Need help (or a miracle) talking to a girl

[Stinkweed]

First of all, you can see my other posts for background information about my problems. Well, my problem is that there is a girl I like, but can't talk to. I don't know if she hates me (for more informations see my other post "Does she Hate Me?"), but I am willing to find out. The problem is that eveytime I see her, words just don't come out of my mouth. This happens only when I see this girl. In fact, most of the friends I have made since I moved her are girls. But it's just this girl that makes me "freeze". I don't know what to do. I have no confidence. What I feel is not completely fear of rejection, because I would actually feel better if she rejected me than how I feel right now. Right now I am rejected as a default because I haven't talked to her. Not being able to talk to her produces such anguish in me. It burns my soul. I was so determined to talk to her today, but still did what I always do, just pass by her. First of all, I would like to know what is it that really makes me so stupid (not being able to talk to her makes me feel stupid). And second, I would like to know what I should do so this doesn't happen again. I want to actually talk to her tomorrow, but I just know I will chicken out again, like always. All I would like to do is tell her how I feel about her, and apologize for staring at her (see my other post for more information on that one). Well, that's about it. Please help, and don't just read this, please post.

[bzborow1]

All I would like to do is tell her how I feel about her, and apologize for staring at her (see my other post for more information on that one). Well, that's about it.

 

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Just act like nothing has happened because in all likelihood you are just inventing this in your head. You mentioned something about confidence and that quote, if you told her that, would indicate to her that you have none. That's basically telling her, "i'm below you...but if you plz, plz gimme a chance".

 

I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I do want you to not saying anything like that. For example, if you were to just walk up to her...say "hi"...talk to her for a minute or so...then ask for her e-mail//number she would KNOW why you are asking. But don't tell her!! Women all say they love the sincerity in being upfront...but that's BS.

 

The best advice I could give you is to treat her EXACTLY the same way you would treat another female friend...joke w/her, tease her in funny ways, be difficult, etc....if you come out like you were saying you wanted to it just comes accross as too serious, and it really shouldn't be.

[Stinkweed]

Yeah, but the problem is that I don't have much time to do that. Summer is almost here, and I doubt I'll be back to this same school next year. Besides, everyone else I have received advice from has told me that I should tell her the truth, which is what I said I would say before. My real problem is that I freeze and words don't come out when I see her, no matter how hard I try. She is in none of my classes this year, so I only see her occasionally in the hallways. Most of the time she is with her friends. About what you said "Just act like nothing has happened because in all likelihood you are just inventing this in your head. You mentioned something about confidence and that quote, if you told her that, would indicate to her that you have none. That's basically telling her, "i'm below you...but if you plz, plz gimme a chance", honestly I do feel I am below her. I mean, I am not handsome, and all I could have to offer her she wouldn't be able to see until she gets to know me. But she is a goddess. She is the most beautiful girl I have seen. She is also kind toward others and seems to be very friendly. But she has seen nothing of me (which is a problem). So, I don't think I need so much help on what to say as I do on how to approach her.

[bzborow1]

honestly I do feel I am below her. I mean, I am not handsome, and all I could have to offer her she wouldn't be able to see until she gets to know me.

 

Honestly I think you need to overcome this lack of self confidence.

[Stinkweed]

It's just that doing that is easier said than done. Besides, I would like to talk to her ASAP (tomorrow unless I chicken out again). Time is running, and my goal was to do it today. I feel so bad and helpless. I don't mind feeling nervous, but I would like to actually talk. The words just don't come out of my mouth. I know it's sort of pathetic to be very nervous, but not even being able to talk is a lot worse.

[Shinobie]

dont worry dude man im so bad i cant even look at a girl and smile because my confidence is so low i just think im too bad looking to so many girls.As for me i think i gotta start trying to talk to this girl i like before the end of the year because time is running out for me when i look at that girl i totally get nervous and stuff im even nervous thinking about her right now.For some reason when u like a girl u just think they r so beautiful cause i think this one is definitely although some might not.

[Stinkweed]

Well, exactly the same happens to me. I find it hard to smile and say hi (I said before it would be easy, but I guess it really is hard). I feel stupid, because I think I won't see her again until next week, and my goal was to do it yesterday. I feel like crap. The problem is that, like many people would say about others, I think she is "out of my league". I have no confidence. I wish I knew at least where she hangs out, so I could go there and try to talk to her. I wish I saw her more often (alone).

[NightLily]

Well, I have recently been put through a situation that sounds a lot like yours. I am hoping you are not the guy that put me through that because he seriously makes me feel unsafe. I'm also hoping your situation is not quite as severe.

 

Anyways, I think the only way that I can possibly be of any help to you is by telling you how things turned out. He started to get very forceful in his need to talk to me--I will be moving accross the country come July. I kept making excuses to not talk to him and even had to tell him things like "No, I am not going in the obscure basement alone with you." Lol. So basically, if she does avoid you when you try to talk to her, don't be too forceful about it. I finally let him talk to me, but only over the internet (because like I said, he isn't safe). He seemed to have these strong feelings for me.. and yet we have never really talked before If this is the way things are with you two, I wouldn't be so.. pushy about how you feel. It ended in me getting even more creeped out and telling him that I never want to talk to him again. ..

 

So.. I guess the moral of the story is that you should go with the flow and remember to not get your hopes up too much. The more you worry about it, the more it will show and maybe make her uncomfortable. Also, from the sounds of it, you don't really know how that well, so once you get to actually know her, you may not like her very much at all? Anyways, good luck.. and sorry if this post sounds a bit nippy I'm still paranoid he is you. (just kidding)

[igwmuchas]

Dead eyes ive been reading your posts and i might be able to help u a little,

fisrt off i agree with suzyQ about not freeking her out or doing nething stalkish cuz that will ruin things, As for talking to her i think starting off with light conversation would b the best way to go, not telling her how u feel right away, before you go and talk to her u said u get nervous, well ask yourself a couple questions, whats the worst that could happen? she tells you off and u never talk to her again?(do u really think she would be the type of person to do that, that would be pretty low) and if u think she would is that really the type of person u want to be around? and then ask yourself the best that could happen (dont get carried away things arnt gunna happen right off the first day) you have a good conversation (even just a hey whats up whats ur next class, *history*, o lol have fun) something to give u a reason to talk to her later online. I ask myself that all the time, whats the worst that could happen because chances of that happening are pretty low, no one is that mean. I hope this was a little help to u, if it made ne sense at all. what are you most nervous about before you talk to her? peace out.........muchas

[Stinkweed]

You are right. Well, I was planning on first asking her for her email and phone number, and then, after we get to know each other a little better, I would tell her how I feel about her. I am not stalkish. The thing is, sometimes she doesn't seem to mind that I am around, and if she notices me, she just looks at me once. But sometimes, though, she gets this very serious expression in her face. As if I was a menace. The truth, though, is that I am more "scared" of her than she is of me (I think). Well, I would never do anything to hurt anyone, especially if it's a girl. I have a friend, who I think, knows her. And if I was a menace, wouldn't she know it by now? It's just kind of weird. I need to set these things straight before it's too late. I mean, I can't read her mind. If I notice I make her too uncomfortable, then I will just back off, I guess. Well, about the small conversations, I think it wouldn't really be convenient. I haven't talked to her throughout the whole year, and suddenly I come up and just say "Hi, what's your next class?". It would sound and feel kind of weird. I don't even know if I want to do this anymore. Last week it was my mission. This week, my mission is simple: Do not go insane.

[igwmuchas]

I understand what your saying, well ether u do still want to do it or not, my feeling after all your posts i think you should, she isnt scared of you so thats good, and again what would make her scared of u? u said yourself u would never do nething to try and make her uncomftorable so you know whats right and wrong. the thing about the next class was just an example. u said sometimes she looks at u and smiles just try ur hardest to smile back or say hey, i always tell myself whats the worst that could happen? and i doubt she thinks your a menace, what have you done wrong? i think your just thinking thats what she thinks, if someone looked at you would u consider them a menace, hardly (i hope u wouldnt) people arnt that mean, and i dont think she is that type of person. how are you planning on getting to know her a little better? peaceout........muchas

[Freak of nature]

Maybe you should talk to her to find out if she really is scared of you. I mean, you could see how she reacts.

[Stinkweed]

Well, today I saw her, and I just couldn't talk to her. It wasn't my day anyway. I don't know if she noticed me. But Tuesday, I felt so ready to do it. I was 100% sure I was going to do it. But I didn't see her. Maybe this weekend is just what I need to regain some confidence and pull myself together. I don't know if she is scared of me. Because sometimes she acts as if I was a menace. But sometimes, she doesn't care I am around. I have finally decided I will talk to her. I just need to set things straight. Because I don't want, in the near future, to look back and ask myself about what could have been.

[igwmuchas]

thats awsome that is the perfect attitude goin into it, but again and again y would she be bothered by you. she has no reason to be, ur just thinkin that, so if you do find yourself thinking then when u talk to her push it out of ur mind, she has no reason to think your "a menace" you havnt done nething to bother her. dont worry about it, when u decide u want to do it just go for it nothing bad is gunna happen there is no reason for ne thing bad to happen, just be yourself. Nice attitude about the whole thing, im rooting for ya. i really think your gunna do this. Go for it peaceout.....muchas

[Stinkweed]

Thanks. Well, tonight I am on a high. I hope it last all weekend long, as well as monday. You are right. I haven't even hurt a fly. I have not even been a bad kid since I moved to this school. I hope I feel like I felt on Tuesday again. But this time, I hope she is there too. There is also no reason she should dislike me. I mean, I may not be physically attractive, but if she is who I think she is, she won't care at all.

[igwmuchas]

awsome, ur gunna have no problem at all doing this peaceout.......muchas

[Stinkweed]

Hi Muchas,

Ok, I am not doing well today. Today I had to get a ride to school because I missed the bus. When I got off the car I saw the girl. She also got a ride, off course. So, she was carrying some boxes, and I held the door into the school open for her. I feel like I should have helped her carry the boxes, though. But she would just have refused anyway (I think). She just said thank you and looked straight ahead without even moving her head (does that mean she didn't want me to help?), and I couldn't even say You're welcome. Then, when I went to that place I see her alone before the first class, I got there too late. She was with her friends already. I just think it sucks because I will not see her alone until like Wednesday. Even then I just know I won't do this. I'm too stupid, and maybe everyone who has posted advice for me has overestimated me. Damn it, I just don't know if I should try to do this anymore. It's not like it will get any of us anywhere. I would like to try, but I can't control this. Maybe it would get us to somewhere, but I just can't. I still want so badly to get to know her, but I know I never will. I guess I will have to live with never having made the effort to get to know her. Because that's the way it is. Weeks have come, and weeks have gone, and still I am not even close to trying. I wish there were those devices, like in Men In Black, that erase the people's memory, because I know I will need one for sure. Thanks everyone for your help. Also, I need to add that I noticed in one of your old posts that you wrote I said she smiled at me. Well, if I really said that, then I lied. Sorry, but she has never smiled at me. Please help if there is still hope.

[Stinkweed]

Come on. Please give me some quick advice. I'll probably see her tomorrow and don't even know if I should do this anymore. I would like to, but if it's against anything, then forget it.

[eviljedi]

You should do it, even if it dosn't work out at least it will be some experiance for you, sounds like your just looking for ressons not to do it now, force yourself to do it!

[Stinkweed]

Dude, thank you. Your statement has encouraged me. Not just because of what it says, because it shows me that at least you still have faith in me. Thanks. Best wishes.

[igwmuchas]

so sry i couldnt get on the internet (had some problems), the 1st post of pg 5-what happened?! you need to cut down on the negative"ness" after all youve been through I think you should do this b/c what eviljedi said. Even if things dont go perfect it will still be better than if you never say anything to her and look back on it later and really regret it. My dad always got me to do something that i was "iffy" about doing by telling me "you'll be glad you did it" And it seems perfect for what your going through, even if things dont happen the way you want them to one- like eviljedi said it will be a good experience, and two- you'll be glad you did it. I dont think that her not smiling at you or not looking at you means anything, sometimes (i do this) its just an excuse we make to give more reason for us to "give up", but if you think about it, it doesnt mean anything (the not looking at you). Think about the positive side, she said thank you. This leads me to my original question, how come you didnt say yourwelcome?? what is making you freeze up. you need to make yourself say something, again, whats the worst that could happen? You just need to overcome that adrenaline and say something during that moment where you freeze up. MAKE yourself do it. (sry if any of my post sounded a bit harsh, i just want you do this b/c i really think you should)(hope my post made sense) sry about the delay peaceout..........muchas

[Stinkweed]

You post makes perfect sense. But sometimes I'm just not in the mood to try. Today I woke up on a down, so I didn't even try. Well, I will have to just forget about it, because I know I probably will not see her again anymore. I mean, if circumstances weren't against me, I surely would. It's not that I am looking for excuses for not doing it, it's because I just can't. Man, I want to, but I feel so frustrated. There is no "good" occasion for me. All is just too hectic for me to be able to bear. I will still try my best. Thanks

[igwmuchas]

I had the problem of always waiing for the "perfect time" but then i would always end up waiting to long, because there is hardly ever a perfect time. you want this so force yourself to do it. the next time you see her alone- thats when you should. Peacout..........muchas

[Spruitt123]

U should just sya hi everyonce in a while, if she says hi ur not a freak. Then start to sart conversations. just go smooth. Good Luck!!!!

[Stinkweed]

Thanks for your advice. I'll post should anything come up.