I am sick of being single

[Sirus]

I am one of these people who for some reason can not get a girlfriend and can never even find a girl who is attracted to me. i have only had one 2 week relationship with a girl that i did not like. i would kill myself, but i could never put my family through that. i am not a member of any club and my intrests are in completely male dominated subjects.

 

I have even registered myself in datting agencies but i dont have the money to keep that up. I either end up hateing myself or hatting everyone else. I have tied the whole just have fun with your mates thing, but all my mates and im not joking are in relationships and can pick people up just lke that. I try to act confident and happy but its to hard when i have no self confidence.

 

I just dont know what else to do.

[lovekitty]

the best thing i can come up with is to be patient,if theres any girl out there worthy enough for you she is worth waiting for,as the saying goes,''good things come to those who wait''..you havent exactly said anything about your qualities or if your good looking,could this be the problem or is it just lack of self confidence? some girls like shy guys,me myself would rather approach a decent shy guy up for a good time rather than a big headed cocky sod that only wants one thing,and to me it seems your the percect guy for some perfect girl,and she's probably wondering where you are! mayb your not looking hard enough,if you open your eyes and search into a girls soul to see what shes really like you will find her,if shes givin u interest she definatley will b decent for you.go get a new job,take up an interest you dont need to go to lengths like the internet that might just end up with sour results,dont worry you will find a girl and i give u all my good luck and remember stop bein unconfident! girls prefer respectful guys !!!

[Silversun]

I think what lovekitty just said is exactly what I would have said....

 

Keep your head up high, don't worry if your lacking in confidence cos theres plenty of girls out there who are looking for guys just like you...

 

Remember that patience is a virtue and that think of your situation like your waiting for a bus, you could find that a load of girls come for you all at once!

 

Take it easy and think positive...Good Luck!

[Sirus]

Thanks for your reply and people tell me i am good looking, i have tried to be confident but to be honest i think that i am just going to go offline and get completely drunk, just like i did last night.

[Fades To Black]

Well, one thing you are going to have to realize Sirus, is that girls your age (I'm 19 too) want someone mature. When you get upset, don't show your frustration by going out and getting completely smashed. And another thing is... definitely DONT date girls you dont like. I did that for 3 years before finding my own shy guy. Hes shyer than I am, but luckily he had to courage to walk up to me and introduce himself. (I had a crush on him for two years before than but never spoke a word to him) Like they said previously, good things come to those who wait... and I defintely believe that if you are looking for it, it wont come. you're still young! you'll find your woman, don't get disappointed yet.

[Caldus]

Sirius, I'm sure you've heard of all of the advice on this subject, so I will just say that the best thing you can do in the meantime is to concentrate on yourself. I try to keep myself busy with different hobbies and a job, etc. and also keep up with my coursework. Just know that there are many other guys in your situation. I don't think it's a good idea to get smashed for that reason though, but it's your choice. My roommate did it and realized later on that he regretted trying to drink his problems away for a temporary amount of time (although it was really amusing to see him like that, but in the long run it wasn't worth it). I wish you luck as well!

[Sirus]

Thankyou everybody for your replies they do help a bit

 

Waiting is all very well but there have been loads of girls that i have liked and they have either turned me down, ignored me, embarrased me by leading me on then letting me make an arse of myself, or be snaped up by someone i thought was my best mate. what a truly great record of achievements to build up confidence.

 

Not even adding the fact that i am not happy with any single part of myself, personality, or physicaly. I dont think that waiting is goint to help. even if their was a girl i liked i just dont have the confidence to talk to her.

[lovekitty]

well flippin hell there aint NO helping you then,if your not goin to compromise with our help and just reply with negatives all the time then your just going to get no where!!! stop it now! remember,no body is perfect and the only way your goin to become the posotive person your wishing to be your goin to have to start from the inside,do u feel hapy inside? dont ever let your thoughts take over,thats the worst way...all i can say is BE PATIENT despite a horrid experience,i had a mate like u,he was shy,didnt like himself called himself fat got used got taken for a ride girls would string him along but then he found a girl he fell in love with n fell in love with him back! so its not impossible.mayb where ur goin wrong is showin your vulnerable side,the fact u dont love yourself lookin for someone to fill in that part of your life,i suggest u DO start with urself! i cant say anymor cos i doubt u will accept this advice but im only tellin u for ur own good....take care.

[Sirus]

Thankyou

[neva_black_n_white]

Hey, i wouldnt say its too great a problem to be thinking of suicide but at the same time i havent experianced what you have so its likely that we have a different view upon this, you have already stated that the interests you do have are all male related so you can obviously see that this is something that does rule out you interacting with the oposite sex, however, it seems the problem you have is likely because your counting the days your out of a relationship and the days you are in. its odd that you seem to have an expectancy to be with someone when it shouldnt be like that, you cant look for something great as you did and went out with someone you didnt even like becaause you are portraying false confidence, i dont think its the issue of working on how to get a girl but more so what you can do to actually work on your self confidence, since this is something you lack.

 

what part of attracting a woman do you find difficult, are you comfortable with the way you look (it doesnt matter about others, as long as you feel comfortable this will show through your personality)?

do you find it easy to talk to a woman or intiate a conversation?

 

what areas do you feel are weaker for you?

 

kel

[Sirus]

To be honest im not entirly happy with my image, but i can live with it. it is more the fact that Girls gernaly show no intrest in me and so i dont know who likes me and so i dont really feel like i can just go up to them and start talking, its more i would prefer to have then show some intrest.

[neva_black_n_white]

i can understand that, so if its something you want to change because your not comfortable than what area is it that you would like to change and for what reason, is it the structure of your body? only if you work on self esteem then you may find that you are more attractive because of the way you come accross not just because of looks.

it seems like your scared of rejection, and you might be thinking arent we all, but it seems to me that you want women to come to you, but remember if your scared of rejection and approahing doesnt it mean they are as liable as you to also fear this. i think that you will have to work on your looks, are you comfortable with your personality and not being false to yourself? because then you will be able to approach people more.

 

what do you think? and please comment if you dont agree with my analysis.

 

kel

[RDW]

Sometimes its kinda hard to find someone compatible it can be unbearalbe. When I go out with my friends it also seems like they can impress all the girls, then I come in to action trying to be smooth and I dunno I just don't have alot of confidence either. I don't understand why I'm like this and it is hard to change youself overnight that is if you even want to change. I know it's all in my head, and I think girls can sense when a guy is a little unsure of himself. One thing I would try is going somewhere a little more comfortable. Im guessing but I might be wrong but do you and your friends go to bars and clubs. I think it's a little harder for myself to meet girls in places like that because usually the whole place is filled with people who have high self esteem and are ready to party and more than likely to go for a guy who is forward and assure of himself. So I would say to try somewhere a little less busy and maybe with not so many friends, but thats a guess since I'm not really sure where you and your friends go. It is really hard to just feel good about yourself and I think it just mulitplies your feelings and emotions when your having trouble finding the right women. This is common, I have found out by this website and I found out I'm not alone in my feelings, which makes it easier to cope with myself. But you are correct you are important to your family and it would be devistating if something happened to you. Its not the end for you, girls do like you, but you have to just give a little effort, girls usually don't just come talk to you, sometimes you have to just go for it, which is very difficult for me, but just has to be tried. I have a problem with picking things that I don't like about myself, but it's in my head, and I think you might have just talked yourself into the way you feel about yourself. But everyone has a chance to get the right girl it's just taking those first steps, feel good about youself, also work on coversation it helps to have something interesting to talk about. Just remember that this is common and your not the only one. These are just opinions from what I've learned about myself and from others.

[Million Dead]

hay sirus.... i know totally how you feel hay. its so bloody annoying to see all your mates happy and cuddling up to their girlfriends. I been looking myself for a while and had no luck... just hang in there....

i mean, i'm hell confident and self-assured myself and i STILL cant get a girlfriend. I just try not to think of it. and if you get reeeeaaaalllly sick of seeing other guys an their girlfriends being totally smoochy etc, just laugh at them and think how petty they are for drowing the uninterested public in their oral fluids.

[Wraith]

I'm confused Sirus can I ask exactly why you want a girl friend so much?

 

What exactly causes you to feel fed up about being single?

 

I don't know it seems really quite pointless to me unless you want to find someone to have a family with?

 

Perhaps I'm bitter? I've never had a girl friend I really just see people as wanting partners as fashion accessories or emotional crutches - am I missing something?

 

I've seen all of my friends go through a cycle of getting girl friends, sleeping with them, breaking up, feeling upset, and then doing it all again - I pretty much know for a fact at no point were they interested in 'committing' so short of satisfying their 'base instincts' and boosting their 'egos' I don't see the point of such a 'cycle'.

 

I admit however there was a time when I did look for a girl friend (when I was younger and not wise enough to see it was just social pressure) and nothing ever happened and I realised that most women around my age at least just want the guy who'll make their friends the most envious and most men (of the same age) just want a girl friend for casual sex.

 

Perhaps things are different at your age? (Are you 34? Fades to Black's post suggested your 19?)

 

Wow I'm very bitter and cynical aren't I?

 

Forgive me.

 

Still… it's just another perspective for you to consider and even if you disagree with me at least my comments serve as a dire warning of what happens to you if you ever even contemplate 'giving up'.

[Million Dead]

that IS very cynical wraith ahhahaa... i think sirus, like me, just has a lot of love to give and no one to give it to. its not just about sex, or making a family... its about sharing a unique experience with someone else... (jeez i'm turning into a romantic... *shoots self in head*)

haha

-Million Dead