i think im going to kill myself

[dpressedone89]

hey i know evry ones gonna say things get better well ive been waiting for three years and things have only gotten worse. i used to cut evry day three times a day today i cut eight times in six hours. ppl dont even notice me i was in front of a class bleeding from my wrist and not even the teacher noticed no one cares about me the only person who cared about me has abandoned me she wont speak to me anymore and that makes me want to die how do i want to live because before i didnt want to live but i didnt want to die either now i just want it to be all over with no one talks to me anymore evry one knows that i cut and that im bisexual suicide is my only solution i want out now but i want to be remembered i told my friend that if i die they can have any thing of mine that they want but they just ignored me im pretty sure im gonna do it please some one talk me out of it i just want to hang myself. i need someone to love me because i plan on asking this girl tomorro and if she says no i will do it because the hope of being loved is all i have left please respond

[sparkler624]

hey there. I read your post and it seems like all you want is attention (now don't take that in a bad way). I felt the same way when I was your age. I thought life sucked and I wanted to kill myself, too. I was depressed and when I acted all sulky people gravitated away from me. People like people who are positive and don't always put themselves down. Eventually I realized this and went to see a psychotheripist. I think it helped, but only you can really change your mind of thinking. Who cares if people don't like you right now?! When you graduate and move you will meet lots of new people and date lots of girls. Just give yourself time. Whenever peers do something you don't like just tell yourself "who cares, soon I'll graduate and meet people who truly care about me". Good luck and I hope I helped.

[Eh Im Canadian]

Some famous guy once said "When you are at the bottom, the only way to go is up". Im not sure who waid it, but it is true. Why would you want to kill yourself? I have read a whole bunch of your posts, and recently this girl you talked to seemed awesome. You had one of the most romantic moments I have ever heard of. No major decision is so important that it can be decided in one day. You should think a lot about what to do with your life before killing yourself. Please stop cutting, drink coffee instead. It helps with depression, and also gives you a couple of minutes to contemplate life while you are making it. Good Luck, hope you feel better.

[Mattyboy]

dude - Please don't do it.

 

this is going to sound really patronising but it has to be said and one day you will understand:

 

Your 15 years old you have your whole life ahead of you - i can hardly remember being under that age nothing great happened to me till i was around 20ish - now look at me: scars on my wrists, damaged kidneys, and general scars all over from the bad times.

 

but look at the bright side:

 

4 BEAUTIFUL children - Successful business, loving family and good friends

 

Non of these good things where there when i was your age but the bad things will always be there as a reminder,

 

Christ I wish i hadn't hurt myself so much.

 

as I said at the start: Please don't do it. you will get through this with some help.....

 

were here if needed......................?

[dpressedone89]

hey i know killing myself is not the answer and mattyboy you r right i will regret it later but atleast ill make it to later. wow u r somewhat what i want to be a person who has a purpose. i just kinda collapsed im talking to my councelor tomorro im gonna talk to him.there this girl ive been talking to online and we have everything in common the only problem is we live very far apart. were considering an online relationship but i think those are for 35 year old virgins who collect star wars toys. i found someone who understans me and thats cool. im feeling better but it was hella scary i have cut 13 times today but im done i swear its weird i just wasnt in control today. any way thanx for the advice but i need more guys how do i be happy

[Eh Im Canadian]

Just out of curiosity, how would you regret it if you killed yourself? Just kidding, Being happy is one of my specialties. Someone has to have extremely strong depressed emotions to bring me down. I don't get unhappy by myself. I guess to stay happy I do my hobbies. Try cooking. It is a long process, that requires constant attention. Then at the end you get rewarded with the food you make. I guess thats just what I like. Maybe you should have some other ideas. Good Luck

[dpressedone89]

i used to like cooking but i took a class and the teacher kind of pushed me over the edge i can cook for other ppl but i cant cook for myself. i used to have hobbies but slowly it all turned to self mutilation and violence i used i used to be into skateing and backyard wrestling now the only non self destrucing i do is write poetry and listening to music strangely when im mad nirvan calms me down alot and im trying that coffee thing and i probably wont sleep for a week though. do you mss that on to a friend she really needs some good advice. and about regretting killing myself yeah i was frantic when i wrote that can you tell my friend sayd i should think of bunnys when i want to cut do you have n e suggestions on a hobbie for me anyone

[Eh Im Canadian]

uhhhh... Ok, heres some hobbies that just came to mind.

 

Acting

Paiting, drawing

metal shop

computer games (could be harmful to grades)

I asked one of my friends and she said doing homework, I don't know about that one.

playing sports

reading

writing books

meditating (another one from my friend)

lighting things on fire (thats from my crazy friend)

talking / helping on enotalone

learning about stuff you think is cool

( I don't know, physics, skateboards, why the sun is red, why the sky is blue)

 

Not a very comprehensive list, but I hope it helps.

[amaranth_04]

Hi dpressedone89,

 

You have every right to be on this earth as the next person. It's not easy believing this when your self-esteem is low. But you have to take little steps to get to believing it. Think of something that you can do, some hobby that won't bring out any violent tendencies but will instead work to calm you. Try and recognize what it is that sets you off and try to stay away from that. Instead focus on implementing things that work against setting you off, that calm you down. This also includes people. Be around people who make you feel good. But discern what is good. Above all, do it for yourself. You will never leave you, you can always count on yourself, so make yourself the most important concern.

 

Do you cut 'cos you need to feel a physical pain to take away the mental anguish? It is a lot easier dealing with something when its tangible. When you can see it, instead of just floating around in your mind. First of all, you need to get control of your thoughts. Meditation does help. Calms you down enough to help you focus just that bit more.

 

Next, change your thinking. Don't obsess over negative thoughts as that will only encourage more negative thoughts. Look through self-help books that guide you through thinking positively, give you practical tips on achieving that. Reinforce positve thoughts with positive actions and vice-versa.

 

When you can get a better hold over your thoughts, you can see where they are stemming from, and work on re-directing your thinking to induce better feelings. You have to believe that you have just as much goodness to give and receive as everyone. Those who do not appreciate it are not worth your time. Though it is hard, take these trials with the attitude that they will strengthen you. As the saying goes, ''That which doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger''. You owe it to yourself to not give in. You have to be around to experience the strength that will come each time you get through a difficulty. You've come this far, it is worth your while to keep going.

 

In the meantime, you have to make a conscious effort to improve your circumstances. Small steps each day til you get there. You have to mix positive thinking with positive acts to see the improvements. Stop doing things, such as cutting, that may give you temporary relief, but don't have much impact on a long term one, and will only worsen the situation.

eventually.

 

Take things one day at a time. There's another saying which goes something like - when you live one day at a time, you will have lived every day of your life. Think positive, you deserve your life and will make it a worthwhile one.

[dpressedone89]

first of all eh?imcanadian, the lighting things on fire is a good idea i do that alot because it relieve stress and second of all amareth04 you pretty much hit the nail on the head usually im pretty cool with things like this i may cut once in a while but today i snapped and just lost control of my self did u know i took out a knife in the class still in the classroom and cut and no one noticed. i think im cool now and i write poetry and listen to music as a release now. back to the burning things my friends told me to throw a bonfire party cause we live by a beach and its legal oh my go we dug a 15 ft ditch filed it with wood paper and cardboard and then i gh lighter fluid on it and then i through gasoline on it im a bit of a pyro it was cool though. its cool as long as im onlinenot cutting. if ne one read my post about that girl in the pool do you think she likes me i wont kill my self over her cuz iv calmed down but it would be so cool if she said yes and the other person i like and i are quiting cutting together. i hope that works out

[Mattyboy]

dpressedone89:

 

I'm glad we helped - Changing the subject slightly I'm not sure I can offer any help on the girl you like as i'm 29 and still have no idea what goes on in a girls mind!!! lol

 

As to the burning - please be careful the last thing you need is to get hurt/hurt someone else or get arrested!

 

at least you'll have some support from someone who understands what you've been through when you quit together, just keep at it there will be good and bad times but the good will over shadow the bad if you keep positive about it.

 

good luck mate.

 

 

Mattyboy

[Eh Im Canadian]

The lighting things on fire thing was from my crazy friend, so I'm not sure if you should follow that advice. of course if you do it safely, then it would probably be ok. Oh, and you said you were going to talk to the girl today. Maybe you won't get this message until yuo are in school, but tell us if it works out. Good Luck

[dpressedone89]

i was gonna but i chickened out and i talked to my councelor about it and he was like you should go for it he said to talk to one of the girls i hang out with to see if she likes me or if shed get weird if i asked her im gonn talk to my friend apparently ppl think we were going too fast n e input

[chantal]

hey , i use to cut myself alot , then i had a friend tell me how to stop and it worked!!! well it worked for me anyway . take a rubber band and put it around your wrist. when u feel the need to cut , start snapin it , it will hurt but it wont scar. then u will just get sick of doing it. also poetry . i still write poetry , i love the feeling when i can look at what i have done and know it is good. it is so healthy to , write ur feelings down. i go back and read all the poems i wrote when i depressed. im happy i dont feel like that anymore. u also should get rid of the things u are cutting yourself with. i know you can't get rid of some of the things (like knifes) but keep them out of reach.

and i know this is none of my business but i don't think you should be chillin with someone that cuts themself when you are quiting. if she messes up then thats just going to bring you down. I know what you mean when you say nobody notices you. i have been there and i wanted to just keel over and die.

But no matter who you are , what you look like , how many friends you have, there is Always someone you can talk to, someone that loves you. have u ever thought about your funural? who would cry at it? i use to and think about that when i was sad, but it made me realize that i couldnt do that to the.

i wouldnt mind talking to you .. get back to me if you want:splat:

[NKP]

This post was posted in 2004 its abit all buddy