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What kind of people fear intimacy?


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I know a very hot and very popular girl that fears intimacy. What could possibly make someone that way? Do they just avoid relationships all together? Is there ever a way to win them over? Especially if you basically only know them online and have never been formally introduced to them in person...

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Well, from your statement that you only know this person online and haven't met them in reality... I'd say that her fear of intimacy is the least of your concerns. And I'm going to admit that your motives sound a little sketchy if all you have to say about this girl is that she's "very hot and popular" but you don't know or don't mention anything about her personality. Even if you're not just looking for tail, it still kind of sounds as if you think of her in very shallow terms.

 

Your first job is to actually get to know this person. And if you genuinely like her and can actually have a face to face conversation, then you can worry about winning her over. I think as of now it's a little fishy to be trying to win the affections of a person who may or may not even know you're real.

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I don't believe in Fear of Intimacy. I think it is a phrase we use to try and make ourselves feel better when someone doesn't want a relationship with us - I have done this many times.

 

You make a lot of comments on neediness and co-dependancy, yes? I think fear of intimacy would be an alien concept to you because it is so far removed from your own experience. It is real though and it stems from a similar kind of insecurity in fact, it is just on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to how people deal with it. Neediness and avoidance are not that different, they are both unhealthy and self-defeating ways of trying to achieve peace, security and acceptance in a relationship.

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You make a lot of comments on neediness and co-dependancy, yes? I think fear of intimacy would be an alien concept to you because it is so far removed from your own experience. It is real though and it stems from a similar kind of insecurity in fact, it is just on the opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to how people deal with it. Neediness and avoidance are not that different, they are both unhealthy and self-defeating ways of trying to achieve peace, security and acceptance in a relationship.

Yes, I feel I am too needy and probably co-dependent. But I still don't believe in fear of intimacy. Just because those men didn't want a relationship with me, doesn't mean they had fear of intimacy...(if this makes sense).

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Everyone has been hurt and had bad experiences. I just think the idea of commitment phobia and fear of intimacy is BS.

 

Better to accept the person just isn't that into us and find someone who is a better match for us, rather than stay stuck on someone telling ourselves they have 'fear of intimacy'.

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Yes, I feel I am too needy and probably co-dependent. But I still don't believe in fear of intimacy. Just because those men didn't want a relationship with me, doesn't mean they had fear of intimacy...(if this makes sense).

 

You're right, but that doesn't disprove the concept.

 

Compare it to shyness. People can have a desire to ask someone out they like, but also be afraid of possible rejection so some people simply don't ask them out. Fear of intimacy is a different more complex issue, but it can still involve a similar kind of inner conflict of feelings.

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