way to start the year.

[kinetic32]

I am already depressed about the new year... it just has started on the wrong foot...I actually getting to that point i used to be at... you know how they say history repeats itself.. is there anything that can be done to prevent it?

 

My world has just been unwraveling.. the last two days i have been at work has been a nightmare. i work as a paramedic and had my first death of the year. with an intense emotional family.. everyone at work seems like they are just attacking me.. from giving me about the most insignificant things..like just looking for something to attack me for..there is complete disespect towards me. and I made a mistake, not even work related and like i was ganged up by 4 coworkers in the building all just attacking and criticizing me.. then questioned what i did with a pt.. and i did the right thing and the hospital even backed me up on it. but lately i feel as if they are just out for blood and wanting to dig into me any ways they can.. ive done nothing wrong to these people so why am i getting persecuted like that?

 

on top of it all my gf offers no comfort about anything. even after i said im really stressed right ow i need someone to talk to... im feeling very loney and its one of those days where you need someone .. but no one seems to be around. normally i just dont let anything bother me like this.. in fact i take great pride in the fact i have such a good mental awareness to be able to combat problems and just let it be and stay calm and at piece.. and its like its all built up too much and now im just breaking down. im full of just hate and anger.. the whole relief of just going into work with a shotgun and blowing up kneecaps.. of course i never would do such a thing but you all know the thoughts..

 

I just wish i had enough money saved to just up and leave this place and just drive and start all over... its been like 4 hours now and i still havent spoken to my gf.. ive called her twice now.. she text me an hour after i left her a text telling her i was just in such a bad place.. all i got was .."sorry your day sucked am i wrong to have wanted a "itll get better" Im here if you need to talk" or just a simple "I love you " Im seriously considering leaving her for the simple fact after 2 years of being there for her I need her and she shows no compassion whatsoever about my or the fact im down and need someone. is that?

 

AM i overreacting? maybe im just being needy.. honestly right now i just am numb.. i really could care less Ive calmed down and forced a smile on my face.. "it is what it is " "make the best of it" "you can be a victim or a volunteer" how many years am i going to have to force those thoughts onto myself before I finally feel secure enough to really believe EVERYTHING WILL BE OK.

[Blue Skittles]

Oh my goodness - what a terrible experience this must be for you. You wouldn't by chance happen to be a Gemini would you? (long story I won't get into it)

 

I wish I could say something that would offer you comfort during this time. The biggest thing I could say would be to take care of yourself and make YOU a priority. Do things that will make you happy and take your mind off the stress. Do you have a friend or family member that is supportive that you can talk to? Can you take some time off work to get away from it for a bit?

[kinetic32]

im a scorpio.. and i have doing things today.. im actually talking to my aunt we are getting a laugh just venting shes got her issues as well. i think im good though and thank you for the words its sad that a complete stranger is more empathetic and shows more of a concern than m own gf..

 

1. shes gone

2. everything i have of value is on ebay

3. move to a new life take a chance and start over..

 

 

ive been wanting to move for awhile now.. and get out there and find a new home..