Can you help me find out what does he really mean?

[serenade]

Sometimes, guys seem so hard to understand (that's the truth). They find it really difficult to express what they feel. But what they do not know is that women cannot always read their minds. And who will carry the burdens in the end? The ladies of course. This is the story, there is a guy I have known for like seven months now at work. We became friends from the start and I believe he liked me from the very beginning but didn't show any sign. Last December, he called me and we had a nice conversation. He told me he will be resigning from work because his family needed him in Chicago. He left without saying any word but I was not affected since I only liked him as a friend. When he got back on January, he just informed me that he is home now. I didn't have any special feeling for him until this March when he invited me to hang out with him. He treated me really well on that night. We had a dinner then went to bar and listened to music. It was a great night but never thought it could lead to something really special. On our way home, he told me how much he liked me. I never took it seriously, I laughed instead. I couldn't accept the fact that I was beginning to like him too, or more than that. I, as a woman needed a precise definition of what he would like us to be, but he didn't say any word, or at least more than "like". We ended the night with a kiss, and I knew I have felt something for him. We agreed to see again, acted like couples but still it was like me...hanging on to something I don't know. I tried to give him signals that I need an exact definition of what we are now but he only told me that everything is clear. I would like to ask you guys if "I love you" is not necessary anymore for you to conclude that there is a relationship? I am really confused, it is not the kind of relationship that I want. I know that he knows that i like him too, or more than that. Why is he still not saying the words that I would like to hear? Does it mean he is not really into something deeper than just what we are now? What does he want? Should I just let him show that I am happy when we're together and comfortable even after that I know I will not be because of the truth that I am confused? How will I be able to decode man's action and be secure at the same time without hearing the words from him?

 

Thanks...

[bleeder]

Hi Serenade,

 

A man's feelings is tied up with what he wants in a relationship.

 

Have you ever spoken to him about where your relationship might be heading? Sometimes, the way we percieve a friendship might not be congruent to what the other party is seeing. Could it be that he is just looking for a listening ear? Or just someone to be there for him?

 

Find out what he really wants and you will derive your solutions from there. Caring for you, might not certainly mean that he wants a serious relationship as of now. Let us know the outcome yah?

 

Cheers.

[Gilgamesh]

Hello

 

Both men and women have difficulty reading "signals" from one another its a very common problem between partners, good communication is key!

 

Now as for the "I love you" Id have to say from your post that its kind of soon to be laying down those heavies. Some women get spooked by guys that just pop out a "I love you" very soon in a relationship, when it comes out so early, they can get the feeling its not real, and Id have to agree with them, If I only been on a few dates with a girl and she tells me she loves me, Id be worried about her sincerity and the depth of that love.

 

There is another reason some people dont just tell you they love you, and thats because they may be protecting themselfs from heartbreak, they dont want to give themselfs fully to a relationship until they feel secure and safe, I do this, in my last relationship, I didnt give her the I love you until about 8 months! I had been burnt before and I wanted to be sure where it was going to go.

 

So my advise to you, is to give him time to feel secure about the relationship and about you, if its any comfort to know that when he does finally say those words that they will most likely be from the heart! what would you prefer? a man that says "I love you" right away, that has no substance behind it, or someone that loves you but delays the the iteration of the words.?

 

Actions speak louder than words, what does he say with his actions towards you?

[Guyute]

serenade,

 

It seems like you just started dating this guy recently although you have known him for a while. Don't rely on your signals to try to see if he is into you or whatever. Personally, as a guy, signals mean nothing unless they are obvious. I am not saying sending out signals is a bad idea because soem of them do work, but i believe that the best route is to feel it out, say things to him, and see where it goes from there. Dont rush into anything. Saying "i love you" is a heavy thing to say to someone. Having feelings for someone is different from loving someone. If you think this is someone that you could see yourself with down the road, just give it a little bit of time. If

it is meant to be then everything will fall into place (with a little bit of work and love and fate).

Don't rush into anything, don't settle, and don't put up with any crap.

[mermayd]

It sounds like this guy likes you and you like him just as much. It is not necessary to say "I love you" to someone just to establish that the relationship is concrete. Behaviors and actions speak much louder than words do and if the two of you enjoy being with eachother, that will shine through. Saying those 3 magical words does not define a relationship. The words will be exchanged when the time is right and when the both of you are comfortable and when both feel it to be true, rather than hope that its true. Let the time come when it comes and do not rush things. The relationship is still young.