How do I put my Ego in check?

[loudorange]

Well... ok, where to start? I suppose the facts. Im in a great relationship, possibly too great. I hear about how my male counterparts never communicate. How they are never emotional, never intuitive, and never caring. I think in my specific case, I do that a little too much. My girlfriend and I decided in the very beginning that truth and honesty along with absolute communication were the secret to being in a good relationship, and I still honestly believe that they are the key... but here comes the problem... how is there always a problem?

 

Past relationships. Tada! There it is. Where on earth does jealousy stem from? In all the relationships I have ever had in my life, I never was jealous..not this bad at least. It's not an obsessive jealousy like you see in the movies, but it's a pride thing. Somehow no matter how meaningless the exact topic..say penis size, Im still bitter. Im not the smallest person she has ever been with.. Im the second biggest in fact.. but the jealousy thing kicks in and I feel down or sad about it. Yes yes, I know, it's a man's stupid pride thing, my friends tell me that. Because most of them feel the same way.

 

Also a big thing that bothers me sometimes is her past relationships.. ie her partners. Again, no matter how insignificant the situation is, it seems to be something that hurts my all too fragile ego.

 

The thing is I want to be everything to this person. She is truly the love of my life. She is "The One" as they say. I never dreamed this girl could possibly exist...no less would I be able to find her. But somehow I did. I have had many, many relationships in my past, so im not just naive and thinking in silly flowery terms..no no, trust me, this woman is the most beautiful and perfect person I could ever have met in my lifetime....now..here are my questions...

 

How do I get those stupid ego and pride issues out of my head? What do I do to feel like I am "the best" and that none of her past lovers matter. She does say that every one of them was meaningless...but somehow that falls on deaf ears at times. Is this a common problem in men? Why do we think in such barbaric terms? What can I do to feel better about my insecurities?

 

Any ideas would be great. I want to know who else thinks like this if anyone. Also, if I could get a womans perspective on how they deal with making their men feel like the king of the jungle.

 

Thanks!

[mermayd]

Hey there. I just wanted to reassure you that youa re not alone. I have been dealing with this issue myself recently. I ahve never been more jealous in any relationship than I am in the current one. I have come to the relaization that in my case, and maybe yours as well, I have never made myself this vulnerable to anybody. I have made my heart available and tender. Maybe you can relate in this sense. Its as though you have exposed your heart, this person is holding it over a pool of acid and you are trusting them not to drop it. The longer they hold it and the more you trust them, the more potent the acid becomes.

I am still working on this issue and I am not sure if my advice is exactly what you are asking for, but what I am doing is just realizing that what I am feeling are my personal insecurities and these thoughts/feelings are not related to the actual facts. In other words, I may feel insecure about one of my female characteristics or things that he has told me about past lovers that I cannot do or do not have and I become jealous. But I have to remind myself that he does not see these things in the same light as I do. To him, they are not even relevant, all he knows is that he loves me. And maybe that is something that you should remind yourself as well when you begin to feel this way. Now keep in mind that it takes time, effort, and patience, but I feel that I have progressed since I began telling myself to not consider some of these jealousy/insecurity issues as heavily as I have. I hope this helped.

[Gilgamesh]

Ok first thing you have to remember is, SHES WITH YOU NOW! and dont ask about her past, did she just bring up the topic of her past B/fs "size" or did you ask? if she just brought it up, thats not nice, that would be the same as me telling my girlfriend that my last girl was a little more "firm" etc. thats a no no. dont ask, if she starts to talk about it ask her to stop.

 

You need to be secure in the fact that she is with you right now because she wants to be with you, because she likes you the way you are, dont let jeolousy ruin a good thing.

 

I do understand though, One G/F I had once told me that her greatest sexual experience was when her last B/F impulsivly put her on the kitchen table after pushing everything on the floor ripped her cloths off, and had passionate sex with her, damn why do some girls do that c-rap? also if the girl askes you about your past G/F oh thats asking for trouble, dont tell them squat, tell them that whatever happened in the past is gone, and the only thing you can think about is them. which in my case is the truth.

 

Let me put it another way, im sure you must have had a partner in the past that did or had at least something better than you current girl? am i right? does that fact make you love your G/F any less? no. same goes with her!.

 

 

[cookies]

I agree with G on the fact that "size" should never play a factor in the relationship. There can be men thats well bless in that department, but what matters the most to her is the fact that SHE LOVES YOU! not him....and how you handle your business when u make love to her, is not the same. We express ourselves tenderly when we show our passion to the one we care 4, and im sure the chemistry u have with her is not even comparable to the chemistry they had...AND how u treat her overall has a significant impact also. Just because he was bigger, doesnt mean he gives her the same pleasure as u do. When a woman in "in love" with a man,...what you have "there" is your woman´s pride and joy... If you mentioned it...shame on u! Why do u want her to be reminded of her x in that way? IF she brought it up, that was not cool...this is possibly how and why the jealousy surfaced. jealosy can ruin the best of relationships...

 

Dont compare urself with her past relationships...there was no future that lied between them, or she would still be there...but she moved on from her past, and you should so the same. If she is everything to you, and you want to let go of those ego/pride issues, you must BE her everything. The insecurities will push her away, and its almost as if you are silentlly screaming, "You are everything to me, but im NOt everything /or good enough 4 you"...Your attitude must reflect confidence in urself, that you have attained your EQUAL, and that you both are deserving of one another. Sometimes we all have higher standards than we would like to admit, but if u do just happen to find that in our mates...we really have to put forth some effort to stabilize a lasting relationship, as we probably will not come accross this again.

 

IF shes not giving u any doubts or reasons to be jealous, id say just work on that as best u can, to avoid losing her and wind up singing the blues...

 

 

cookies

[loudorange]

Thank you guys. I see that Im not an Alien life form after all 0X

 

Of course, as with all good insecurities... I was the one who brought the topic up. My dad once told me, "Never ask a question if you dont want to know the answer".... I think this is a case of that proverb. The guy wasnt some behemouth or anything, just a tad larger... meaningless I know. But to a guy.. that is all it takes sometimes.

 

The first reply hit home too, yes, I do trust this person with so much of myself, that I find any little thing has the ability to destroy me at times. What the shocking thing is that the whole feeling is brand new to me, I have never invested this many feelings in one person.

 

The nice thing is that after one of these touchy subjects comes up, I seem to be able to get over them, it just hurts initially... thus last nights posting. Today I feel a little better about the subject, and Im sure it gets better every day there after.

 

There was a great point about whether I compare her to my ex-girlfriends. And that was the one that really hit home. Yes, there have been alot of them who did things different, and had alot of other things that my present girflfriend does not have. And you know what? I never think of them, so that really helped me realize that the past is just that, the past. Who cares, it's not like I can change it, I can only let it bother me in the present and the future. Worrying about those things just really isnt productive. I see that now.

 

Thank you all so much for your responses. Each one of them really was a big help! Hopefully I dont get too down and out about things like this when they pop into my mind. If they happen to though, I know I can come here and find out exactly what I need to help me get over it!

 

 

[CrazyBabe]

Wel I'm just as bad so not much advice but you did mention that she says her past bf's wer meaningless and that would make me worse because I know thats not possible, you have to have some feelings about past relationships, you may have loved them or hated them but you have to feel something, and the fact that she says it means nothing shows she will lie to make you happy and that she doesn't really get you, honesty may hurt but is easier to get over, because you know you can fully trust her.

 

The penis size thing:

Well thats new for men isn't it, basically its the same as women and their entire bodies, she should relate, I mean women get evrythin compared to evry woman on the tv or street, not just their vaginas. She is probably way more insecure about her body than you are.

[Momene]

It's the length of the orgasm that counts, not the penis!

[Ipso Fracto Man]

I would have said it's the length of the relationship that matters most.

[texami]

good one, ipso!!

 

i was looking at the thread, and this guy posted this over 3 years ago! he might have two kids with this chick by now!!

[Momene]

I would have said it's the length of the relationship that matters most.

 

Except a one year great relationship is much better than a 50 year miserable one.