No conflict, no story. No story, no ending.

[waveseer]

Well you got what you wanted

An end to our story

And I got what I wanted

An end to our conflict

 

I never dreamed in the beginning

That you would be the one I wanted

You never dreamed in the end

I would be the one to leave

 

In between we stayed hidden

Not turning up our cards

You didn't want the guilt

And I didn't want the pain

 

Now that it's all over

Now that it's all been said

We've done exactly what we feared

And left the table empty handed

 

So our story has ended

And we can go on with our lives

Letting go of the guilt and pain

Taking only the good parts

 

I learned to be accepting

That things might not work out

You learned to be more careful

With someone you care about

 

Goodbye, my handsome lover

I'll always remember you

For being with me all those nights

For all the smiles and happiness

 

I wish only good things

As you travel through your life

There is another story for us

But separately this time

[90_hour_sleep]

are you feeling nostalgic tonight wavey?

 

have to say...for a minute there i felt like you were speaking to me!

 

there's a part of me that hopes she's as gracious as you are...that she understands as you do. kind of a warm feeling.

 

 

[waveseer]

90, I am very nostalgic lately. I miss so many things about my ex. He is a good person and he was very kind to me for a long time. It's hard to let him go completely, not the same kind of heartache but a missing of him, not any relationship, just who he is. I really hope he finds happiness within himself and in life, whatever that entails.

 

I am speaking to you! I am speaking to anyone who can/will listen for two reasons:

 

1. To help them through the process.

2. Because I heal through interacting with others.

 

Left to my own devices I seem to wander into rooms filled with ghost feelings that I thought were long dead and departed.

 

I keep cycling through anger, grief, acceptance, denial, and that other one. This is the hardest time of day for me, I need a friend.

 

I figured out a long time ago that my ex and I were together when we needed to be and apart when we needed to be. That is how it works, so being gracious costs me nothing.

[90_hour_sleep]

90, I am very nostalgic lately. I miss so many things about my ex. He is a good person and he was very kind to me for a long time. It's hard to let him go completely, not the same kind of heartache but a missing of him, not any relationship, just who he is. I really hope he finds happiness within himself and in life, whatever that entails.

 

i find so much truth in all of that. i have a feeling...that i know the feeling you're experiencing right now. at least...it seems possible that it's something similar. you're just kind of resonating. i especially appreciate the idea of not missing a ''relationship'' with him. it's the person. it's not what that person represented...or any kind of possessive association. just...the person. that's what i miss too. i certainly don't miss the relationship.

 

I am speaking to you! I am speaking to anyone who can/will listen for two reasons:

 

1. To help them through the process.

2. Because I heal through interacting with others.

 

 

 

Left to my own devices I seem to wander into rooms filled with ghost feelings that I thought were long dead and departed.

 

I keep cycling through anger, grief, acceptance, denial, and that other one. This is the hardest time of day for me, I need a friend.

I figured out a long time ago that my ex and I were together when we needed to be and apart when we needed to be. That is how it works, so being gracious costs me nothing.

 

the ghosts. just thoughts? or something more? little bits and pieces that weren't fully acknowledged? or maybe something deeper? maybe they really are just ghosts...substance...but substance that's ungraspable.

 

that other one...what does that feel like? we're kind of coming from opposite ends of the field here...so maybe it's different for me. that other one never fails to amaze me. perhaps because i was always a stranger to it in the past.

 

i feel some sadness for you...but i know it's just another step on your path...and it's happening to you because it needs to happen. i'm sending a gigantic hug your way...a real one...with substance. maybe you can feel it! here's hoping.

 

 

[waveseer]

90, yes I can feel your hug and it does help tremendously, thank you.

 

I can accept when my path and another person's are no longer side by side nor intersecting, but I still know them and it never really goes away.

 

Sometimes thinking of him makes me happy and sometimes it makes me sad. Not thinking of him at all hasn't happened. Even when I undertake activities which require ALL of my attention they only last a few hours. I want to go through whatever it takes to find permanent and lasting peace. I am simply having another "magic moment".

 

That other feeling was the fifth in the grieving process but I can't remember what it is, maybe that's the one I'm circling, lol.

[90_hour_sleep]

90, yes I can feel your hug and it does help tremendously, thank you.

 

I can accept when my path and another person's are no longer side by side nor intersecting, but I still know them and it never really goes away.

 

Sometimes thinking of him makes me happy and sometimes it makes me sad. Not thinking of him at all hasn't happened. Even when I undertake activities which require ALL of my attention they only last a few hours. I want to go through whatever it takes to find permanent and lasting peace. I am simply having another "magic moment".

 

That other feeling was the fifth in the grieving process but I can't remember what it is, maybe that's the one I'm circling, lol.

 

okay...well i misunderstood on the other feeling...i filled in my own blank. whatever works i guess.

 

i haven't had a day where i didn't think about her. i can almost imagine having a thought float through every day for the rest of my life. at this point...it doesn't seem unlikely. and it doesn't bother me. there's one image i will never let go of. she may be a ghost...but i can reach out and touch her.

 

strange things happen though. i had contact with a long long ago ex...and it's turned out to be great for both of us. we missed out on really being friends when we were together. we've learned a lot about each other...even so many years later. always interesting to consider the potential for a different kind of reconciliation. i'd rather have a friend at this point anyway. it feels more real.

 

 

 

happy circling!

[whes]

Sometimes thinking of him makes me happy and sometimes it makes me sad. Not thinking of him at all hasn't happened. Even when I undertake activities which require ALL of my attention they only last a few hours. I want to go through whatever it takes to find permanent and lasting peace. I am simply having another "magic moment".

 

i haven't had a day where i didn't think about her. i can almost imagine having a thought float through every day for the rest of my life. at this point...it doesn't seem unlikely. and it doesn't bother me. there's one image i will never let go of. she may be a ghost...but i can reach out and touch her.

 

I've gotten to the point where thoughts about my ex are expected and normal. It's been almost two years since we were actually together, yet the memories are still so vivid and immediate. 90, I'm the same way in that it doesn't really bother me at all. It used to. And I used to worry that I'd always have this love floating around making me miserable, but it doesn't make me sad anymore. I've kind of gotten used to him (or his ghost) always being there.

 

Maybe I'll wake up one day to find him gone, but for now I'll just enjoy his memory.

[whes]

I figured out a long time ago that my ex and I were together when we needed to be and apart when we needed to be. That is how it works, so being gracious costs me nothing.

 

I re-read this and I had a relationship that was exactly that, as well. It was never really defined, but we were together. We were both rebounds, but provided the other with the most intimate and comforting of company. It was exactly what we needed at the time, no more, no less. Simple and kind of beautiful, actually. And when we were healed, we moved on. No drama.

[90_hour_sleep]

I re-read this and I had a relationship that was exactly that, as well. It was never really defined, but we were together. We were both rebounds, but provided the other with the most intimate and comforting of company. It was exactly what we needed at the time, no more, no less. Simple and kind of beautiful, actually. And when we were healed, we moved on. No drama.

 

what an awesome perspective. maybe i'm reading into my last relationship a little too much...but i can see a subtle resemblence to the pattern you're referring to.

 

whes, i'm wondering...did you know at the time what the context of your relationship was? was it acknowledged...if not to the other...to yourself? did you know on some level that you were both filling a transitory need in the other? i'm sure the experience was still painful...but at least it wasn't distorted with the 'drama' as you call it.

 

life seems to work this way in general. whatever you need...it will be there when you're ready to let it in. and if you're not ready to let it in...there'll be something else there to help you get there.

 

 

[whes]

 

whes, i'm wondering...did you know at the time what the context of your relationship was? was it acknowledged...if not to the other...to yourself? did you know on some level that you were both filling a transitory need in the other? i'm sure the experience was still painful...but at least it wasn't distorted with the 'drama' as you call it.

 

Neither of us ever really said anything about it, but both of us had been dumped by long-term partners only a few weeks before and were not ready for anything so soon. But there was this quiet sort of comfort that existed between us, and a pull. Sometimes he'd say something about his ex or me about mine and we'd just sit there holding hands or each other. It wouldn't have worked if it had been anyone else.