im confused?

[dpressedone89]

hey im writing this to let people know im getting better as far as my cutting goes but, lately ive been have violent outbursts. for example, the other day i was at school and there is a rumor going around ab out me and well some kid kept making fun of me and im like warning him im not in a good mood and told him not to mess with me. well, he continued to the point where i snapped and we fought and i won but i beat him so brutally that i feel guilty.usually im not violent or easy to break but lately ive been on edge with the world and my temper is red hot. thats one of many fights ive been in in like 2 weeks.

 

im wondering if i should be concerned that im becoming increasingly violent and every time it takes a little less to set me off.the good news is i havent cut in about a week. ive been close to happy . think im in love and believe it or not thats probably a bad thing, but i like it so it doesnt matter. im getting put on anti depressants and mood stabilizers so it should make not cutting easier.

 

i wasnt sure where to put this post but if it belongs somewhere else im sorry. im seriously getting worried because i dont get mad alot and now i am. the reason is i never let my self get mad i bottled it up. when im mad im intense and evil. i get into fights im like a sadist ill just toy with them for a whil then ill get tough then ill toy with them again. is there something wrong with me?

[jessijess]

First of all, let me congradulate you on not cutting lately. Sounds like your doing better there. How long until you go on the meds? They could probaly help with your temper too. just remember that they usually take a while to get into your system & start to take effect. But in the mean time, try counting to 10 or simply walking away next time you get pissed.

 

I hope everything goes good for you!

[dpressedone89]

i go to get the perscription this wednesday and im wondering if i should just keep bottling things up i know its usually bad but in this case i dont know i hurt ppl i mean that kid has been in the hospital for over a week.

thank u i still need more advice though

-stitches

[jessijess]

bottling things up wont help because then its usually the smallest little thing that will set you off. try to just talk things out with your friends & family. sometimes just getting things off your chest & out in the open will help. let me know how it all goes!

[dpressedone89]

yeah i geuss ur right about not bottling it up its like when im at school and i have no one to talk to and ppl mess with me i cant just leave( well i can because my dad and my councelor saying that im emotionally unstable and if i leave i wont be punished) but i dont want ppl to feel sorry for me and i really dont want to use my condition as an exuse. what should i do i have so much anger and frustration around certain people that i have no choice but to be around that one little thing can cause me to snap. thanx again uve been helpful but i still need advice

-stitches

[guber88]

Maybe the decrease in cutting is due to the increase in fighting? Hrmmm, probably shouldn't point that out but ya...

[dpressedone89]

you probably shouldnt have pointed that out but im glad u did cuz ur right it is i just cant stop both i need help to calm my self down in the heat of the moment. physically fighting is not my strong point well i mean im good at it and i know what im doing its just i like to fight mentally it gives me kindof an edge because anyone can throw knuckles down but hardly any one can defend a mental attack i just cant calm down maybe its blood lust or something i scare myself when im mad. does any oone have advice on how to calm myself down? i need it and thanx for all advice so far

-stitches

[stream]

hi

i have found that doing deep breathing exercices and a simple positive visualization for about ten minutes in the morning really helped me when I knew that i was going into an environment where I might get triggered. what happens is by giving myself the good stuff (deep breathing and visualization) every morning i built up my stamina for dealing with the hard stuff when it came up for me.

 

if you decide to try this you should know in advance that it might take a couple of days before you notice any difference--so be patient--don't cut.. your visualization needs to be very clear, detailed, and about something positive. not a goal in the future but something that already exists, like an orchard of cherry blossoms, or how in the fall when the leaves change color and if you stand under them their big strong branches hold themselves perfectly still over your head and as the light streams down onto your smiling face the orange and red mingle and light is no longer just light. It is a kind of music without words that only you and the tree and the colors can hear. if you can see this and feel this as clearly and intensely as you feel the need to pee, or with time maybe your image intensity will equal your feelings of rage in the moment. then instead of lashing out there is room for you to grow through the rage without it controlling you. most of this stuff is about control anyway right? I know it is for me.

good luck

i am sooo happy to hear that you haven't cut yourself lately

stream

[stream]

hi

i have found that doing deep breathing exercices and a simple positive visualization for about ten minutes in the morning really helped me when I knew that i was going into an environment where I might get triggered. what happens is by giving myself the good stuff (deep breathing and visualization) every morning i built up my stamina for dealing with the hard stuff when it came up for me.

 

if you decide to try this you should know in advance that it might take a couple of days before you notice any difference--so be patient--don't cut.. your visualization needs to be very clear, detailed, and about something positive. not a goal in the future but something that already exists, like an orchard of cherry blossoms, or how in the fall when the leaves change color and if you stand under them their big strong branches hold themselves perfectly still over your head and as the light streams down onto your smiling face the orange and red mingle and light is no longer just light. It is a kind of music without words that only you and the tree and the colors can hear. if you can see this and feel this as clearly and intensely as you feel the need to pee, or with time maybe your image intensity will equal your feelings of rage in the moment. then instead of lashing out there is room for you to grow through the rage without it controlling you. most of this stuff is about control anyway right? I know it is for me.

good luck

i am sooo happy to hear that you haven't cut yourself lately

stream

[i_hate_the_world47]

I agree.Maybe you had to let out your anger somewhere else wen u started to stop cutting.i suggest you start talking to someon.Someone like a friend or a g/f or something.

 

~Meagan~

[pumkin_fairy]

totaly agree with i hate the world talking mite help you alot!

 

count to 10 and walk away

 

jenny

[iwillhelpyou02]