Should I move for her?

[cupcake74]

My girlfriend and I have been happily together for over 2 years. We rarely fight, and have generally a very healthy relationship. I am 35, and she is 26. Due to our age difference, I think I am a little more ready for marriage than she is - we've talked about being together forever, and she has said sometimes she feels a little pressured by me. So I have backed off on the future talks, and she does seem more relaxed about it. She does say "if we ever had kids" and "when were old together", I just think she's young, and feels she has plenty of time for all that planning, where I'm a little more ready to lock it up, so to speak.

 

Anyway...she is finding out this week if she is getting transferred out of state. And she wants me to come with. We both have professional, well paying jobs, and both desire to "climb the corporate ladder". Coming with means I could be without a job for a while, could be taking a step back in my career, who knows?? We would be financially fine without one of us working, I just don't know if I should make this sort of sacrifice without being at least engaged?? I think we will get married within the next year or two, but can I take that kind of chance?? What if I quit my job, move with her, and a year later, in some random new city, we break up??

 

What should I do??

[Sanesoul]

Life is all about about risks. No one can predict the future. What do you feel in your heart right now? If you really love her and want to be with her, then I say Damn the Torpedoes....

[DN]

I would not advise moving with her unless there was some commitment to a long-term relationship.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Don't leave your job and end up unemployed just so that you can follow HER dream which ultimately may not include you. If she is nowhere near ready to get married then I suggest you keep this relationship long distance and see if she is REALLY ready to be with you for the long haul. Long distance relationships do indeed work if both people are truly committed to each other and if there is ultimately a plan to be together. If she seriously wants to be with you then while you are in the LDR you can put out feelers for jobs in the city where she is moving to. Do not move until you have another job lined up. In other words, protect yourself, protect your career and protect your interests. You don't really know just how long-term serious she is about you.

[jpmartin]

I suggest "no", I don't want to say you two are incompatible, but you two have different opinions on an important issue. and if you move for her, you might end up feeling you input too much so it'll imbalance your relationship more.

[Maya_A]

Don't leave your job and end up unemployed just so that you can follow HER dream which ultimately may not include you. If she is nowhere near ready to get married then I suggest you keep this relationship long distance and see if she is REALLY ready to be with you for the long haul. Long distance relationships do indeed work if both people are truly committed to each other and if there is ultimately a plan to be together. If she seriously wants to be with you then while you are in the LDR you can put out feelers for jobs in the city where she is moving to. Do not move until you have another job lined up. In other words, protect yourself, protect your career and protect your interests. You don't really know just how long-term serious she is about you.

 

I completely agree with the above.

 

She had no trouble accepting the job out of state & away from you, knowing what that means. Not that she should not have or it is a "bad' thing, but keep in mind that it is a conscious decision she made to do so, based on her own apparently very strong desire.

[bayley]

Dont move. Dont distrupt your life so she can follow her dreams. It'd be different if your engaged or married. But it appears that she isn't eager to be in either one of those positions yet.

 

Let her move and settle in. What if you both move and it doens't work out? You've left your job, your house everything and have to start over. What if you move, and turns out she doesn't like it? You can always search for possible job options over there from where you are so you have a job set up.

 

has she thought what this would do to your relationship? Did she put in for the transfer? And has she voiced that she wants you to come or has she said its up to you? I'd be weary if she said it was up to you.

[bayley]

Dont move. Dont distrupt your life so she can follow her dreams. It'd be different if your engaged or married. But it appears that she isn't eager to be in either one of those positions yet.

 

Let her move and settle in. What if you both move and it doens't work out? You've left your job, your house everything and have to start over. What if you move, and turns out she doesn't like it? You can always search for possible job options over there from where you are so you have a job set up.

 

has she thought what this would do to your relationship? Did she put in for the transfer? And has she voiced that she wants you to come or has she said its up to you? I'd be weary if she said it was up to you.

[cupcake74]

She didn't put in for it, her company is making her. She has voiced strongly that she wants me to come with. She has joked that she won't go without me, but I'm not so sure about that. When I suggested I may not come with, she asked if I would consider long distance just while we found a way to be closer. I think this could be a good compromise...

 

In the meantime, her company hasn't even confirmed if she has to move - so we've been on hold for almost 3 weeks. It's hard to really decide anything until she knows exactly what the new job would be, and where it would be located. Until then, just a whole lotta stress.