If you were me...

[imsuperman]

(I don't need to be told that there are a lot of these threads and that everyone is tired of them. Thanks.)

 

What would you do? My situation is that I'm 23 and living at home. I have a part time job and a two-year college degree. I really want to move out because I think women would be more interested in me if I lived in an apartment or whatever. The job I have only pays 7.60 an hour and I get around 28 hours a week. Many people are urging me to go back to school and get my Bachelor's, but that doesn't solve me wanting to move out.

 

What do you think the best course of action is for me?

 

Note: This thread spawned from the one in the Attraction forum as well as my own conversation with a girl I just met who works where I work. I just met her Saturday and she asked me a ton of personal questions for some reason (did I have a gf, my age, where I was living, what did I do for fun blah blah blah, and, even though I don't think I made it too obvious, I felt kind of ashamed to say I was living at home. Right after that she "boyfriend dropped" me. "My boyfriend likes video games..." or something. (I told her I didn't play many video games)

 

It's all very disheartening to me. Am I that bad? My mother hasn't worked since 1988 and my dad is the only breadwinnner for the family. I didn't have the grades (especially math) to go to a four-year college and all my two-year college money came out of my own pocket. I feel kind of ashamed that I didn't have a rich mommy and daddy to put me through a four-year college so I could live on campus or whatever. I mean we live in an upper-middle class suburb, but my parents can't really afford much.

 

I also have a younger sister (21) who is moved out into an apartment with her fiance. My family doesn't like her fiance and my mother hates the fact that their living together unwed.

 

I'm at the crossroads of life, it seems.

[jengh]

Don't feel ashamed. You're doing the best you can for now. Honestly, having a 4yr degree wouldn't guarantee you a job today either. Yesterday, actually, my boyfriend was telling me that, because of the economy, people losing jobs, etc. etc. that 25% of guys aged 25-29 and 10% of guys 30-39 are living at home with their parents. It's starting to become more accepted I think as more and more people are losing their jobs/unable to get one paying more than minimum wage.

 

I know it probably isn't possible, but I'll ask anyway. Is there any way to get more hours? Can you get a second job? What are your career goals? I understand how disheartening it can get. I've been struggling to finish my BA for ages now. Seeing everyone my age in grad school. Bleh. Knowing I would be living at home if my school wasn't 4 hours away.

[pinkelephant]

I would never move out for that reason! I'm 21 and recently just moved home to save. I don't understand why it's so important for north americans to move out early and why the assumptions that moving out early means your more capable, mature and whatever. My dad is rich and if I wanted, I could get him to pay for my apartment each month, but where's the capability or mature in that? Why do you want to bother, let alone impress, shallow people?

 

You're 23. In my mind, you're still a baby. Why don't you have the grades for 4 years college? Can you apply now as a mature student? I know they're not as strict with grades as much when you're a mature student. If you move out, you're locking yourself up in terms of finances. I'm at home right now to save for a car. Do you have a car? It's financially stupid to move out. THAT - in my opinion, makes someone unsuitable for a relationship... but again, I'm not superficial and don't care for those who are.

 

Who are you trying to date?

[mademoisele]

I don't think it's about moving out as much as it is about money. Don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't look at dating a guy who is making 7.60 an hour unless you were a college student, medical student, PhD student or whatever.

[imsuperman]

I got my 2 yr degree in June 09. I'm thinking of going back to school. But I need money coming in to pay for my car, gas, and car insurance. That all comes out of my pocket. My car payment is very low monthly and it will be paid off by this coming summer.

 

Pink: I'm trying to date attractive girls from 21 -25 or so.

[onewithbooks]

I know that this isnt the greatest answer, and I assume you have been, but what about a full time gig? What did you study in school?

 

I know how hard it is to live at home. I moved out and moved back to go to school and then graduated in a recession like you, and I am older than you are. Its a tough way to go to live at home, but a lot of people have to do it right now.

 

If I were you, I would focus on finding a different job, one that made you some more money so that can afford to move out, or at the least save to go back to school.

 

I say that though not in the spirit of being an aid to finding a woman, but an aid in finding you. Right now you have a lot of potential and many paths you can choose. This is the time when you should choose you. If in the meantime a cute girl should show an interest great, but really your focus should be on you.

[imsuperman]

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that I've applied to numerous full-time jobs in my field (Technical Communication) and I've not gotten an interview or even a call back as of yet. That's why it's looking like I'm going to have to go back to school and get my four yr degree, (taking out a loan yaaaaaaaaaaaay) which means I'll still have to live at home.

[jengh]

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that I've applied to numerous full-time jobs in my field (Technical Communication) and I've not gotten an interview or even a call back as of yet. That's why it's looking like I'm going to have to go back to school and get my four yr degree, (taking out a loan yaaaaaaaaaaaay) which means I'll still have to live at home.

 

To be honest... I think most girls who would shun you for living at home while just working would be much likelier to cut you some slack if you were in school still. Although, I'm not sure what that says about their character. I wouldn't personally want to date someone like that.

 

That being said... I agree with OWB. I think you should focus on YOU right now. You definitely still have a lot of potential and many paths open to you. School isn't for everyone, but it certainly won't hurt your resume.

[pinkelephant]

To be honest... I think most girls who would shun you for living at home while just working would be much likelier to cut you some slack if you were in school still. Although, I'm not sure what that says about their character. I wouldn't personally want to date someone like that.

 

That being said... I agree with OWB. I think you should focus on YOU right now. You definitely still have a lot of potential and many paths open to you. School isn't for everyone, but it certainly won't hurt your resume.

 

I agree. But OP, when I asked, I meant what kind of girls. What values do these girls have. etc. . .

[imsuperman]

To be honest... I think most girls who would shun you for living at home while just working would be much likelier to cut you some slack if you were in school still. Although, I'm not sure what that says about their character. I wouldn't personally want to date someone like that.

 

That being said... I agree with OWB. I think you should focus on YOU right now. You definitely still have a lot of potential and many paths open to you. School isn't for everyone, but it certainly won't hurt your resume.

 

That's how I feel too. If I'm still in school and have a PT job it seems like I'll get a little more slack. I think a lot of it stems from my loneliness lately. I only have two real friends, the closets of which is my cousin who's a year younger, but he's working two PT jobs and going to school. My other good friend is 25 and lives at home, but he's an accountant with a BS and he's making 50k a year, so he's saving up for a condo or house. He recently got a girlfriend for the first time in the eight years I've known him. Now I don't see either of them much any more. I don't really have any other friends. My old hs buddies all drink and that type of thing, and I only see them once or twice a year now. (I've never tried an alcoholic drink and never done an illegal drug) I wouldn't care if a girl I dated drank sometimes, providing it wasn't the focal point of her life.

 

I feel like women don't understand me and don't know what to do with me due to all of this.

 

I know my identity, but it seems I'm the only one.

 

Pink: I'm looking for level-headed women who are athletic and can accept the fact that I don't party. If that doesn't answer you question, try to be more specific and I'll take another crack at it.

[onewithbooks]

Its good to hear you know you identity, that is crucial.

 

As far as cutting someone slack about going to school and living at home, I would. Part time job and at home, eh, I would want to know the circumstances, mostly to reassure me that you had some ambition and a man with a viable life plan.

 

For me its not about money, its more about self development. I would want someone who was growing in their career the way I want to grow in mine - if that makes any sense.

[veneratio]

Hey superman. I would just focus on myself for now. If you know that you're going to want a bachelors later on, or if you feel that's best, I would just get it over with asap. You may have to take out a loan, but at least it wont be on top of rent/mortgage, electric, etc.

 

And yeah, women will be more lenient if you're going to school while living at home, but there are always those who will nitpick. But who wants to date them anyway?

[imsuperman]

What does everyone thing of the social life/companionship problem I mentioned at the end of page 1?

[imsuperman]

Zombie thread!

 

I'm going to open a saving's account tomorrow to start putting some cash into every pay check.

 

Hopefully I'll have some money saved up over time to get out of here!