Ok, long story, here goes

[coyne740]

So, I started dating about 8 months after a breakup from a 4 year relationship. Talked to this girl (Jane) from July of last year until we finally met up in September. Hit it off great, terrific chemistry and we dated from September until November. Old issues from my 4 year ex came up and Jane couldn't handle my insecurities.

 

We kept talking throughout Thanksgiving and many times I tried to cut it off. However, she kept texting saying she missed me, and wanted to work it out. She called occasionally to see how I was, but I brought up our relationship and how I missed her. It hit a head about two weeks before Christmas, when I unblocked her on Facebook and saw that she was dating someone new in her hometown (we live about 2 hours away now). Well, I broke off contact again, and on Xmas Eve, I sent her a text saying Merry Christmas and we started talking again. LC from then until New Years Eve, when I told her I had to go NC again, not to contact me and she sent me a text saying that she was sad, missed me already and loved me.

 

Well... I wanted to know what it meant and she sent no explanation until about a week ago, when she said she really missed me, thought about me all of the time and thought of us together again, but it was complicated because she is dating someone. She admitted she didn't feel the same way about him and we started having dirty talk over the phone and talking about meeting.

 

This is where is stands now.... we talk every night about our feelings and what's going on, have phone sex more than once a night, but she will not give me a definite on meeting. I know the guy she dates travels a lot, and I was dating, but decided that I need to not date around (I slept with about 4 girls as a way to get over her.... THIS DOES NOT WORK!) I was honest with her about it, and she understood. Should I drop this girl like a bad habit? We never communicated like this when we were together and she has been really talking about meeting up and saying we are closer now than we were when we were together. I know that if we meet up, the chemistry will be there on my side, and most likely on hers from what she says. I'm confused, maybe even more than she. I know she doesn't want to hurt anyone, but this is really messing with me.

[coco_angel]

Hi coyone740,

 

I am sorry you are going through this. You answered your own question Drop her like a bad habit. She is dating soemonelse. I have to admit I used to play with guys for fun and its not nice but it happens.

 

She knows you want her and regardless if she is happy or not in her current relationship has nothing to do with you. If she didn't want to be with him she would break up. She is also cheating emotionally and worse she is stringing you along.

 

One thing, you said you had insecurities well please think about this. If she is acting this way in her current relationship.

 

Will she do the same with you?

 

I think you should go find a another woman that you are not having sex with to build a strong emotional connection with.

 

What do you want from your next relationship or from this one? Long term dating? Casual? What should be your focus is what you want and if she is on board with that.

 

If not then move on!

[coyne740]

The big thing that stands out is that she says she does not care about this guy, gets mad whenever I go out with anyone else, and is meeting me next week. I guess we will see after that!

[coco_angel]

When you meet her you should tell her what you want straight up!

 

Good luck.

[coyne740]

She already knows I want her back, she wants to meet up before telling this guy that she wants to be with me. The thing is, she has backed out of meeting up with me this week, and wants to meet up next week now. I told her that ok, but next week is it. I want to be able to hold it together and be confident in myself until then, but it's tough when she has someone else in the picture and gives me crap for dating other people. She just said that he was there for her when she was sad about me, and he was nice to her. I know I am being a doormat, I recognize that fact, and I am going to talk to her some more about it tomorrow.

[coyne740]

So... update to this... last night, I was so anxious thinking about the comments I saw on her FB page about her new guy and what she has said to me about him, that I called her about 7 times at 3 in the morning to "talk" about what I wanted to get off my chest. She sent me an IM this morning that said she missed me, but wants to not talk for a week or so. If I make NC for a week, I think I may just be aloof and keep it NC or LC... but that's totally out of character for me with this woman. How can I just make it seem like I am busy???

[coyne740]

We talked again last night... she said she was really confused, wanted to see me but it would be too passionate and not fair to the person she was with. His sister was diagnosed with cancer and he is relying on her as a crutch, I guess. I hate to say this, but what about my feelings? What about what is going on in my life? Anyone have thoughts?

[Nickk]

NC NC NC!!!!! At least till the guy is out of the picture.

[Tanzi]

She is blowing hot and cold. She needs to decide what she wants and until that time you need to stick with NC. You need to take control of this situation and show her you mean business. That in itself may shake her up into making a decision. Otherwise leave well alone, bottom line is she has a boyfriend and no matter what she says she is still with him for whatever the reason.

[coyne740]

I talked to her today... she compared us to "The Notebook" her family is extremely close to her new guy, known him forever, their sisters are best friends, she has cancer.... He is extremely vulnerable now I guess, and she feels bad leaving him for me, the bad boy ex... I dunno what to do... advice?

[newinvention]

Seriously - Cut all contact with her and have some self-respect. Doing so will either push her to you or away - either way, you will have your answer. She's playing you.