Healing after a double dose of hearbreak :(

[HeartBrokn]

I am writing this loooong piece to vent. I’ve had a few rough months I am feeling very lonely and sad.

 

End of October my wife dropped the D word on me which was a huge shock to me. It was really tough to swallow (sts), I tried everything in my book to reconcile, to try to convince her that whatever lack of love she was feeling towards me was just something that was temporary and something we can get past. I tried to convince her to go to counseling, I tried to explain to her that at times in our marriage I was feeling lack of love towards her and that I came around and I tried just about anything in the book to keep her with me in the marriage. It was a tough reality. I was losing someone that was mother of my children, my partner in life and someone that was just as big part of me as I was to myself. It was devastating for me to be going through something so painful because it was so unexpected.

 

What makes things worse for me is that I am in the military, I got a new assignment over the summer I am moving in a couple of weeks, and I know for sure that I will be separated by distance from my two beautiful kids. This to me was a combination blow (sts) losing my marriage and my kids all at the same time.

 

I cried every night early November and I just had the toughest time. I then met someone online and we became really close really quick. I was not looking to meet anyone for anything other than friendship. Well we chatted every night and we really connected. We started to both recognize that we were having feelings for each other and even though we wanted to keep things on the friendly level until my divorce was finalizes we could not only stay just friends. A month passed we were doing great, we had a few issues that were brought up mostly to do with how we communicated. Since we sort of had an online relationship a lot of the communication that was sent through text had a tendency to be misunderstood. Either way after talking so long with each other we both fell in Love (well at least that’s what I thought, I was in love… her not so much)

 

I went on a trip with my kids for a few days and she told me she was going to a party. I didn’t really think anything of it because I really did not think anything was going to happen at the party. She called me that night at 3 am to basically tell me how much fun she had and also to tell me how much she loved me. She said I love you more than just a friend. Next day she doesn’t call, which was very unlike her because we chatted all the time. I finally called her at the end of the day and asked her if everything was alright. She claimed everything was fine and that she was busy but then she asked me a question which made it seem like she was interested in dating some guy from class. I got hurt and told her some mean things, she basically said goodbye and that was that.

 

We didn’t talk for a couple of days and later I apologized to her for how I reacted. Either way she said we were done even though she told me how much she loved me. Later on I found out she met some guy at the party the same night she told me “how much she loved me” (lol) and they went out on couple of dates. The best part is that she asked me a few days later if I met someone? After I asked her that same question she said some guy was interested in her but she wasn’t feeling it for him (lol right). This was towards the end of December.

 

So some time passes and I basically am heartbroken x 2 trying to deal with not only with my divorce but dealing with falling in love with someone that did not treat it as seriously as I did. I didn’t have the closure and for that I was left in a limbo. She on the other hand was dating, being content without the care of what I was going through until about 3 weeks after we stopped talking she reapers and tells me that she misses me, of course this was tough on me because I couldn’t stop thinking of her and she practically left without an explanation. It turns out she was having issues with this guy and he apparently is not the guy who she thought he was. So she tells me she misses me and that she can’t stop thinking of me. This is really tough on me, because in some ways I have tried to patch up that hurt she left me in and now she is just rekindling the feelings and basically using me to feel the void she was left with, from her last break up.

 

How can someone be able to just be so damn heartless? I understand we all get into relationships to fulfill some sort of a need. That is normal to a certain degree but to flat out use someone and play around with their emotions and feelings, especially after they got out of a long relationship after being left so vulnerable is just cruel and selfish.

 

What I have learned from this experience is that you should NEVER get into another relationship as a rebound before you can properly heal. For one, the online girl created a diversion from the thing I should have been doing and that was cooping. She filled my emptiness with something good (sts) and because of that I did not have a chance to properly grieve. Since that did not happen the online girl walking out in the way she did created a magnified feeling of sadness and loss. Love is a special thing and if you don’t really love someone don’t lead that person down a wrong path. She told me she loved me only to find out later I was being led on. I wanted to work things out with this girl so bad that I overlooked many of the red flags she was showing me the entire time.

 

Only things to do in this situation is to completely cut that person off because there will be temptations to try to make something to work only to realize later that the feelings are not mutual. Again sorry for the long post, and I appreciate you guys reading.

[MorbidMetalHead87]

You should take your focus off relationships for now, and focus on other factors in your life, Until your in a place where your happy with yourself enough to have someone love you and you love them back. Because yes it's true we all yearn for someone else by our side, But when you look at the bigger picture, There are other things in life that matter as well. Relationships are not everything. But the way to a good relationship is being in a place, where you are not looking for a relationship. But at the same time your willing to go for one provided it's someone worth while. And at the same time you gotta know who you consider to be worth while. And remember trust has out be earned not giving out to anyone.

 

I am very sorry about this all happening to you, Things can get better though. Just hung in there, The people on this forum are really nice. Remember in time this will all fade away.

[tina-rocks]

Oh Heartbrokn, I am so truly sorry, Is there anything I can do?

 

I am always here for you

 

Christina x Big (hugs)

[HeartBrokn]

MMH87 yeah you are right, I realized that I was an emotional mess and I did not want to jump into a new relationship because I wanted the new one to be real and healthy but we had such a great connection it really felt right. I realized that in some ways it was not mutual

 

 

Oh Heartbrokn, I am so truly sorry, Is there anything I can do?

 

I am always here for you

 

Christina x Big (hugs)

 

Thank you so much Tina, hug right now is great. I really appreciate you offering an ear for me. I am trying to deal with disappointment, I've been heartbroken before and it's never a great feeling, but I just wanted to vent and to address how some people can only see their situation and not really care about what others might be losing or getting from their actions. Thank you so much for being a friend.