a must read, craziest story ever..

[Prez2021]

So at the top is going to be my VERY SHORT version of whats going on, below it are the details. I've posted twice before, and really need some help so if u read this and then continue to read the detailed version then PLEASE send me help!

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Relationship - Long distance

Age - 17 (me) 17 (her)

Length - 9 months to date

Distance - Cleveland, Oh, NY, New York.

# of visits - more than 3 total months of the 9 have been with her

(every 3 day weekend, vacation etc is with her)

Emotions - Truly happy and in love.

Probllem - Distance = loneliness

 

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Basically guys heres the problem, she and I have been working this out very weel (ill be there in 13 days for the record). I know that there is no lack of love, or anything, and there is NO one else on her side. In fact whenever she tells me "i just dont know what to do when im lonely" its a result of being SAD and not missing out on the love of a GUY.

 

Heres the hard part:

 

She's lonely 100% for me. Not for another guy.

She wants to be open, but doesn't want another guy, she just likes the

mental comfort of being un-attached (she misses me less)

The BEST result would be us being together, but there is no way (trust me

I've tried)

 

What can we do...

 

We want;

 

To be dating

To be together

 

But she's lonely when im not there and wants to have me there...

 

 

WHAT CAN I DO? Im lucky cuz i suppose it would be worse, she could be lonely just for "the touch of a guy" which would mean BUT its not like that.. shes sad and misses me... How can i make her miss me less??

 

HELP!

 

J~

[simulacra]

I have a very skewedl stance on the subject of taking time off from a relationship (whether you are in a long distance relationship or not), so you may not agree with what I have to say. Let me just say here that I am in a long distance relationship myself, so I have an idea of some of the feelings you are experiencing.

 

Taking time off in a relationship, to me, is not ideal. I'm sure you've heard stories of how people breaking up and getting back together, sometimes even spending years apart and realizing that they truly love one another in the end... and live happily ever after. That's fine. Whatever works for you is good. I am not going to stand in anyone's way when it comes to being with the person they love.

 

My own personal feeling on the matter, however, is that once a couple has decided explicitly to split (for whatever reason), they've decided that the present situation is too much for them to handle together as a couple. They have chosen to forego the relationship at that point. Even though you and your girlfriend may decide that you won't see anyone in the meantime and that you'll wait for each other until a specified time when you can be in the same city to continue your relationship, the time that you will spend apart (ie. not contact or just being "friends") will change the dynamic in the relationship.

 

It is as if you're saying the long distance relationship is too much for both of you to handle together, that your love is not strong enough to pull you through this difficult stretch.

 

There is one thing I would like you to ponder. In foregoing your relationship until you can be together in a normal relationship situation, both of you are making the other person secondary (as opposed to primary if you remained together). That simple decision in itself, to me, reduces what you value in the relationship and in the other person.

 

I think instead of trying to lessen your burdens and feelings of loneliness by making the situation simple (ie. breaking up for now), you should look within your relationship to find strength. That should be the real tester of your love.

[mermayd]

I am unclear on how often the two of you see eachother. It doesn't sound like the distance between you is so great that it cannot be overcome. My suggestion is to talk often on the phone, maybe surprise her once in a while by sending ballons or flowers to her house, even a card out of the blue that she wont be expecting. Make up for the fact that you cannot see eachother as much as youd like by emphasizing more on other aspects. Keep the relationship on its toes. Maybe you could take turns seeing eachother more often. See eachother every weekend if its possible. Alternate between you going to her and her coming to you. If every weekend is too difficult, try every other weekend. It's good that you spend vacations together. Long distance realtionships are tough and sometimes they dont work out as one would hope them to. It takes a bit more work than a relationship between two people that are near eachother. However, you have to prioritize what is the most important to you. As simulacra says:

It is as if you're saying the long distance relationship is too much for both of you to handle together, that your love is not strong enough to pull you through this difficult stretch.

 

There is one thing I would like you to ponder. In foregoing your relationship until you can be together in a normal relationship situation, both of you are making the other person secondary (as opposed to primary if you remained together). That simple decision in itself, to me, reduces what you value in the relationship and in the other person.

If this relationship is imporatnt to the both of yu, then you will find a way to make it work. I hope these suggestions helped you. Good luck!