what the heck is wrong with me!?

[Almost Real]

I am a 20 year old woman and have a big problem. I am totally indifferent about sex.

 

My friends all are in or out of relationships, having (or talking about) sex and attraction. I feel like a total outsider to all this. I have no desire. I have never even held hands with a man (or woman) and feel no urge to be physical with another person.

 

They don't understand when I try to explain, they think I'm afraid to fall in love, but I'm not , its just the lack physical desire.

 

When I was younger and my friends would go out to discos and spend the night kissing other people or having sex I just stayed at home with a book.

 

I like men ,in fact my best friend is a man, I can tell if a guy is good looking but I would sooner fly than kiss or touch him. People think I must be gay because I've never had a relationship but I feel no attraction to women either.

 

Once I got very drunk and let a man kiss me, I have never felt so awkard and reacted in a very immature manner (crying ect.) I was just disgusted that somone elses tongue was in my mouth.

 

I have no Idea why this might be, I was never abused or assaulted. I'm worried, will I be like this the rest of my life?What does this mean?

 

I've heard the term Asexual bandied about but I dont think it applies to women. I dont want to be different. Can anybody help me out?

[JonnyG]

hhhmmm, interesting post. Without trying to sound funny, have u gone through a normal puberty during your life?

 

U should talk to a sex councilor or something i would suggest. Maybe they could find the problem. Maybe if u tried u would find u actually like it? Maybe u haven't find that special person yet who will change your opinion.

[Mar]

There's nothing wrong with you, I can assure you of that. So you're not interested in sex, so what? It could just be that the right person hasn't come along to light that fire that makes you want to take it further and see what it's about. Don't worry about it too much-it could be that the chemicals that induce sexual desire in your brain/body just aren't as high as in others' bodies, but that's not a deficit by any means. Just means it takes a real attraction for it to be stimulated!

 

When you're ready to take the next step, your body will let you know. Till then, I wouldn't sweat it too much. As long as you feel alright physically and mentally, you're doing okay.

 

Mar

[single4good]

Yeah never heard of something like that before i kinda envy you in some ways....i think I think about it too much. If you are happy as a person and it doesnt bother you then that is ok.... if you feel like you are missing something i would suggest perhaps getting some professional adivice.

[cassiana]

I was like that too when I was your age and older. Modern times and magazines imply that theres something wrong with you in order to sell stuff but there isn't. You are just not ready yet. If you worry about it you will give yourself a mental block about it. When you are ready it will happen. In this world loads of people feel like you but just won't admit. If peoplr weren't so busy trying to impress each other then nobody would smoke. Most smokers hate it but keep at it until they are addicted to impress others generally. Sex is better than smoking. It may not be great the first few times and women reach their sexual peak in their thirties. If you relax about it it will come.

[Almost Real]

Thanks for your feedback everyone, nice to know I'm not some kind of mutation . Now all I have to do is try and explain this to my friends, mmmm.

[laroxes]

I've read your post & the responding posts twice & thought about your dilemma & came up with these thoughts on your problem. Could it be you have a hormonal problem that could be corrected with medication? See a doctor. Were your parents the type that didn't show physical affection to you & each other? We learn a lot from our parents example. Now that I think of it, my parents were very loving & yet I use to feel that I was too presumptious & overstepping the bounds of propriety if I were to hug or kiss others freely. In time I learned how we all need to be hugged & told we are loved. There are many forms of love & ways to be loved & they are not all sexual. A kiss can mean "I missed you." Or a hug can mean "It's so much fun to be with you." Sex is good & wonderful & I hope in time you feel the desire to share the thrill of it with one special someone.

[Derek]

I think you are totally normal. For alot of women, sex is not the priority that the media/society and men seem to have.

 

A previous poster was right, the media and advertising actively attempt to make us feel that we are missing something, and if we buy their product, then we will finally reach ultimate happiness. Remember the ads and articles in magazines are to sell the product (cars/music/movies/make-up/cigarettes/alchohol/sex) or the magazine/website/newspaper itself.

The ads don't exist to make you happy, they exist to make you feel sad and inadequate compared to their fantasy, thus making you buy their product.

 

Sounded like you read alot, so I wonder if you ever were interested in romance novels or even just character driven stories with complex relationships.

 

There is more to life than the physical parts.