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...to reconcile? or not?

jjkalai

By jjkalai
in Getting Back Together

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jjkalai Apprentice

jjkalai

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First of all, I want to say hello to everyone since this is my first post! I'm looking forward to hearing from all of you!

 

So me and this girl have been together for almost 2 years. We had a relationship for 6 months, broke up. Went out two years later (I dated someone else for two years), and she recently broke up with me and it hurts. I really really loved her. We both moved from home to college together and have had a lot of positive experiences. We share the same interests, music, everything. I feel like she was the perfect match for me.

 

The reason why we broke up is because we had some issues (trust etc.) and my ex girlfriend emailed me out of the blue. I replied back trying to put some closure and she got upset and broke up with me. I'm in no ways still in love with my ex. I still think of her as a friend.

 

Two days later, I tried to call her (she went on a trip home from college) to apologize and she told me she already found someone else =/ One of her friends whom I'm pretty close to told me she's not in love they are just dating. He was just interested and he took advantage of it. I don't get how she could just find someone the next day? It broke my heart.

 

Funny thing is, I still wanna be with her. I'm willing to do anything in the world to still be with her. She's now been in town for a day now and I texted her "I hope you had a safe plane ride in" last night. Her friend texted me "she's really over it, you need to stop trying to contact her". I'm confused as what to do now... All my friends tell me I should just move on and forget about her, but I still want to be with her. I want to show her how much I've changed since she was gone and It's hard for me to show her. She thinks I'll never change because throughout our relationship we've broken up and got back together prematurely a couple of times and the same problems have arisen. Yet I had a break from her which was what I needed all this time to change. Her friends also told me that it also takes two in a relationship. Do you guys think she's over me for good? does she still have feelings for me?

 

Hopefully you guys can help me out on what to do next...

 

Thanks.

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anon12 Enthusiast

anon12

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The new guy shes with , 2 days after leaving you, is almost definatly a rebound.

It wont last long, asoon as the honeymoon period is over, they normally start getting nostalgic, realising what they've missed.

 

(read )

 

In my opinion, you send her a message, explaining the situation with your ex ex, i mean, you dont have to appologise, you did nothing wrong in speaking to someone, but if she spoke to her ex, you wouldnt be too happy im sure. Anyway,

say how the time apart gave you the opportunity to look back, realise your mistakes, and that now your taking positive steps to fix them.

 

let her know where you stand, and stop contacting her.

She cant miss you if you dont leave.

Focus on yourself in the mean time, go to the gym, catch up with your old friends, go out.

Dont set your self up to be a safety net, If she knows your waiting for her, then that gives her the control.

Put yourself in control of the situation. And if she contacts you, only respond when she says she wants you back,

 

But if she doesnt come back, because your not in contact, its going to help you heal aswell

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jjkalai Apprentice

jjkalai

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The new guy shes with , 2 days after leaving you, is almost definitely a rebound.

It wont last long, as soon as the honeymoon period is over, they normally start getting nostalgic, realising what they've missed.

 

That's what I'm thinking. Especially since he's back at home and she's here in college (about 2,000 miles away) now...

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catfeeder Grand Master

catfeeder

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[...]The reason why we broke up is because we had some issues (trust etc.) and my ex girlfriend emailed me out of the blue. I replied back trying to put some closure and she got upset and broke up with me. I'm in no ways still in love with my ex. I still think of her as a friend.[...]

 

What does 'trust issues' mean, exactly? Who didn't trust whom?

 

How did GF know about the text from the ex? How did she know you responded?

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jjkalai Apprentice

jjkalai

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What does 'trust issues' mean, exactly? Who didn't trust whom?

 

How did GF know about the text from the ex? How did she know you responded?

 

It was hard for both of us to trust each other. We both lied to each other about various things. It was getting better before we broke up.

 

She found out about the email (not text) because I guess she was looking at my emails (I gave her my password). She didn't even want to talk about it nor ask me about the email. I woke up the next day, was gonna leave her a comment on Facebook and noticed her relationship status was single. =/

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anon12 Enthusiast

anon12

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It's already been a day now, and I feel like contacting her =/

 

I know I shouldn't and I should keep NC as long as I can... I just don't really know if she's really truly moving on, or if she's just saying that.

 

Not knowing is the worst thing, but if you say something, whats it going to achieve?

 

If she says she is over it, then your gonna go NC,

If she says she isnt, until she's left the other guy, and tells you she wants you back, your still gonna be NC

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jjkalai Apprentice

jjkalai

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She knows how to reach you if she wants to.

 

In my case, do you guys think that she will eventually miss me? We've spent a lot of time her in college together and we've had many positive experiences. I have a feeling that she's just in a fustrated/ upset mode and will eventually realize what she's done. It feels so weird because I haven't been here in college without her. It's hard for me to move on because I can't go back to my life before her cause I have been with her this whole time in a new city...

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anon12 Enthusiast

anon12

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In my case, do you guys think that she will eventually miss me? We've spent a lot of time her in college together and we've had many positive experiences. I have a feeling that she's just in a fustrated/ upset mode and will eventually realize what she's done. It feels so weird because I haven't been here in college without her. It's hard for me to move on because I can't go back to my life before her cause I have been with her this whole time in a new city...

 

Are there loads of small things that get you all nostalgic?

 

I dont like going there because thats where we went..

this song, that place, that tv program

 

As far as im concerned, if your thinking that, she will be too,

once the honeymoon period for them is over,

those little things are going to matter to her abit more, and thats when she gets nostalgic

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jjkalai Apprentice

jjkalai

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Are there loads of small things that get you all nostalgic?

 

I dont like going there because thats where we went..

this song, that place, that tv program

 

As far as im concerned, if your thinking that, she will be too,

once the honeymoon period for them is over,

those little things are going to matter to her abit more, and thats when she gets nostalgic

 

Yeah, pretty much everything gets me a bit nostalgic, I even have to pass by her dorms everyday in order to get to school. I had a lot to look forward to in the future with her. I'm just worried if she's REALLY over it for good. It sucks to know that I've finally changed and its too late. How long do you think I should wait to break nc and try talking to her again? I also still have all her stuff...

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