Stabbed in the heart.

[Lavender25]

This doesn't really belong in this forum but I thought I'd put it here since most of you know my story.

 

I came to this site after the relationship with my bf of 7 years ended. He has since moved on with one of my ex friends/ex coworkers and they have been dating for about 4 or 5 months now. I took the betrayal very hard because she was the one that I was telling all of my feelings to and now I wonder if she had plotted this all out from the moment I invited her into my life. She is not a very good person and you can read the whole story here:

 

I have since cut all contact with the both of them and have them blocked on facebook. Occasionally, I do search their names on google and I'm able to view their profile pictures. Why do I do that? Because I'm a masochist. Anyway, Their profile pictures used to be of them together but they have since changed. His is a baby photo of himself that his mom has been posting (his mother and I are still friends on FB) and her's is of herself... and OUR CAT!!! My ex and I owned a cat together that we'd rescued and I wasn't able to keep him because my mother and sister are allergic so he kept him. It was really hard for me to give him up and I haven't seen the cat since the breakup in June. Her posting a photo like that feels like a personal attack on me. It's like she took a photo of my child and put it up to rub it in my face! That cat doesn't even like her and clawed that * * * * out of her arm when she was at our apartment post break up.

 

Why are people so cruel like this? And why is this attractive to him? None of his friends or family understands why he went from me to her (they've told me so). I don't want to get back together with him. I don't even know how I could after all of this damage that has been done. But I want so desperately to understand how I deserved to be hurt like this. I treated the both of them so well. She didn't have any friends at work or in her personal life and I invited her into my life... and she took it. There wasn't anything that I wouldn't have done for him and he decided that he wanted to try someone else... someone that I thought was my friend.

 

Where is karma when you need it?!

[Lastchallenge]

I'm sorry to hear that.. I bet u feel terrible and nothing anyone says right now will

probably help u make sense

of this. It's a hard feeling and the only thing that will

heal you is time.. I myself feel alot better and uts really worked for me. I know it will work for u as well.. My inbox is open to u if u need some advice or an ear

[adviseseeker]

The karma is around the corner

[quirky]

wow..I really feel for you. This definitely shouldn't be in the GBT section because you'd be a fool to have him back. Did you not have any intuition regarding that woman?

[abitbroken]

There was "retro week" on FB where people posted old photos of themselves so that's why. But as far as the cat - she didn't post that picture to tick you off. If you are not friends with her on FB, she assumes you can't see her, and is probably not thinking of you either. It probably was just a photo she thought was decent.

 

I recommend that you stop looking at their profiles.

 

As far as the family not understanding - they weren't "in" the relationship and its different to be a relative to someone versus date them.

[Lavender25]

wow..I really feel for you. This definitely shouldn't be in the GBT section because you'd be a fool to have him back. Did you not have any intuition regarding that woman?

 

I didn't at first, but as our friendship progressed I started to have a feeling. The feeling wasn't that she was going to try for my bf or anything and I'm quite certain that them getting together wasn't planned before our breakup.

 

A lot of this is in the link to my past thread, but she would do or say certain things at work that made me uncomfortable. Like, I'm a college student in my last year of school and whenever I had to study she would make me feel guilty for not hanging out with her instead. She started making a lot of enemies at work and I noticed that no one there liked her other than me. She wasn't very reliable or dependable and would often flake out on our plans because "she wasn't feeling well" and her relationships with men were RIDICULOUS. You can click the link for the full story.

 

Also, whenever my ex and I had problems she never tried to offer advice. There was a period of a few months when I was considering breaking up with him and she was supportive at the time... but now I wonder if she had different motives.

 

So yeah, I learned not trust my instincts after all that. It's hard for me to trust people and get as close as I used to. There's a new girl at work I've been talking to and sometimes we go out tanning together, but I told her upfront that I was wary of getting to close because of this whole situation.

[Lavender25]

There was "retro week" on FB where people posted old photos of themselves so that's why. But as far as the cat - she didn't post that picture to tick you off. If you are not friends with her on FB, she assumes you can't see her, and is probably not thinking of you either. It probably was just a photo she thought was decent.

 

I recommend that you stop looking at their profiles.

 

As far as the family not understanding - they weren't "in" the relationship and its different to be a relative to someone versus date them.

 

Actually, I do think it's personal.

 

Some things that have happened since the two of them started dating:

 

She sent me a text asking if I would mind if she came back to work at my place of employment. I had deleted her number out of my phone and didn't know who it was from and when she said it was her I ignored it. I haven't gotten another text since. By the way, I talked to the hiring manager about it (she's like a mom to me) and found out that she's classified as "non-rehirable" because she was unreliable and she was suspected of stealing.

 

A group of coworkers (new employees that didn't know her) went to eat at the restaurant she now works at before their shift. She overheard them talking about work and asked them if any of them knew me. She said to them, "Tell Lavender25 I said hello."

 

Some coworkers have told me that she's come into the store to pay her bill at least 3 times. Luckily I haven't been there because I don't know what would happen if I did. If I were her, I wouldn't do something like that. I'd pay my bill online.

 

How am I supposed to take all of that? And I know that my ex is oblivious to this behavior. He hates immaturity and would be livid if he knew.

[shortcake5]

i would be so pissed seeing the cat pic!!!!!!! wow. i feel for ya... facebook is the worst, i gave up looking at my ex's profile for lent (pathetic)

and i feel good about it but i am sooooo tempted sometimes. i hope i will come out of it caring about silly little things on his wall/pictures of him less.

[ekwc06]

well lav, i been betrayed by my ex-best friend when he hooked up wif my ex a week before we broke up. What i can tell u is, at the beginning u will keep thinking about them and look at their stuff online or ask about them through friends. What i learnt is that this kind of experience is a great learning opportunity, about yourself and about relationships. I went NC with both of them, I would go out with friends to keep my mind of it. As time past you will see its not a big deal, you haven't done anything wrong so you shouldn't be sad about it. Use the break up as motivation for self-improvement. I used mine as a motivation to go to gym n clear out my wardrobe. After time past you will let it go, I am 2.5 months post break-up I feel great, I still care for her even for what she did but oh well she choose to do this so she has to live with the consequences. There is more to life then relationships

[shortcake5]

This behavior is really passive aggressive. I think eventually the type of person she is will come to the surface, even if your ex doesn't see it now. You sound like you are more emotionally mature than both of them anyways. Stay strong!

[minou]

Lavender25, he didn't work it out with a sweetheart and now he's with a B***H. Karmas right here.

[coolchick64]

Lavender25, he didn't work it out with a sweetheart and now he's with a B***H. Karmas right here.

 

 

^^^^^There ya go!! Well put.

 

The cat picture was absolutely for your benefit. She may have your cat, but she doesn't have your ex. Secure happy people don't send out messages like that, so I'm just guessing things aren't all that she would like them to be.

[Brownstone322]

Secure happy people don't send out messages like that, so I'm just guessing things aren't all that she would like them to be.

Hard to say ... bitter, devious, manipulative people behave exactly like that.

 

I know it's easy for me to say as a disant observer, but these are the type people you erase from your life (and eventually from your consciousness).

[Lavender25]

Thank you for the kind words you guys.

 

All of the things that she's done so far are little things from a distance. But I'm worried that things will escalate. What if it gets worse? I'm starting to feel terrorized. I'm not in fear of my safety or anything, but I'm afraid of what would happen if we ever came in contact with each other. What if one day she comes into my store and I'm actually there? I guess I'll just leave the sales floor until she leaves. I would like to be mature and take the high road but I'm sick of being the good person who is nice to people that don't deserve it.

 

I was invited to a birthday party this weekend and I know my ex will be there. Don't know if he's bringing her. Is it weird that I feel like I can stand being in a room with him (probably would just ignore him the whole time) but I REFUSE to be around the two of them together? I hate declining the invitation because of this, but it might be better for everyone involved if I just stayed home.

[ekwc06]

I know exactly how you feel, hmmm i guess if it is really recent breakup then i wouldn't go to the party because it will just slow your healing, if you have alot of mutual friends i guess for the time just invite them out yourself to be with them and leave the group meetings. Over time when you are ready to face him without losing control of your emotions or feel really upset then you could attend the group meetings. I have a friend's graduation later this month which I would have to see my ex n my ex bestfriend, so I know exactly how you feel.