Why I'm annoyed today.

[cheeseboy]

More of a rant to myself this. It's just my opinion and I know everyone is not the same, especially male or female, but i can only go on how i feel about how i would have gone about it. Which is not this way.

 

Why I'm annoyed my relationship has ended. I accept the reasons, it wasnt working - but no one ( to my knowledge of course) has cheated, abused etc. It just didnt work at the end of the day.

 

1) It was done by text message by her. After 3 years i think that's downright cowardly.

 

2)A complete refusal to see me, to tell me properly because she "would cry" and "was not ready to see me" No considerations for my feelings once again. Seems to forget we were BOTH in the relationship, not just her. IT affects me AND my family.

 

3)never picked up the phone to talk about it, ignored calls and texts after an agreement to meet up, then contacted the next day or some days later to say sorry, it would have to be in "a few weeks". I mean, if you want to end it, get it over and done with, don't drag me out.

 

4)Posts things on facebook 2 days after breakup about how happy she is, pics of nights out. Come on, have some compassion - its obvious i'll see these and it's obvious they will upset me ( before i blocked)

 

5) i wrote a letter saying sorry it went like this, goodbye, goodluck etc, and got a basic reply.

 

6)asks to be friends - seriously? How would that ever work right now.

 

What im basically saying is that, she has shut up shop, and refuses to aknowledge the relationship ever existed. Why is she doing this, i do not know. But just to say hey you know what, it was fun, but here we are its not working, lets part , would have made my life a whole lot easier.

 

Anyway...back to more thinking about it.

[cheeseboy]

Oh yes

 

7) She did it a few days afer a good holiday (which im still owed for)which she enjoyed, or is an amazing actress

 

8 ) she did it just after christmas, when she got a great present from me which frankly, i think, if as she says she had been feeling this way for a while ( but clearly didnt want to communicate the problem) i think should be returned,

[Azilynn]

It's probably hard for her to "get away" from this relationship. Because it may not so much be that it wasn't a good relationship but that it just wasn't the right one for her. So while she probably cares alot for you, she probably realized she needed to get out for herself and seeing you would make it harder.

 

I can asure you. Her "happy nights out". Are most likely a facade. But she's trying to keep busy and positive. She probably wants to be friends because you are a great guy. Just maybe not a good partner for her.

 

Just my opinion. I'm just taking it from experience and what you say. I could be wrong.

[ElChup]

 

1) It was done by text message by her. After 3 years i think that's downright cowardly.

Agreed. After 3 years that's disgusting.

 

2)A complete refusal to see me, to tell me properly because she "would cry" and "was not ready to see me" No considerations for my feelings once again. Seems to forget we were BOTH in the relationship, not just her. IT affects me AND my family.

Selfish cow.

 

3)never picked up the phone to talk about it, ignored calls and texts after an agreement to meet up, then contacted the next day or some days later to say sorry, it would have to be in "a few weeks". I mean, if you want to end it, get it over and done with, don't drag me out.

Agreed.

 

4)Posts things on facebook 2 days after breakup about how happy she is, pics of nights out. Come on, have some compassion - its obvious i'll see these and it's obvious they will upset me ( before i blocked)

Well, this is something that is hard, but ultimately is her right to do.

 

5) i wrote a letter saying sorry it went like this, goodbye, goodluck etc, and got a basic reply.

Shouldn't have written a letter. You should be aloof until she grows up.

6)asks to be friends - seriously? How would that ever work right now.

How absurd. What a nasty woman. Being friends with an ex is damned hard at the best of times, but to ask for it when she treats you with such disrespect? What a * * * * * .

What im basically saying is that, she has shut up shop, and refuses to aknowledge the relationship ever existed. Why is she doing this, i do not know. But just to say hey you know what, it was fun, but here we are its not working, lets part , would have made my life a whole lot easier.

 

I'm usually the one to advise people not to sink to the other person's level, but on this occasion I'd say you need to treat her how she is treating you.

 

You say that there was no cheating, etc. But do you think that maybe she has, in fact, found someone else so she ended it quickly enough that she couldn't be accused of cheating?

[DN]

It does seem rather obvious that she waited until after the holiday because she wanted the benefit of it (and possibly the Christmas present if she knew you were going to spend a fair amount of money)

 

I suspect you may have to write off the money she owes you for the holiday - that could also be why she doesn't want to see you. Did you pay for most things during the relationship?

[iBroken]

Agreed. After 3 years that's disgusting.

 

Selfish cow.

 

Agreed.

 

Well, this is something that is hard, but ultimately is her right to do.

 

 

Shouldn't have written a letter. You should be aloof until she grows up.

How absurd. What a nasty woman. Being friends with an ex is damned hard at the best of times, but to ask for it when she treats you with such disrespect? What a * * * * * .

 

I'm usually the one to advise people not to sink to the other person's level, but on this occasion I'd say you need to treat her how she is treating you.

 

You say that there was no cheating, etc. But do you think that maybe she has, in fact, found someone else so she ended it quickly enough that she couldn't be accused of cheating?

 

I didnt want to come off as being a negative here but this break up is exactly like mine.

 

I later came to find that she was sleeping with someone else (right after we broke up). I had no clue there was the potential for there to be anyone else in the picture as we were really together all the time and there were never any suspicious emails or texts. She did a good job of hiding this from me.

 

She came clean 6 weeks after the break up.

[ElChup]

I didnt want to come off as being a negative here but this break up is exactly like mine.

 

I later came to find that she was sleeping with someone else (right after we broke up). I had no clue there was the potential for there to be anyone else in the picture as we were really together all the time and there were never any suspicious emails or texts. She did a good job of hiding this from me.

 

She came clean 6 weeks after the break up.

 

Yeah. The red flags are definitely there in his account of the break up. I feel very sorry for him....and you.

[cheeseboy]

Oh i agree - I'd love to say I would be suprised but in some ways i'm actually with you on this. It was basically a break up, then a time and space, then two weeks later, definitely a break up when i text to say hi - i got a completely random response about it being over - which i know. So i figured something had happened that weekend. What, i don't (yet) know

 

Down the line you, well maybe dont see them for what they really are, but certainly begin to see them in a different light - if that halps anyone that has just entered a break up

 

The letter, yes well, i had to write it - i was getting too hacked off with how things were going - hence it really was to say i enjoyed it, sorry you feel this way, good luck. Closure for me. I didn't actually want a response.

 

Oh yes, i did ask that question by the way. It got ignored - like several others.

 

Yes i paid for most things, she is still in uni. It's not the money, or the materialistic things really though for me. It's just the way it's been handled . All i would have liked as i say, was some form of recognition.

[learning2relax]

So pulling back from the "details" described here, some things to note that I have learned from others here on ENA......

 

The "dumper" (not that I like the terms but it is a way to reference) usually feels relief at first. The "dumpee" is in pain and agony up front but since they start the process immediately, they usually heal first as well. Once the "dumper" moves past relief, they tend to feel regret, despair, depression, etc.... They tend to have a longer mountain to climb to recover. They start to look for answers to why they let a good thing go....

 

If the "dumper" is in another relationship either before or directly after the breakup - it is typically a rebound. Rebounds sometimes work but if we leave them alone not to reinforce the pressure they can also cause the person to reflect. They may actually compare their new relationship with the one that they ended with us.

 

Dumper's don't always know why they do what they do or feel what they feel. At least not off the bat. I have learned that it can be a knee jerk reaction to solve for the pain, pressure, fear, etc that they are feeling for whatever reason, at that point in time. They breakup as a way to resolve what is making them uncomfortable as quickly as possible. But as I stated in my first point, this is usually short lived.

 

Similar to the advice you give to people that move to another town to "start over." Typically moving somewhere different doesn't solve the problem because if there are things you need to solve for yourself, when you move, you take them with you....

 

Just a few things to consider and to help you possibly see the situation more objectively so that you can move to healing your pain. You also have to allow yourself to feel the anger, betrayal, etc..... It is part of the process. Just try not to get stuck there. The negativity of the anger is not productive and if stuck will not allow you to move to the process to get to the goal of healing any time soon.

 

My two cents for whatever it is worth.........Move through it. Stay strong. Try and move yourself to a more positive place.

[cheeseboy]

Thanks for all your replies. Whilst deep down I of course hurt and want everything back, as does everyone in this situation - i am taking the time to better myself. To be honest, my story is like everyones here and i'm basically taking the time to myself to just do "stuff" I mean, i'm much better now than a few weeks ago when its happened. I'm not crying, infact, i see it for the best. I'm at the time when i want to settle and to be honest, as everyones says, it's better i find out about this sort of thing now before our relationship progresses and i have to deal with being ignored when i request to see kids for example.

 

I'm just a bit angry it seemingly means nothing. I'm sure it does however. I've said my piece in the letter and its hard not to go and shake her and tell her to admit she enjoyed some of it! Because i know i did.

 

I'm pretty sure, i don't know why (and you've all heard this a million times on ENA) that at some point the fun will stop and some realisation will set in for her. Maybe i'll never get to know when that is of course, but i'm sure as you say, one day. Thanks for responding to my rant today ha. Take care