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I need some advice.. about his ex & his relationship.


ilusd

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Well I've recently taken back my boyfriend back in oct, we broke up about 4 months into our relationship, while I was 3 months pregnant with my now 5 month old daughter.

 

We broke up for a few reasons,number one was because I accidentally came accross numerous emails of him & his ex emailing each other, talking about getting back together in the future & what not.

This was after I found out I was pregnant, & I flipped.

Broke up with him immediately.

 

Thinking I deserved better & if he wanted to share her that's fine with me.

His ex left him for his younger brother, & also did I mention that my bf & his ex have a 3 yr old son together?

 

That completely disgusts me.

 

The month before I found out I was pregnant we were at a party & his brother & I were talking, & next thing I know he tells me to look behind me,

there was my bf & his ex kissing.

 

 

 

Anyways, I forgave & forgot because we were drinking & that I could look past it. He said he was sorry & didnt want her. But from the beginning of our relationship he would mention her to me & I could hear the pain in his voice when he would speak of her. So I seen the pain she put on him.

 

Well throughout my pregnancy he would email me drunk, saying he would make me the happiest person alive, & that he will be there fully, blah blah blah. I would just delete the email. & Tell him straight up that he wasn't what I wanted for me or my daughters, yes daughters, I have a 2 yr old of my own.

 

I thought I knew better because he would "party" all the time, after he got a job. & Yet I'd see no "support" from him at all. It wasn't pleasant.

I would hear about him getting back with his ex & she'd go back & forth between brothers, & yet bad mouth me, trying to put me beneath her.

 

yeah * * * * ing right. She had nothing on me, & I had all the reasons to hate her.

 

It really bothered me because she never gave my bf a second look before him & I got together, & all of a sudden he catches her attention.

 

Well anyway, I just couldn't believe he would do that, try & take her back after all she's done to him. She even cheated on him while she was pregnant with their son. & would get stupidly drunk & pass out on the streets.

 

I just don't get it.

 

Well why I bring all that mental stuff up,

I gave him my old cell phone recently, & I get the bill, & I see everything.

She sent him pics of his son of course, but not only that pics of herself,

& recently "Valentine emails".

Stating that she still loves him & her biggest regret was losing him & that her her feelings for him are still there & always will be.

 

I found a few texts like that.

 

So finally today I told that I have come to forgive him, & have been trying to move on & be happy with him, but I can't.

 

Not when he's texting her. I told him he shouldn't even be talking to her, UNLESS it's about THEIR SON. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

& he said that is all that they talk about. I told him that was bs.

30 millions texts a day I don't think so.

 

So he agreed. or other wise his ass would be gone, back to his parents or brothers or whatever.

 

 

But I'm lost. I don't know if that's worth it?

 

I think I will always be insecure, I will never ever trust them again, because she has no intention of "stop loving him".

 

It makes me sick how the 3 of them can be around each other, just comfortable with what has happened.

 

So I need to know, if I have the right to do this? Because I'm only 20, he's 21, she's 19.

 

I have a lot to learn but I'm afraid of the future..

 

I've changed him in a lot of ways, he actually takes care of himself,

he's in contact with his son finally, & he's here for my daughters, & he's here for me.

 

He used to be a party animal & was addicted to drugs before, so he say's that I changed his life for the better, & that he doesn't want to lose me,

but yet he wouldn't give her up until I told him.

 

He said he wants to marry me, but lately I find that hard to believe..

Because I feel like he's only with me to occupy himself until she leaves his brother..

 

Because she told both of them that she's not going to be with his brother "forever" only til' the summer apparently..

 

IDK.

 

Thanks for your time,

like I said I'm lost..

 

I want this to work so much, I act like I'm strong but deep down this has torn my heart. I don't know what to think anymore...

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Yes, you are lost, but the answer isn't worrying about this man, it is about getting your act together as a person and a mother.

 

You are only 20 and have 2 kids by two different fathers. It is time to wise up and recognize that your job is to worry about the welfare of those kids and not chase men, and find yourself a career that gets you out of this 'baby daddy' chasing mode and into a good life for yourself and your kids.

 

What you should immediately do is go to social services and file to get child support from both fathers, and get yourself enrolled in some career training that will allow you to get a better life that gives you something else to think about other than some worthless drug addict guy who is playing 2 women off each other and fathering babies with various women he has no real intention of being faithful to.

 

Really, don't miss the point, you should be thinking about yourself and your kids and supporting them and teaching them that it is no life to chase after a bunch of useless guys like this looking for love they will never really offer you.

 

Please, do yourself a favor and get into some free counseling that your county/state most likely will over a young mother with 2 kids at 20. The most important thing anyone can tell you is you're on the path to ruin your life and ruin your children's life if you waste it chasing after drug addicts/cheaters/baby daddies hoping that will bring you happiness.

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I agree with LD; your preoccupation with baby-daddy is sucking up your focus and keeping you stuck in repeat patterns. You'll have 3 kids by age 22 with no life of your own.

 

I'd drop that focus--cold. I'd contact legal aid, get child support, and that's all you need to know about the sperm donors of these children. The rest should be about you and your own development. School, job training, whatever it takes.

 

Please don't let this lying loser take you down with him.

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[...] He said he wants to marry me, but lately I find that hard to believe.. [...]

 

What would 'marriage' mean to such a person? Getting dressed up to be nice to you in front of people for a day?

 

He'll go right back to treating you like garbage, and then you'll need lawyers to get yourself out of that mess.

 

Pleeeease wake up. Go to school, use the support system to get yourself past this guy.

 

My heart goes out to you.

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