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Could it possibly be a crappier situation?


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Its been about three days since me and my living together boyfriend broke up. Unfortunately I really didnt have anywhere pleasant to go to. No friends to stay with... My mothers house is un-livable and I have no one else.. So we worked out that I could stay for about a month until I had saved the money to go somewhere else..

But like any person with a heart im sad that the relationship ended, that I failed at it, that I dont have a friend anymore... That its me against the world now. Well I cried the night it happened and once again this morning. he was making a mean joke about my new kitten that Im buying, so I joked back about his dog.. Then he said, lets just call [my dog] the woman of the house, and you be the dog. That made me cry... i was just in that sad mode already I guess, feeling like no one cared about me. then he told me that if I was gonna be crying n stuff I had to go back to my moms house, I could only stay if Im gonna be happy. I asked him "can you be a little more sensitive?" and he said "sorry, Im a guy." and thats when I left the house to be alone and cry as much as I wanted. I feel so alone... I feel like I was just imagining he loved me the whole time...

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It is terribly devastating when someone that you love and care about needs to be so mean in order to end things. It hurts like hell and makes you feel insignificant and gullable. Please understand that it isn't that he didn't care for you when you were in the relationship. You need to see past the harsh words and actions and recognize it as his defense mechanisms. Right, wrong or indifferent.

 

All you can do is to get yourself away from him so not to endure this from him while you are raw with emotions. Please take care of yourself and protect yourself from this. Exposure just keeps you hurting and questioning which prevents you from being able to move to a place where you can start to feel some healing and sense of relief. Even once you get away from him, it will take you a while to start feeling it. Just know that until you get away from him, you can't start down that path at all. You need to get on it as soon as possible for you and your heart.

 

Please take care and come here to vent or communicate with others vs. re-exposing yourself to the pain and anguish. We have all been there in one form or another. It isn't easy but there is a lot of support here. And.....you are not alone.

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My mom is one of those people that moved into a house during the bubble thinking she could fix it up and it would be great and it would gain value, and the angels would be singing above our heads.

 

But instead the economy crashed, we cant fix it up, she lost a good job she had and cant afford it. She doesnt have the time to clean it up, its always a mess and I cant even go to the kitchen and fix myself a sandwich.. The cats get outside so they come back with fleas (this drives me absolutely nuts).. Its far away from everything and I dont have a car. Its really just a depressing dark hole.

Shes moving out in about a month or a little more.

 

Should I leave anyway? it is really really hard being in the house with him all day. And now Im not allowed to be sad or cry in his presence.

I feel like I cant win

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I would definitely leave. I'd throw myself into helping Mom clean up and pack for her move. Contact local vets to see if any can donate a pack of Frontline or Revolution--just squeeze the tube between the cat's shoulder blades and any stray fleas will jump to the cat until they die. Helping your Mom move might be a great strategy for helping yourself get past the cruelty of you ex--the sooner you're out of there, the better. Concern yourself with the rest later. Cross one bridge at a time.

 

In your corner.

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Wow he is so insensitive! I don't understand how people can treat others that way - not an ex, a friend or even a stranger. What the hell happened to basic human decency and compassion?!

 

I agree it's not good for your emotional health to be there. If you decide not to stay with your Mom until she moves, is there a way you can borrow money from someone to leave sooner? I don't think it's good for you to stay the whole month until you save the money - although I do understand not having much of an alternative.

 

I can't believe that - that apartment is shared by both of you. He has NO right to demand or tell you how to feel in your own home (or at all).

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Wow he is so insensitive! I don't understand how people can treat others that way - not an ex, a friend or even a stranger. What the hell happened to basic human decency and compassion?!

 

I agree it's not good for your emotional health to be there. If you decide not to stay with your Mom until she moves, is there a way you can borrow money from someone to leave sooner? I don't think it's good for you to stay the whole month until you save the money - although I do understand not having much of an alternative.

 

I can't believe that - that apartment is shared by both of you. He has NO right to demand or tell you how to feel in your own home (or at all).

 

ok well.. I did it.. Thanks everyone, for your advice. Im at my moms home right now. It feels awful. This is where I met him and theres alot of memories here in the apt building (we were neighbors) but at least he doesnt have to watch me be sad over him anymore. and I can look forward to moving. Its gonna be so hard and I miss him so badly right now!

He looked pretty sad when I was leaving so it softened the blow a bit I guess. He seemed really surprised that I decided not to take that month after all. Not sure if its the heartbroken side of me, but I really wanna think we'll meet again sometime in the future...dont know how... Like in a few years when we've matured a bit and we can give it another shot.

We were really great together before we moved in....

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