Can't work out my gender orientation.

[treeclimb]

I'm a bit confused about my gender orientation.

 

I can't work out if I'm straight, bi or gay.

 

Firstly, I'm not really bothered what I am, I don't think. Also, I don't really believe categorisation is that important - as I believe in being an individual rather than a label or a stereotype.

 

I'm not very sexually experienced at present. I am attracted to women. I sometimes like watching gay porn, and the idea of gay sex doesn't offend me if it were with the right person. Anal sex doesn't excite me that much. I find it hard to imagine wanting to be with a gay partner. That just kind of does nothing for me. And sometimes I just don't feel gay at all. I could imagine myself in a long term relationship with a female partner if it were the right person. Sometimes if I view porn, gay sex does nothing for me, other times straight sex does less for me than gay or bi porn. (OK. So someones going to ask what's with all the porn - but I don't watch it 24/7.)

 

Sometimes I wonder if the confusion might be somehow related to my confidence as a person.

 

Also, being bi seems a bit like sitting on the fence. Like you won't commit either way or that you are immature and indecisive wanting the best of both worlds. Or are so lustful that you want 'everything' and are 'greedy'.

 

Sex to me seems to be either like just a physical act or something deep and intimate and even funny and human in a relationship. So there is a difference between fantasy and reality. Does the fantasy world define you or the real world?

 

But like I said - it doesn't really worry me what I am. It's just that I can't say or don't know.

 

Any thoughts?

[kalaidoscopic]

Be careful, please, about the way you speak about bi people. being bi is no less valid than being any other orientation and i find what you said offensive.

it sounds to me like you are curious about gay sex, which is totally normal for straight men, but i don't think you are gay or bi. and if you don't care, then why do you want to know? just do your thing and fall in love with who you fall in love with. real love doesn't discriminate.

[Just Me85]

Well, unless someone asks you I guess its not really an issue, especially if your happy with not knowing.

 

You sound like a pretty open minded person. And you admitted that your quite inexperienced so this will add to your confusion.

 

I think its a case of trial and error ;-)

 

Most people go through a phase of not knowing, at least I know I did. I used to think I could be a lesbian when I was about 14, as a teenager I used to find girls more attractive, and I even experimented a little bit..but after a while I realised I was attracted to these girls out of admiration rather than a sexual attraction, it was more because I wanted to look like them! I know it sounds kinda weird but true.

 

I can still appreciate a womans beauty and find them attractive, but as time has passed I know I am definitely straight, its a different feeling I get with men, much more passionate and sexy ;-)

 

Just go with it, whatever feels comfortable and right at the time..if someone asks you just be honest and say your "open minded". Its not really anyone elses business but yours who or what turns you on.

 

xx

[greywolf]

Being bi is just as valid as other orientations. Also, being homosexual is not defined by anal sex. The last statistic I saw reported that gay couples practice anal sex at the same rate of heterosexual couples.

[hexaemeron]

Honestly, it sounds like you might be a candidate for an asexual nomenclature.

[treeclimb]

Honestly, it sounds like you might be a candidate for an asexual nomenclature.

 

Oh. I looked up google but I'm none the wiser. If it was a joke it was lost on me. If you meant something else I don't know what you mean.

[treeclimb]

Be careful, please, about the way you speak about bi people. being bi is no less valid than being any other orientation and i find what you said offensive.

it sounds to me like you are curious about gay sex, which is totally normal for straight men, but i don't think you are gay or bi. and if you don't care, then why do you want to know? just do your thing and fall in love with who you fall in love with. real love doesn't discriminate.

 

When I said 'I don't care' I meant 'I don't mind'. While I don't believe labels are everything they can serve as a means of understanding ourselves. Understanding ouselves and knowing ourselves is important - that's why I want to know.

[treeclimb]

Oh, by the way, my sexual drive is quite normal.

[treeclimb]

Be careful, please, about the way you speak about bi people. being bi is no less valid than being any other orientation and i find what you said offensive.

it sounds to me like you are curious about gay sex, which is totally normal for straight men, but i don't think you are gay or bi. and if you don't care, then why do you want to know? just do your thing and fall in love with who you fall in love with. real love doesn't discriminate.

 

I like your Yogananda quote.