Broke no contact - he answered. Now what???

[princesa]

Hello everybody.

 

(Lisaria this one goes especially for you!)

 

I just wrote somewhere that I had sent my ex (who I suppose genuinely likes me but is not madly in love, so I broke up 2 months ago and have been applying no contact strictly) a birthday greeting, quite an "unresistible" birthday greeting, to be honest. And I have been counting days when he might receive it, and just like I thought, today.

How do I know he has just received it? Because he answered right away. There it was: bling, I see on my screen an e-mail from him saying he had received it, it was a pleasent surprise and asking how I'm doing.

 

So guys, now what????????

 

F%£k. I wanted this, I provoked this, but now I don't know how to handle it. Lisa, like I said, this is an either or situation...closure or a getting back together. Probably just closure, because if he had wanted something, he could have contacted himself, right?

 

But still...maybe this is THE chance, I don't believe there will be another and I don't want to screw it up.

 

So what to do? Not answer at all...? Answer casually? Say what?

 

I'm so unsure and restless now...maybe this was a mistake, now it's starting all over again...the truth is, I have survived these 2 months only thinking of a last opportunity I might get when I contacted after a longer silence. Stupid of me.

 

Please, what would you do????

 

Princesa

[vitalcoaching]

This message you sent was obviously a teasing, flirting message. It was probably light and open, right? You enjoyed sending it. He enjoyed getting it.

 

Your conclusion now is: "Oooops, we'll get back together, what to do now? panic, etc..."

 

My advice: stay on "flirting mode". Tease, romance, have fun, keep it light. Who says you need or want committment right now, relationship, etc.

 

Maybe this lighter "innocent" type of exchange is exactly what you need. No need to make it "heavier" than it is.

 

Focus on fun and flirting.

 

Next move? keep it light, open and free. Play the flirting game. Enjoy it for what it is.

 

Does that make sense?

 

Good luck and stay in touch

 

vitalcoach

[princesa]

Thanks for your vitalcoaching. I would never dismiss an advice from a guy that looks like you do (supposing this is you on the pic)

I think you're right, gotta keep it light...it was so wonderful before things got serious and that's when he apparently realised he wasn't in love enough for a commitment.

Fine, ok with me...then let's play. I'm better in games anyways than in relationhips. I tend to give to much in the latter. A longer stable relationship is not possible anymore, I think, I don't even think I'm going to see him ever again since we live veeeeery many miles apart.

But it would be nice to have the upper hand for a change...

 

Princesa

 

PS. I checked the vitalcoaching web site. It's quite interesting.

[Hopingpraying]

Princesa,

 

I would just like to say I agree with the coach. He is right on with this one. Don't get overly excited I think you will just put your feelings out there to be crushed. Keep it open and light. Just tell him your welcome and leave it at that. Then let him make the next move. You are telling him the door is open without actually saying anything. That is really all you need to do. Don't over analyze this.

You will probably have the tendency to do the same thing I have which is to keep wondering whether she (he in your case) still remembers me, and to be affraid that if we don't keep sending them little emails or talk to them directly that they will forget us. You have to know they will never forget us. I still remember my EX's, everyone of them. You never forget a person you have been that close too.

 

Good luck!

[vitalcoaching]

sounds good, Princesa

 

Enjoy! and stay in touch

[lisaria]

Hey princessa!

I am so happy for you!!!!

I hope it works out!!! I agree with these guys, keep it light and flirty. Play the game! Reel him in slow and keep the upper hand. DO NOT act like you want him too much. On second thought, forget my advice, it doesn't seem to be working for me. Just do what you think is best!!!!! And Good Luck!!!

Still no word from mine. Oh well.

Lisa

[Mun]

These guys are right on the money. All you have to do is wait a little before replying to his email. Then just flirt, flirt, flirt, he might be calling soon. He has obviously not forgotten about you, but an email or a phone call for that matter is just that "a phone call" treat is as such. It's not a proposal-not yet- so don't worry girl. Enjoy it !

 

Have fun like you did in the beginning with him, before all this relationship madness.

There's very few things that scare men, but here are a few examples:

relationship talk

Marriage talk

commitment talk

get the picture?

 

love

[princesa]

Thanks guys, you are the best!

I couldn't have survived the break up and the past 2 months without this forum, so don't leave me now either!!!

 

You're all soooo right, that's exactly what I'm going to do: flirt. No man resists a flirt, and (sorry guys, but...) they are so easy to wrap around your finger, really. Like you say Hoping&Praying, I'd just put my feelings on a silver plate to be crushed if I expected more than there is. And there is no real love and affection. He likes me, he has a crush on me before I got all serious and wanted a real commitment. He wants to be passionate and foolish in a realationship. So here's what he'll get: mystery and flirt. I have no idea (yet) if this will work and if there's something in it for me too, but I'm not over him and everything I feel is to give him something, if it can't be all of me, then so why not try this game.

 

I'll let you know if he still gets back to me...I guess I'm supposed to e-mail him now how I'm doing - I will, but not yet, let him wait and wonder...

 

Thanks again + lots of hugs,

Princesa

 

PS. Lisa, it'll come...keep cool.

[Mun]

Girl don't email him unless he emails you first and only as a reply, but try hard not to so that it will get him to call you. If he has easy contact with you through email do you think he will call? Also wait a bit before you replay ... at least 48 hours.

 

BTW what is this no contact rule I keep reading about? Enlighten me please

[princesa]

Muneca,

 

thanks...don't worry, I'm not in a hurry. What can I lose what I haven't lost or gained in this relationship already!!!

 

Look, type No Contact-rule in the search field and you get currently 4849 answers... ...there are some really good explanations especially from the moderators, besides my english is too crap to explain it well. Basically it means that after the break up you're not supposed to be in touch or at least not contact yourself your ex in order to a) have time for personal growth and getting over,if you're lucky b) to make him miss you and want to come back. So if you are not applying the rule, today's the day to start!!!!!!

 

Princesa

[princesa]

Ok, this whole thing has made me a mess. Maybe I'm stuck with no contact rule or something, as if it was a new religion...

 

I still haven't answered this e-mail from him thanking for the surprise and asking how I was doing, this was on Monday - I just can't help thinking that I have to stick to NC!!!! Honestly, I'm so afraid of answering, even if I kept it light and flirty, maybe he won't answer back!!! Then I'd lose the upper hand and feel completely dumped, which I didn't when we broke up, because I sort of put an end to it. Could I take that?

 

I'm so confused now. I want to use this chance if it is one, but I don't think I want to risk it. Maybe it's the best just to move on...???? If I stuck to no contact NOW AGAIN, would it be stupid thinking that I sent a birthday greeting? On the other hand, that was an invitation itself, he could have put a bit more effort from his side, right?

I mean, if he really really saw this as an invitation as well, wouldn't he call or e-mail again, even several times, he just sent 1 line thanking and saying it was a pleasent surprise. No kisses, nothing. But he asked how I was? So what does that mean, that he still wants to hear from me? ANALYZE this!!!!!

 

AAAAAARGH!! Will I commit a mistake if I answer, or if I don't???

 

Princesa

[vitalcoaching]

When you sit back in endless doubts and hesitations, that's what kills you. Respecting a "no contact rule" is not the issue.

 

The real issue is to follow your instincts, take action, go for it and if it does not work forgive yourself and see it as a learning experience.

 

It's okay to take risks and it's okay to sometimes crash or fail.

 

It's better to take action and learn from it rather than sitting back in endless hesitations.

 

Take risks... What's the worst thing which can happen?

 

Check this link to be rejection proof

 

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