Help me I'm going to explode... or run away... or something!

[i am eleanor rigby]

What do i do... i hate my mother she gives me no freedom i'm really a good kid i'd never drink or do drugs or anything but my mom is convinced i'm doing pot or worse, i just dont get it... shes always on my case but im completely innocent. I think she doesnt trust me cause i got a C in science on my last report card, which is really unlike me, but it was because i went into major depression cause my dad (who i love more than anyone in the world) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer (basically a death sentence... 5 years max).... The only thing that brings me happiness anymore is my school... I go to an alternative school centered around the creative arts and its so much fun, but mom says "its a half-assed education" when its really a better way of learning... expeditionary learning, we learn by experience, and relate most of what we learn to current events. Mom is probably going to switch me back to my town high school, which is terribly boring and traditional and structured with only a tiny bit of emphasis on creative arts... and i HATE THAT... i think i would die.

I feel like I don't love anyone at all anymore... my mom is so terrible, and my dad..... if i love him again, i'll feel the pain again... and i cant live through that another time. my sister is just a bitch.... and dont get me started on my stepparents.......... There's no one who i feel that child-like, comfortable un-conditional love towards. Meantime, i am going insane with my mom breathing down my neck and yelling at me every other second and insulting me, my dad dying, and time running out at the school of my dreams...

 

They all expect me to go to harvard or something but i dont want to live in the corporate world... i want to be a musician.... so badly. I would be a drama teacher, or something, you know to pay the bills... that would make me happy, i dont even care about lots of money. I just want to live a happy life, and i have always walked to the beat of my own drum. i just dont fit into the system, but my parents say thats the only way. IVE GOTTA GET OUT!

 

HELP MEEEEEEE!!! what do i do? i cant run away, i have nowhere to go... i'm suffocating... i feel like i'm dying.

 

god i hate my mother so much. So much that all the unconditional love is GONE. just gone. She pushes me to the point of insanity...i am inches away from just flipping out and ***ing myself up and dying, but dying stoned drunk and happy. I'm scaring myself...

 

 

Yes I'm tied to the whippin post, tied to the whippin post, tied to the whippin post, oh lord i feel like i'm dyin... --the allman brothers "Whippin Post"

 

There must be some kind of way outa here, said the joker to the thief, there's too much confusion, can't get no relief --Jimi Hendrix "All Along the Watchtower"

 

[Gilgamesh]

You really do have a problem here, your obviously the creative, arts, type person and not the Science analytical person. emotions not logic predominate your decisions, you want to expand and express, thats all well and good.

 

You just not getting to your mother, its not that she hates you, but shes just not being very sensitive to what YOUR needs are. The only thing i can think of is to find a counseling at school, they will understand, and will try and communicate with your mother, you need someone on your side to help you get it accross to your mother what kind of person you are.

 

What your going through is very common, especially with dads and there sons, you may have this Sports loving dad that just wants to live through there sons, and there sons are not interested in becoming quarter backs, they may want to become a writer, or Actor etc. you are not alone in this.

 

Find help from your school, or other organization, its not the end of the world, you will get through this!

 

Now, there is something I wanted to really advise you, Your father is only going to be on this earth for a little while more, he's going to need your love and support, dont be selfish distancing yourself from your father in his time of need, you think your going to save yourself pain at the time he goes away, but you will feel guilty and have regrets the rest of your life!.

be there for him! make the little time he has left special, and when hes gone, youll know that you did your best, and wont have any regrets.

 

Dont run away from your problems, confront them head on, dont run from your mother, dont run from your father, dont run from your life.

Get counselling for the school/mother problem, Give love and support to your father, he needs you now, and look forward towards life, your going through a rough time now, but this time will pass. what you do with it will make all the difference in the world.

[spartacus]

First let me say I am by no strech of the imagination a professional at giving advise.I do feel for you and the major drama that you have been through.I am very sorry to hear about your Dad.I have not ever had a relationship with my dad due to a early divorce with my mother and for that I feel less than whole.I am a father now and know from the love of my oldest daughter how much a Dad can influence a daughters life.I feel like your mother (although she probably just wants the best for you )is doing more harm than good by pushing you so hard.It sounds like you are makeing the grades and staying out of trouble and mom may be punishing you to make up for mistakes she made growing up.hate is a strong word and I feel like you hate the way your mom is pushing you not the fact that you hate her.You also said that if you started loving you dad again you couldnt handel it again.if you think handleing your dads sickness was hard, try handling the fact that you didnt show your dad all the love before he goes.thats what would be hard.I know I have not been a welth of info but,God only gives us what he is sure we can handle so be all you can be for your dad while he is with you,be true to youself and try to give mom another chance.Sit her down and talk to her like an adult and she will see the errors of her ways.I wish you all the luck in the world.

 

A friend

Dave