A letter to the man I broke up with last night

[Snowgrrl83]

I broke up with a man last night. Our relationship lasted 9 months. I hope I'm strong enough to promise myself not to go back with him. I need to remember how much it hurts when he constantly criticizes me.

 

Dear bf,

 

So I actually made it to work today. I don't know whether I'll be able to make it all the way though. I'm really tired and I've been throwing up this morning..

 

It sucks that it has to be this way. I really like you but I don't think that you're reciprocating. I really don't get it, its almost like you're criticizing me on purpose. You hurt my self esteem a lot. From August to October, you would pretty much ignore me or be a jerk unless you wanted sex. I thought that you would change - I guess not. You now show affection, but you criticize me on every single occasion you get. You're not very patient with me at all. I feel like I can't do anything right when I'm with you. I feel like a burden, when I'm not. You watch my every move, over my shoulder, criticizing things that shouldn't even matter. Being micro-managed is the worst thing. I think you need to learn something - when you care for someone, you should be able to disregard some of their faults. Its funny how on Saturday night you mentionned how terribly you felt when your ex didn't want you sexually. I guess you didn't learn from your past experiences.

 

Last night was like the drop that made the glass overflow. I just can't take it anymore.

 

It really hurts you know. You only say that you like me when I'm crying or if I'm asking for it. Please don't lead me on of you don't care about me. I'd rather you be with me because you want to be, rather you feel that you're with me because you're obligated to be with me.

 

 

Maybe all I really am is just a rebound. You seem to be still attached to your ex. I hate to think this way, but you broke up with her about 9 months ago and you still regularly talk to her. I don't know whether you want to get back with her, but I'm sure it runs through your mind. Its weird, you know? How we inevitably find ourselves wanting to run back to something we used to love, for some reason thinking it would work out differently the second time around. Did you ever meet up with her 2 weeks? I don't know why, but I still think that you were lying to me 2 weeks ago. You know, its really hard to go out with you, when deep down, I think that you're still in love with someone else. Call me jealous, but it drives me crazy to see how poorly she treated you and that somehow you still "jump" and ask "how high" when she says "jump".

 

Anyway,

 

I know you're going snowboarding today, I hope you dressed well - its supposed to be cold.

 

Sorry I have trouble talking sometimes - its easier to write rather than sob and try to get a few sentences out.

 

MF

[Case_1983]

Hey There

 

Hope you are feeling ok.

Did he reply? or are you not going to send it?

[Snowgrrl83]

I sent it over an hour ago - still no reply

[HeartGoesOn]

After reading your other threads, it sounds like this relationship has been in trouble for a while now. Both of you were still in another relationship when you first met, and neither one of you had time to grieve the prior relationship ending, before jumping into this one. I think that maybe you both moved too fast, and this is the result of that.

[DN]

What did you hope to accomplish by sending this?

[Snowgrrl83]

Heart Goes On - I agree, I shouldn't have pursued this from the beginning.

 

Too late now. I want him to say sorry and say that he won't do it again and I really hope he begs for my foregiveness. I want this so badly, and I'm afraid that I'm going to go back to him if he does.

 

I know that if I go back, he will just hurt me again.

 

I just cant win in this situation. I guess its what happens when you love someone that doesnt love you back.

[Snowgrrl83]

DN - to be honest. I really dont know. I guess I just want him to know how I feel and why I feel this way, why I'm breaking up with him in more than a few sobbing sentences that he can barely understand.

[DN]

Are you sure it is not because you are hoping that he will say he will change if you get back with him?

[Snowgrrl83]

Dn..you're probably right Like I said, theres just no winning in this situation

 

Its weird, you know? How we inevitably find ourselves wanting to run back to something we used to love, for some reason thinking it would work out differently the second time around.