If you can't beat em...

[Cognitive_Canine]

So very true. In those same countries, the woman can be killed for having another partner, while the man can have as many as he wants.

 

It's all about the male's sex drive, isn't it? How many times have I heard men say they'll take it anywhere, any time, any kind, as long as it's breathing? Just yesterday, in fact. IMO, many men want a woman to replace their mother, but they also want to be free to have as much sex, and as varied sex, as they can get. Finding a woman who has that kind of goal is a lot harder, IMO.

 

You don't get emotional connections from one night stands, and that's the main reason women typically have sex. From what I've learned, the kind of men who want to be polygamous just want a ton of sex and don't care where it comes from.

 

But you are also dismissing the woman that have sex drive equal to that of a man's. I could have sex more than my boyfriend. Our amount is dictated by his soreness level.

[rosephase]

I don't want to believe that humans can't be monogamous. If that were true, then what's the point of falling in love?

 

I'm polyamorous I believe humans can make any type of relationships they put there minds to. I'm not mono and falling in love is the best thing in the whole world. It's one of the reasons I'm no mono because I can be in my long term loving relationships and fall in love with other people.

 

 

Also, it feels so nice to know that the one you love loves you back and wants no one else but you. It feels nice to know that when you come home after work, that the one you love will run to you and kiss you hello, the kiss that no one else gets to have except you. I am a believer in people having a life separated from the relationship, but sex? I don't know. Especially now with the AIDS epidemic, one must be very careful with who you sleep with.

 

People always love more then one person. They love there parents or there best friend. Hell, a lot of mono people are even IN romantic love with others they just don't act on it.

 

And no matter what I get kissed like no one else in my partner's relationships. My kiss with someone else is always just for them in that moment. It's strange to me that people have a hard time rapping there heads around that one. Just because my boyfriend is in love and having sex with another woman doesn't mean that when we have sex it isn't just the two of us. It doesn't mean his kisses are less special just because he kisses others.

 

It's a different point of view not a different planet.

[Clarity]

Most people in the world are polygamous.

 

The human is an animal, just a bit more evolved. Like an animal, we have the same needs. Sex is one of them ! I think that deep inside, we all want to have sex around with multiple partners. But in our society, we have been conditionized to feel bad about it.

 

You write this as if all animals are polygamous.

 

If you want to start using animal arguments - why do you think humans feel the need for sex with multiple partners? Do you really want to have that many kids? If it's just for pleasure, then I believe dolphins are the *only* animals who are known to have sex for pleasure, other than humans.

 

I think comparing humans to animals is pretty baseless, especially when it comes to relationships.

[rosephase]

YIf it's just for pleasure, then I believe dolphins are the *only* animals who are known to have sex for pleasure, other than humans.

 

from wikipedia about Bonobos who are genetically some of our closest relatives:

 

"Sexual intercourse plays a major role in bonobo society observed in captivity, being used as what some scientists perceive as a greeting, a means of conflict resolution, and post-conflict reconciliation. Bonobos are the only non-human animal to have been observed engaging in all of the following sexual activities: face-to-face genital sex, tongue kissing, and oral sex.[24] (Although a pair of Western Gorillas have been photographed performing face to face genital sex[25]) In scientific literature, the female-female behavior of touching genitals together is often referred to as GG rubbing or genital-genital rubbing.

 

The sexual activity happens within the immediate family as well as outside it. Bonobos do not form permanent relationships with individual partners. They also do not seem to discriminate in their sexual behavior by sex or age, with the possible exception of abstaining from sexual intercourse between mothers and their adult sons; some observers believe these pairings are taboo. When Bonobos come upon a new food source or feeding ground, the increased excitement will usually lead to communal sexual activity, presumably decreasing tension and allowing for peaceful feeding.[26]

 

Bonobo males occasionally engage in various forms of male-male genital behavior (frot).[27][28] In one form, two males hang from a tree limb face-to-face while "penis fencing".[29][30] Frot also may occur when two males rub their penises together while in face-to-face position. A special form of frot called "rump rubbing" occurs to express reconciliation between two males after a conflict, when they stand back-to-back and rub their scrotal sacs together. Takayoshi Kano observed similar practices among bonobos in the natural habitat.

 

Bonobo females also engage in female-female genital behavior, possibly to bond socially with each other, thus forming a female nucleus of Bonobo society. The bonding among females allows them to dominate Bonobo society—although male Bonobos are individually stronger, they cannot stand alone against a united group of females.[30] Adolescent females often leave their native community to join another community. Sexual bonding with other females establishes the new females as members of the group. This migration mixes the Bonobo gene pools, providing genetic diversity."

[Clarity]

Ok, I'm sorry, there are two species out of thousands.

 

My point was not a correction about animal facts, but rather that using animals as a basis for human behaviour is pointless. You can always find counter-examples to examples given, as you have so kindly shown once again.

[rosephase]

Ok, I'm sorry, there are two species out of thousands.

 

My point was not a correction about animal facts, but rather that using animals as a basis for human behaviour is pointless. You can always find counter-examples to examples given, as you have so kindly shown once again.

 

You are right about that. Using animals or what we *think* our basic instincts are is irrelevant. It's about what we want. About how we go about getting it and what be believe.

 

I know I can love multiple people at one time. I know I can be faithful in a non-monogamous relationship while I struggle greatly while in a monogamous relationship. I know that different people have different things that they want.

 

I feel that ethical non-monogamy should be more of a valid option. I would love it if we got to a place where people knew it was an option and that even people who didn't choose that option didn't feel that is was not moral or "bad for children". But things like that take time.

[turnera]

But you are also dismissing the woman that have sex drive equal to that of a man's. I could have sex more than my boyfriend. Our amount is dictated by his soreness level.

 

Generally speaking, you will find 99 men for every woman with a comparable sex drive. It's just biology, driven by the species' need to procreate.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Generally speaking, you will find 99 men for every woman with a comparable sex drive. It's just biology, driven by the species' need to procreate.

 

I doubt that's scientific.

 

I think while guys tend to have a slightly higher sex drive, the reason women have lower sex drive is not driven by biology.

 

A lot of lowered sex drive is caused by hormonal birth control. The other is social pressures. Sex drive is mostly mental. So, if a person is taught that it's normal to have low to no sex drive, then they will most likely conform to that.

 

My sex drive is higher than my boyfriends. A majority of my girlfriends rival their boyfriends.

[dragon lady]

I've given up on the idea that most humans can be monogamous. I see infidelity and attempts at it all around me every day. In my family, among my friends, co-workers, strangers. Everywhere! So many people are blind to it and think they have decent partners, but so many don't.

 

I'm still not ready to accept an open relationship for myself. I'd much rather be single than allow that. My desire for a romantic relationship is based on the idea that the other person only desires me. There's no room for a third.

 

I just hope and pray to whatever force might be out there that my boyfriend is not one of the cheating types that I despise. His stated "values" suggest otherwise, but his only his actions and time will tell.

[turnera]

I doubt that's scientific.

 

I think while guys tend to have a slightly higher sex drive, the reason women have lower sex drive is not driven by biology.

 

A lot of lowered sex drive is caused by hormonal birth control. The other is social pressures. Sex drive is mostly mental. So, if a person is taught that it's normal to have low to no sex drive, then they will most likely conform to that.

 

My sex drive is higher than my boyfriends. A majority of my girlfriends rival their boyfriends.

 

Check any medical book. Psychology book. Sociology book. You'll find it.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Check any medical book. Psychology book. Sociology book. You'll find it.

 

I studied Biology and Psychology in college.

 

I still say while there is a difference, it's not that vast. Social differences between the genders makes the gap larger.

[thejigsup]

I've met very few, if any, monogamous men and just a few women. I do believe many humans are not naturally programmed for monogamy, society molds you that way. I am monogamous mostly beause I do not have the time to be otherwise. It's as simple as that. If a gorgeous man came along and wanted a fun night, I would be good to go! If the same thing happened for my bf, I would not think less of him if he strayed a bit. If monogamy is of primary importance for you, than you should find someone who feels the same way. I don't expect monogamy, so I don't check up on my bf or anything like that. As long as he treats me with respect, I'm fine. I'm a very busy person and I don't have time to police him, nor do I want to. I think most men cheat, so I imagine he has. By the way, I have a voracious sex drive and so does my bf, so we are equal in that respect. I have had a few gentlemen friends who have had no desire for sex. My best friend is married to one. In my experience, it is an individual thing, not based on gender at all!

[vertigoxo]

I don't disrespect you for being polyamorous. You are who you are and I respect it.

 

However, with me, I would love to have a monogamous relationship with someone else who wants it as well. Humans get jealous because of a primal instinct to want to have their fathers/mothers around when the offsprings are born; It's like two birds having sex, the mother laying eggs, and she gets mad when the father tries to fly away with another female. He did what he had to do, so he might as well stay around and experience the joy of having a beautiful family with the original female bird! (Stupid analogy, but whatever.)

 

Love comes in many different ways; Family love, mother/father to son/daughter love, platonic love, spiritual love to your religion/God/Goddess, and finally romantic love.

[greywolf]

Monogamous cultures are most predominant. There are definitely some polygamous cultures, but much fewer. I'm not sure if most people have the desire to be polygamous, but possibly have the desire to engage in serial monogamy.

 

I have a feeling that has a lot to do with the predominant religion.

[greywolf]

Check any medical book. Psychology book. Sociology book. You'll find it.

 

Psychology and sociology books will usually tell you that a woman's sex dress has a lot to do with social and cultural factors.

[dragon lady]

One of the difference between humans and animals: The ego. Without ego, sharing wouldn't be a problem. And we're talking about sharing in both ways then.

 

Well, last time I checked I was a human being. And it IS a problem for me.

[Tarkan]

Well, last time I checked I was a human being. And it IS a problem for me.

 

Sure it is. But the ego is what causes all the pain in the world.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I don't think my monogamous nature stems from my ego. I think I'm just wired that way. Maybe it's society, I really don't know. But, I want to be in a monogamous relationship.

 

I think that's the beauty of being an animal that can think things out and feel things out rather than go by our instinctual design. We can choose to live the lifestyle that our hearts and minds push us towards. While I don't necessarily understand everything about polyamorus relationships, I feel the goal of love is the same and I can get behind that.

 

Love is like bread. Just follow me on this one. While I give my loaf to one person to share, a polyamourus person makes many loaves to give to the persons they desire. Each loaf is whole and they love that person just as completely as I love my one partner. They do not split their love and share it between partners. Meanwhile, I just have my one loaf to give. That doesn't make my love less or better or worse. It just means I can only share with one rather than more.

[pl3asehelp]

For me monogamy is the only option because I put all of my romantic and sexual feelings into my relationship, all of me 100% - there's nothing left there for anyone else. I'm similar in friendships - I don't have tons of friends because the ones I do have take so much time and effort to maintain the intimacy that I think is required for what my idea of friendship is that it would be impossible to have more than a few - the rest I just consider acquaintances. I have to have the same from a partner too - anything less than 100% and 'd feel you're holding back, which is just not what I'm looking for when I bond with someone.

[vertigoxo]

While I don't necessarily understand polyamorus relationships, I can understand them.

 

 

You don't understand them, yet you understand them?

 

Maaaaad deeeeep there! Haha you know I'm kidding hon.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You don't understand them, yet you understand them?

 

Maaaaad deeeeep there! Haha you know I'm kidding hon.

 

LOL. Good catch.

 

I have no idea what the heck I was going for there. I fixed it though. It makes sense (I hope).

[vertigoxo]

LOL. Good catch.

 

I have no idea what the heck I was going for there. I fixed it though. It makes sense (I hope).

 

Ahhh much better! Now I understand you, and I completely agree and feel the same way.