want that trip even MORE after a day at the museum.

[Tarkan]

Most people in the world are polygamous.

 

The human is an animal, just a bit more evolved. Like an animal, we have the same needs. Sex is one of them ! I think that deep inside, we all want to have sex around with multiple partners. But in our society, we have been conditionized to feel bad about it.

 

There's also another explanation for it: Our feelings or somehow also more evolved then those of animals. That's how love was born. But love is irrational. Certain people will connect love and sex to eachother, others can separate it. I can understand that, for the first one, seeing their SO having sex with another person can make them feel bad. But like I said in another thread of your hexa, I think that alot of people can't handle jealousy, fear and possesion. That's why they chose for one partner, because it offers the stability and they need. Like a guarantee to appease their fears for the unknown !

 

I must say that I feel much more safe around a girl that talks about this. That is honest enough to tell me that she has those needs. The last girl I dated was into threesomes and open relationships. I just don't have to fear anything with her because I know what to expect. I also don't feel any pressure around her because everything is fine for her, as long as I talk about it !

 

My golden rule tough: If you want to have sex with other people, you also have to accept the same for your partner. Otherwise their is imbalance. It's also important that you tell people right away if you're into polygamy or monogamy. In your other thread we learned that neither of them is bad, just that you have to be honest about it

 

Still, I would like to see the taboo of said other options shaken off. I truly believe if we could societally stop judging and freaking out over people who do not choose monogamy, we would not see so much infidelity. We are trying to force square pegs into round holes here and it will not be pretty.

 

Very well said !! There would be more people that are honnest about being into polygamy if society wasn't judging and demonising them !

[turnera]

The point is, if you don't want to be monagamous, you should not subject another person to choosing you, thinking that you WILL be. Be man enough to admit it before you destroy that person's life.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Most people in the world are polygamous.

 

The human is an animal, just a bit more evolved. Like an animal, we have the same needs. Sex is one of them ! I think that deep inside, we all want to have sex around with multiple partners. But in our society, we have been conditionized to feel bad about it.

 

Monogamous cultures are most predominant. There are definitely some polygamous cultures, but much fewer. I'm not sure if most people have the desire to be polygamous, but possibly have the desire to engage in serial monogamy.

 

I don't know many people at all who desire to sleep with a number of people in the same time period; even men, but it is certainly more common than our society likes to admit.

 

Acceptance of these different arrangements could take generations before there would be a shift in their incidence, though.

[EQIQ]

The point is, if you don't want to be monagamous, you should not subject another person to choosing you, thinking that you WILL be. Be man enough to admit it before you destroy that person's life.

 

Speaks truth!

[Tarkan]

Monogamous cultures are most predominant. There are definitely some polygamous cultures, but much fewer. I'm not sure if most people have the desire to be polygamous, but possibly have the desire to engage in serial monogamy.

 

I don't know many people at all who desire to sleep with a number of people in the same time period; even men, but it is certainly more common than our society likes to admit.

 

Acceptance of these different arrangements could take generations before there would be a shift in their incidence, though.

 

Actually, more then 2/3 of the culutures in the world are polygamous or partially polygamous. You can check out the internet or sociology books for that. Examples are the Islamic countries, which are many around the world

[Sanesoul]

Actually, more then 2/3 of the culutures in the world are polygamous or partially polygamous. You can check out the internet or sociology books for that. Examples are the Islamic countries, which are many around the world

 

Yes, but that is one-sided. It's about the men having multiple partners, not the women, so it's not balanced.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Actually, more then 2/3 of the culutures in the world are polygamous or partially polygamous. You can check out the internet or sociology books for that. Examples are the Islamic countries, which are many around the world

 

I saw a few statistics briefly in searching that showed otherwise, but I believe you.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Yes, but that is one-sided. It's about the men having multiple partners, not the women, so it's not balanced.

 

Ya, there is a slight skewing to the mindset of majority polygamy when you consider the fact many of these relationships are enslavements, business arrangements and even more societally conditioned than monogamy is in western cultures.

 

It is almost impossible to know the exact proportions of people's sexual inclinations because of societal influence. There's a culture pushing something everywhere!

[Sanesoul]

Ya, there is a slight skewing to the mindset of majority polygamy when you consider the fact many of these relationships are enslavements, business arrangements and even more societally conditioned than monogamy is in western cultures.

 

It is almost impossible to know the exact proportions of people's sexual inclinations because of societal influence. There's a culture pushing something everywhere!

 

Absolutely, but I also think that if you want to be monogamous, then you shouldn't feel like you are doing it because it's what society/religion tells you. You do it because it's what you want as an individual. Nothing else matters, really.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Absolutely, but I also think that if you want to be monogamous, then you shouldn't feel like you are doing it because it's what society/religion tells you. You do it because it's what you want as an individual. Nothing else matters, really.

 

It's true. In the end, you only have yourself. Why spend your life searching for something that isn't really what your heart wants??

 

Granted, it may change over the course of time but my policy is to know what I want and kindly search it out in others.

[CaptainNapalm]

I've seen seeing lots of threads for awhile now where a lot of people basically believe finding true monogamy will be impossible for them, because they think their intended sex of interest is incapable of it, or at least, has been in their own experience.

 

That being the case... why not explore other options in relationships?

 

Good point and good idea to explore other relationships but if there are so many loyal people posting countless threads assuming they won't be able to find a loyal partner then doesn't that just confirm that there are still many available loyal souls around, we just have to search harder? I think that at least half of people who carry this train of thought have insecurity issues of their own and that's why they feel the way they feel rather than this being someone else's problem.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Because those people who say they've given up on relationships are really just being overly dramatic and don't mean it.

[agent1607307371]

I've seen seeing lots of threads for awhile now where a lot of people basically believe finding true monogamy will be impossible for them, because they think their intended sex of interest is incapable of it, or at least, has been in their own experience.

 

That being the case... why not explore other options in relationships?

 

Because open relationships are not free of infidelity. I have first hand experience of that. Liars lie, cheaters cheat and no matter how much of a free rein they have, they will still find a way.

[vertigoxo]

I don't want to believe that humans can't be monogamous. If that were true, then what's the point of falling in love?

 

I know sex and love are different. Some people can have sex and not even think about the person seconds straight after it's done. But a lot of people get attached and it hurts them when they learn that the other person doesn't think much of them afterward. Me being one of them.

 

Also, it feels so nice to know that the one you love loves you back and wants no one else but you. It feels nice to know that when you come home after work, that the one you love will run to you and kiss you hello, the kiss that no one else gets to have except you. I am a believer in people having a life separated from the relationship, but sex? I don't know. Especially now with the AIDS epidemic, one must be very careful with who you sleep with.

[Blue Spiral]

There was a time when I couldn't even imagine kissing someone I didn't have deep romantic feelings for. Then, when I actually got in a monogamous relationship, I quickly discovered two things: I am horrible at monogamy, and it made me miserable.

 

The truth is, my personality (I'm emotionally unavailable) and my circumstances (I have traits/want things that relationship-seeking women don't like) makes monogamy an uphill battle, so I gave up on it some time ago. I'm the last person anyone would expect--I'm super-clean-cut, geeky, and I don't even drink or smoke.

 

It's kind of a "chicken or the egg" situation, though. Did I become like this because it was my only option, or was I always this way, and I just had to suffer through a few relationships to realize it?

[turnera]

Yes, but that is one-sided. It's about the men having multiple partners, not the women, so it's not balanced.

So very true. In those same countries, the woman can be killed for having another partner, while the man can have as many as he wants.

 

It's all about the male's sex drive, isn't it? How many times have I heard men say they'll take it anywhere, any time, any kind, as long as it's breathing? Just yesterday, in fact. IMO, many men want a woman to replace their mother, but they also want to be free to have as much sex, and as varied sex, as they can get. Finding a woman who has that kind of goal is a lot harder, IMO.

 

You don't get emotional connections from one night stands, and that's the main reason women typically have sex. From what I've learned, the kind of men who want to be polygamous just want a ton of sex and don't care where it comes from.