Is it a good sign (for me) that she’s very sad?

[TR]

Hello,

I want to start out by saying that IMO staying very good friends with your ex really helps and might make her realize that you have changed for good.

 

Just spoke with my ex (still very very close friends after a breakup a final week ago.....she told me she's dating... at this moment we are long distance). Full story here:

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Anyways, she said that she's listening to CD I made her a while back and she is sad because every song reminds me of her. I call her as soon as I got that message and cheered her up a bit, told her that when I see stuff that she gave me makes me thank God that I met her and that it makes me smile. I asked her if she wants to talk about it and she said that she can't at work, tons of work. But will talk later tonight.

 

Now, I don't think that anything serious is gonna happen, but I am just curious if it's a good sign (for me) that she's very sad when she is listening to my CD. Please let me know what you guys think because I need some opinions before we talk tonight.

[Ingrid]

It is obvious that she is flirting with you big time. The only question is: Is she serious or is she manipulating you? The door is open for you. The only thing that could happen to you is that she be playing with two guys at the same time.

 

Good luck!

[tere]

I would say that she is starting to realize that she misses you... though I would suggest that if it comes to the conversation, let her take the lead of the subject... listen carefully and do patient questioning so that you know what is her position... but also keep in mind that it can be as Carmen say

 

p.s. what is your opinion on girls staying friends with their ex?

[TR]

THANKS CARMEN!! See, we loved each other to death (I still do) and wanted to get married and she always said "to live happily ever after". The thing that separated us was the long distance (over 1 year apart and she said that she didn't believe that there would be a moment when I would finally move to her). And this guy just sneaked in and probably comforted her, so she fell for it (and I can kinda understand, she was all by herself in city that she doesn't know).

What I mean is that I think she still has feeling for me (unlike she said). And maybe she's having second thoughts on what she did.

[TR]

Tere, thanks for advice, that's also what I planned to do, I learned that squeezing the answers from her doesn't work and only makes things worse.

About my opinion….. I lover her so strong that I can't describe in words. So when she told me that she's seeing someone, I was shocked (I kinda suspected that she is hiding something, but at that moment we were already just friends). After begging (I guess it's usual mistake), and after reading this board, I realized that begging is not going to work. She also was very supportive (for me to get through it) and she is still telling me that she's so lucky to meet such a nice person as me. She said that because I didn't burn bridges, she realized that I truly love her.

Anyways, we don't have any secrets from eachother and talk at least 3-4 times a day. And I am learning what I did wrong, making changes and even tell her about it. BUT, I never ask her to come back. She even asked me not to leave her alone (I mean move to her) again if things don't work out in her current relationship. And as you might have read in my "history" posts, I am going over to visit her this weekend (just a week after she told me about her new bf), she made tons of plans for us and she wants to cook me dinners, etc., and we are still planning a week vocation, just 2 of us.

So IMO, friendships might change something.

[Tinkerbell]

It's true that continuing to develop a friendship may result in another romantic relationship in the future, but what you have to realise now is that despite the fact that she may miss you because of a CD, she is currently involved with someone else, and it wouldn't be fair to that guy or her if you interfered. Just keep playing it cool like you're doing, and try not to expect too much out of the friendship. Don't set your hopes too high as you're bound to get hurt if you're expecting romance and only end up with a friendship.

[TR]

but what you have to realise now is that despite the fact that she may miss you because of a CD, she is currently involved with someone else

 

I know that and I respect it and I play cool as you said.

But isn't the fact that she listens my CD (and it's not the first time she told me that she listens it after we broke up) which makes her sad mean that she is thinking of me, maybe missing our great relationship? And because she is sad she still has feeling for me? I mean why would she be sad if she is dating another guy who is "supposed to make her life better".

[Tinkerbell]

Of course, it is very possible that she still has feelings for you. Often, when you share your heart completely with someone, you continue to care for them for the rest of your life. Strong emotions do not just disappear overnight. I cannot say why she is with this man, and perhaps she may realise that she has made a mistake and does not wish to continue a relationship with him. It really is impossible for me to tell exactly what she is feeling right now, and you may only find out later on. For the meantime, make the most of the time you spend together, and do not wait around for her forever; if you find someone else, do not hesitate: You deserve to be happy.

[dikaia880]

I've been in the same situation for the past five months, but as far as I know my ex isn't dating...

 

Your in a hard place to be in, for me talking to the ex always throws me for a loop, there are always things that are said that just give your more questions...

I think you know what to do, play it cool have fun, and things will work out the way their meant to...

 

She does miss you, like my ex missed (and hopefully misses) me...My ex hasn't come back to me (I am moving back to her town in two months) so it's hard to tell if just missing you is enough...My ex missed me too much when we were together and thats pretty much what ended my relationship so missing someone isn't always enough...

 

Best of luck, I things will work out for you in some way or another!

[TR]

Just to update, we spoke for 3 hours last night, but she didn't anything new really. The only thing is that I finally knew that she completely opened up for me, she wasn't scared anymore to talk with me about what happened (before I felt that she was kinda scared). She told me some things that bothered her about me (nothing major, fixable) and I thanked her, and told her that it will help me to improve myself (for my future relationships). We even talked about our (I mean her and me) past sex act instances. We haven't talked so easy and openly since she told me she wants to be friends. She also told me that she had sex with this guy, but I took it very well, and she told me this because I asked her couple of times few days ago when I was still depressed. Also, I asked her how's the break up going with her new bf and his ex (also just broke up) and she complained, and asked me for opinion.

 

Ok, so as I said I am going to see my ex this weekend (LD relationship, haven't seen her for a month, still extremely close friends, but she's seeing a guy and told me about this just a week ago). As the date gets closer, I am getting a little nervous because I don't know exactly if my actions will be beneficial for eventually getting back together. I am 100% sure that I will have tons of fun with her and I will not even hint abut getting back together. (I am in very good state in terms of healing). But the thing is that last few month we were always sad and just stayed home to spend time together when I visited her. Reason – she was sad because I still didn't move to her, I was sad because she asked me to just be friends.

So I am thinking that this time we will go out and do lots of activities (as friends), but will it look too weird? I mean me being happier comparing to last few month?

 

Also, I kinda want to give her something, little but sweet. Is a single rose a normal gesture in this situation?

 

My background:

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[dikaia880]

I think it helps you out to be as fun and happy as you can be in that situation...

 

As far as a gift, I don't think you should give her anything...

 

A rose is beyond a friendship thing, and may make her think you still want more, which would be a negative to the weekend...

 

I think the best thing you can give her is your happiness and laughter...

 

I hate saying this because people always say it to me and it doesn't make me feel any better, but I know it is true...with that said...

What's meant to be is meant to be...

Good luck and have fun...life is too short to sit around and be sad, esp. when your with your ex...I mean really, who want's a depressed person anyways? I'm sure she know's your hurt, so you don't (and shouldn't) need to show it...

[TR]

Ok, thank you all very much for helping me.

However I have more question Please help me out because I seriously think that there is a good chance that my ex will eventually come back to me.

So as always we had long daily conversation today (about life and all). And she started to tell me about her new bf again. She once again complained about his behavior.

 

1*** He is not paying much attention to her when they are together (she says its probably because he is used to LD relationship with his ex – not much physical interactions). And I know that she loved when I paid tons of attention to her, especially when I just physically interacted with her (plaid with hair, massages, gentle kissing, hugging, etc.). So yesterday, as soon as they got to her house he went to take a nap on the couch, my ex took a shower while he did that and when she came out, he was watching a show and she just ended up going to her room and staying there.

2*** She said that she's not as comfortable with him as she was with me. She didn't like when he stood behind her while she was cooking meanwhile she loved when I kept her company, she even said that and always asked me to keep her company.

3*** He eventually took over cooking w/out asking her and even called him mom for advice (what a shmuck) which upset my ex. She didn't like the fact that he didn't trust her cooking.

 

Yeah yeah, he apologized about cooking, said that he just wanted to help, blah blah blah. (She didn't tell him about the first 2).

 

Why do you think she's telling me all this stuff? I didn't even ask her to tell me what happened last night. She even said today that we talk more that she talks to him throughout the day. Don't get me wrong, I like that we are still friends and that we don't have any secrets, but can this be some sign? I can't wait to go there!!! Only 2 more days!!! I'll remind her how I treated her

 

Update

 

She just called me and said that she feels lonely and she wants more attention, just like I thought

Also, she brought him lunch to work and he didn't eat it, said that he bought his own. She was kinda hurt.

 

IMO I should take advantage of the situation, right? I can feel that she misses my attention.