Should I be concerned...

[rgm1266]

I met an incredible woman 2 months or so ago online. We spend alot of time together, talk on the phone, and enjoy eachother's company. There's definitely alot of chemistry there. We both admitted that we don't like to date around or multiple people at one time. After a little while, we both said we wanted to only date eachother. So we decided to take our profiles down.

 

The problem that I'm running in to is that a few weeks ago, I had a feeling in my gut that she was still checking her profile and mail on the dating site. And guess what. it said she logged in within 24hrs. So I waited a for more days and it said she recently logged on. She I confronted her and she said she didn't know how to take it down, but she cancelled her membership. But you are still able to receive emails till your paid subscription expires. So I accepted her answer and left it alone.

 

During the last few weeks, I had been checking to see if she logged and she hadn't. So I felt comfortable. So last night, I decided last night to check again and guess what. She was logged in while she was at work.

 

How would you feel if you were in a commited relationship and your b/f or g/f still had a profile online and they were still checking their mail or logging on to check their account?

 

What would you do?

 

Thanks,

Rob

[nutbrownhare]

If you're sure she's cancelled her membership, then I wouldn't worry. She may be logging in to respond to emails with a 'No, thanks' - ask her about it. There may be something to it, maybe not.

 

My feeling is that two months isn't long enough to have a 'committed' relationship - though it is long enough to have an exclusive one. I'd put my profile back up there again, unless there really was a convincing, innocent explanation for the continued activity - and keep looking yourself.

[onewithbooks]

You may still be able to receive e-mails, but she can mark them as spam in her e-mail and not get them. When does her paid subscription expire?

 

Honestly, I would not say anything to her about it, and here is why.

 

1. Though you have agreed to be exclusive, two months is really fast to be "committed" to anything.

 

2. There is not a good way to let her know that you know she is still looking. She will feel like you do not trust her and that may be a breach from which you never recover.

 

3. As a previous poster mentioned, you do not know how she is responding to those e-mails.

 

I think it is best to wait out the situation until her subscription expires. If she then is continuing to check, you have a problem.

 

If the fact that her profile is up is nagging at you, you could say something like "Honey, I was thinking about that conversation we had the other day about our profiles, and you said you did not know how to take it down. I want to apologize for not offering to show you how if you wanted you. I should have offered, and I didn't. If you want me to, I would be more than happy."

[rgm1266]

Thanks for the advice. I meant to say we are in a exclusive and not commited. She told me that when we first emailed eachother, that she joined at the same time I did. So if that is the case and my membership expired a while ago, then the same is true about hers. I did offer her a while back and explained to her how to take down her profile. But I guess she didn't want to do that or didn't remember how to do it.

 

I will take your advice and wait to see what happens. Just go with the flow. If she continues to log on and check, then I guess we are not on the same page as I thought and post my profile back online.

 

The last thing I want to do is to be a cop or not trust anyone. People do what they want to do!!!

[shikashika]

How many times have you met in person? I'm confused if this is an online relationship or someone you just happened to meet online.

[ElChup]

This happened to me with my ex-fiancé. We met on link removed. Six months into the relationship I noticed her profile was still up (although she hadn't been logging in). Naturally after that amount of time I thought * * * ?? Her justification was that she had take up the further six months free option just as a safeguard if we didn't work out. I politely requested that she take it down and she did.

 

Are you worried she is getting bored of you and looking for someone new? If so, pehaps you need to sit down and chat with her. Be careful though, she may accuse you of invading her privacy.

 

What's more, have you that that (presumably) you can only see her profile if you log on yourself? Is your account still active?

[rgm1266]

We see eachother several times a week (3-4) and talk on the phone alot. We live about 15-20 minutes away from eachother.

[rgm1266]

I met her on Match too. I took down my profile, so there are no records of my profile. I just find it funny that she still logs in to Match. Even if her membership is cancelled, she is still able to receive winks. Maybe she's checking to see who has winked or viewed her profile? We could sit here all day and speculate. The best thing to do is to sit back and go with the flow. If she continues to log on to Match, then I will address the issue.

 

What you do in the dark, shall come to light!!

[HouseKitten]

As another poster mentioned, the fact that you've already told her once that you checked up on her is going to work against you. If you bring this up again she may well turn it around to focus on the fact that you don't trust her.

 

I've not been on link removed - do they maybe have forums or quizzes that she has to log in to access? That seems like a long shot since surely she would have mentioned that when you asked her the first time, but you never know.

 

Do you have reason to believe she might be talking to other men besides this? I mean, if you didn't know about her profile still being up would you have reason to question her?