Should I be happy or frustrated???

[plop]

There's this shy guy I've been talking to 3-4 months now, and finally during the weekend, we decided to get together. (NOTE: He didn't ask me, it was a mutual decision) But I was still thrilled, because this was a big thing for both of us.

 

So I went over to his place which is far from mine and we hung out, watched movies, and just basically had a good time. And I really, really like him, and I feel like he feels the same way. Except he's never made physical contact yet, and the most I've made was tapping him on the shoulders in class (we're both 21). Everybody who is our friend is wondering when we're officialy going to date, and even his family treated me like I was his girlfriend. Yet, he never made a move! It was at his place, he should feel more comfortable, right? And then when I finally came home, I really wanted to give him a hug.... but for some reason, I didn't. Partially because I was disappointed that HE didn't make the first move, and I was also shy....

 

So basically what could have been a perfect night, I came home so frustrated and mad at myself.......

 

Please help.

[MontaEllis]

You should just straight up ask him. That's the only way you'll know. He'll either say "I like you and am just shy and I will make a move" or he'll say "I like you as a friend". Then, either way you know. It will make both your lives easier. To invite a girl over to your house to 'watch movies', and then have ZERO physical contact signals to me the guy is either scared of women and probably a virgin or just likes your company as a friend. It's hard to say from a forum. Good luck!

[plop]

The thing is, I'm really shy too. Why do you think I didn't even give him a hug, when I have no problem doing that to any others who I don't feel romantically attached?

There was this one time where we sat together on the couch to look at a book, and he didn't move afterwards. I don't know, but it SEEMED he wanted physical contact... I just wish he could be more upfront and brave about it. After all, I drove all those miles just to see him.

I really, really want to cry right now.

[MontaEllis]

Honestly, the more I read, the more it just seems like he's super shy and you're not giving him any signals. Maybe if you every once in a while grabbed his arm or rubbed his back for like 2 seconds to let him know you like him. Then, he should have the courage to make a move! Give him some signals and make it easy of both of you. That's the girls job. The girls job is to give some lighy physical contact, then the man should read that and escalate the contact to sexual eventually. That's kind of how dating works

[DylanNotorious]

He could be shy, or he could just really like you as a "good friend", you know, like a close friend and dosn't want to screw that up, by making moves on you.

 

How does he act around other girls?

[FoxMulder]

If you where the one who wanted to hug him you should have made the first move... But offcourse since you are a girl you would never do that... or take any initiatives what so ever. As usual it's ALWAYS the guy who has to do everything, take all the initiatives and always make the first move. How typical.

[plop]

^Before you judge, you don't know the whole story of HOW I got to know him and became friends with him. I used my own sense of judgement with that, too. Thank you.

[Brightest Dark]

But offcourse since you are a girl you would never do that... or take any initiatives what so ever. As usual it's ALWAYS the guy who has to do everything, take all the initiatives and always make the first move. How typical.

 

You sound pretty bitter about girls not making the move on you.

 

Plop - don't worry too much. Think of the positives. You had a great time overall. We always focus on the bad stuff rather than the good. I'm like that! (And FoxMulder, I've asked a guy out and made the first move and it didn't work out. And us girls are shy too.) Just be more prepared for next time. Well, don't over-prepare - but you know next time to maybe do something if he doesn't... so that you don't come home disappointed. Even if you joke 'Aren't you gonna give me a hug goodbye then!?' (that way you're letting him know you want one without being the one to actually do it).

[Jake]

plop I remember your story, honestly, you're moving at a really good pace if he's already having you over at his place in 3/4 months! You had a great time! Concentrate on that and don't worry about the physical part...that will come in due time. You're both shy and since it took 3-4 months to get to this point I'm sure its pretty obvious that he likes to move slow. So have alittle patience and enjoy the time you spend together.

 

 

-Jake

 

 

Edit: And to answer your question you should be very happy.

[plop]

Thank you for your replies. I'm feeling a little better... but I don't know why I feel so depressed about this.. I should be happy. And Jake, I'm glad you remember my story! How I feel special!

[Jake]

Yeah just try not to get too ahead of yourself.

Enjoy the hear/now and try not to overanalyze the situation because that can really kill your emotions towards dark ideas and bad scenarios, don't go there.

[FoxMulder]

You sound pretty bitter about girls not making the move on you.

 

Plop - don't worry too much. Think of the positives. You had a great time overall. We always focus on the bad stuff rather than the good. I'm like that! (And FoxMulder, I've asked a guy out and made the first move and it didn't work out. And us girls are shy too.) Just be more prepared for next time. Well, don't over-prepare - but you know next time to maybe do something if he doesn't... so that you don't come home disappointed. Even if you joke 'Aren't you gonna give me a hug goodbye then!?' (that way you're letting him know you want one without being the one to actually do it).

 

And are you shure it was because you made the first move? Maybe it didn't work out because of some complete other reason. I see girls using that excuse all the time but the fact is, plenty of relationships doesn't work out.

 

And yes I am bitter because girls have it too damn easy. Girls don't have to do anything, they always let the guy do all the work and initiate everything. Girls are always passive and the guy always has to be the active one in dating.

[plop]

^Now now, quit generalising and whining about us. You sound extremely immature at the moment.

 

Anyways, yes I've witnessed several girl-on-guy initiation ending in failures. (Including mine) It's hard for us, too.

[FoxMulder]

^Now now, quit generalising and whining about us. You sound extremely immature at the moment.

 

Anyways, yes I've witnessed several girl-on-guy initiation ending in failures. (Including mine) It's hard for us, too.

 

As I said, plenty of relationships end in failures, It doesn't necceserily have to be because the girl made the first move. There are alot of relationships that doesn't work out when the guy made the first move too, but that doesn't mean anything.

 

And no it is not hard for girls in any way, girls don't do anything. You don't have too. Girls always expect the guy to initiate everything and do all the work.

[UserLain]

Dude she just explicitly stated that an initiation she made ended in a failure and that doing so can be hard. Therefore "And no it is not hard for girls in any way, girls don't do anything" is invalid. Are you a girl? No? Then what do you know about it being hard for them?

I understand your frustration dude, I really do. I've called out a lot of girls on this forum for being hypocrites and not having the "balls" to make a move instead of complain, as well as called them out on the bull that its somehow magically a guy's duty to do everything. But you are attacking a whole gender. No girls do not ALWAYS expect a guy to initiate everything. A lot of girls do, it's true, and yes they are wrong. But don't expect a reasonable response to your generalized attack and invalidation of the difficulty a girl can face attempting to do the same things that guys have difficulty with. It seems you're very frustrated playing the role of the one who takes every risk, and I don't blame you. But it's up to you if you take on that role or not, and up to you how you deal with it. Please do not attack the poster, If you can be helpful, do so.