ex said she is willing to talk

[kinetic32]

after 14 days of absolute no contact. my ex and i did some texting today.

 

it all started because i had asked for a ring back..not an engagment ring just a ring that had some personal value attached to it. anyways i had said if you never choose to talk to me again could you please mail my ring to me

 

after 2 weeks of no contact she responded quickly, saying that she knows the ring is important to me and that she would never keep it.. it is hers it didnt belong to her and i deserve to have it.

 

i simply said to her thank you.. and thank you for responding

 

after a few texts i had asked.. is there any chance we can fix things or is it truly over.

 

she said.. i honestly wholeheartedly cant answer that because i honestly dont know.

 

i asked if she would be willing to talk

 

she said she would be willing, if it can be a friendly talk and if it doesnt invole any deep emotional talk.

 

i said i would like that... we are supposed to talk tomorrow.. i told her to have a good night tonight and be safe( she was going to a friends house for a bday get togethor) and she had wished me good luck on my poker tourney tonight.

 

after today i feel like im just.. well i dont know where i am actually i can say it was a relief to hear from her.

 

i dont know if she still loves me and is scared and wants to get into things slowly due to the fact i have hurt her before?

 

are we going to be friends?

 

anyone with some thoughts about what is going on or some insights would be helpfull..

 

what do you think is happening here ?

[Drep]

my two cents..she is definitely interested in at least talking about working it out....my ex won't return my emails or txts, even to get my stuff back!

[nina2009]

depends on why you guys broke.

 

Unfortunately do not have any wisdom though myself had this talk just a two days ago. It feels good to communicate. I like NC only if it is truly over. If it is not over I prefer communication even if it is not a deep one.

 

As you described your texting it was about you asking for the talk. So it would be good to come up with some agenda. I would recommend to collect all positive thoughts and intentions and make this talk as positive as possible.

 

She most likely will be passive and checking you out. If you have something to apologize, do it, if you came to some understandings about your previous conflict, share it. Show her appreciation and respect. Do not load her up with negative emotions you have. Take a full responsibility for your own emotional state during this conversation and do not let yourself down. It is not a good place to go teary-eye.

 

I wish you good luck!

[nina2009]

I read your other posts and I can relate. She was withdrawing her emotions from you, her affection, compassion and interest. I can see how it might lead to the break up. The last year and a half I am myself in the relationship with the person who would never be there for me with compassion when something bad for me happens. I got used to it, plus there are always other people who do like and respect me, so I get the positive communication I need.

 

However I doubted the same thing you did: is it true love or something else? As someone told here that it might be a passive-aggressive break up in disguise.

 

At the same time I understand your relief when she texted you back. I know the feeling. While we are communicating we have a control of solving something or of learning something. When another decides for us that we are not going to be in contact it controls our needs and opportunities. It controls our freedom. And personally I hate it. That is why when I have been put to wait without possibility to talk, I broke up back and didn't talk because I decided so. Sounds childish but it did help.

 

In your situation it would be good to know why she is not responsive and intimate in emotional sphere. Is it how she feels about you or it is her personality trait? If it is her personality trait and she is not going to change would you be willing to accept it?

 

I would recommend during this conversation establish some possibility for communication. May be even "let's be friends for now". It will remove unnecessary stress from you and will free your mind to think what you really feel about this relationship.

[kinetic32]

well this is the second break up. i had left both times.. she came back after the first time..and i gave us another chance. as far as this went... we had an argument and after 4 days of not hearing from her... i left again... but i had hurt her.. i have a temoer issue.. although i have nor will ever hit.. i did let my voice get a little hostile.. there was some name calling on my part.. nothing too derogatory and nothing insulting.. i just blew up..

 

the bottom line is that I want to start over.. she knows that.. i have been seeing a phychiatrist/counselor and have been doing excersises and doing alot of reading..and really making an honest effort to recognize and control this behavior.. I had said my apologies. and expressed how i truly feel about her.. not the im alone and panicing feeling.. but how i realize that I may go on with life but i wont be complete feelings... i have made it clear that even though itll take time to do a complete 180 on some of the issues i have.. Im well on my path to acomplishing it.

 

so thats the back story of everything..

 

i feel like how it is hard to give someone a second chance its almost rare to give a third.. i just dont want to biuld myself up... yet i dont want to blow anything.

 

i feel like the weeks to come will be so critical... does she want to fix things ?

does she want to start over?

is this just a beginning to closure?

am i getting one last chance?

what are her intentions by not wanting to get into emotional deep thoughts?

are those feelings not there anymore for her?

 

i just dont know how to go about this...

ive never been at this place before.. nor have i ever cared so much... what do i do?

[nina2009]

absorb life and see what happens.