SapphireNoir10 Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 I find that no contact is the best thing I've ever done. When both of my serious relationships ended including the most recent, as soon as 'Its over' Is said I dont contact them again, includes no emails, no calls, no facebook, nothing. I erase everything that reminds me of them etc I find with No contact you can't get drawn into hurtful conversations and you dont have to sit around wondering if they will answer your call/reply to your text. The best part of NC is you dont have to worry about them anymore, they are no longer part of your life, and you dont have to contact them ever again. Its always the best thing for me because I retain my dignity, pride etc. No begging texts or calls. No giving him the satisfaction of knowing im hung up on him and care. Keep busy, do the things you always wanted to do, since my break up i've got a new job, started a new course and am learning to drive and Im so busy I rarely have time to cry. Although, some people, many do slip up on N/C but don't beat yourself up over it, we're human, we are hurting. And boy does it hurt, sorting through his things today was painful. I ended up sending a message to his mum saying I had some of his stuff but wasnt sure what I should do with it. So yeah, basically, stay strong and you'll be ok. I know I will be..eventually! Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 Good for you! I am glad that you are hanging in there and that NC is helping you to heal. since my break up i've got a new job, started a new course and am learning to drive and Im so busy I rarely have time to cry. Cool. Once you learn to drive you will really appreciate this: image removed Disclaimer: Of course I'm kidding. Don't run anyone over, but I wanted you to smile. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 6, 2009 Author Share Posted December 6, 2009 I love that, thank you that cheered me up. I just feel like sharing the fact its hard, and it sucks, and it hurts, but there are ways to make it easier. Link to comment
Nidania Posted December 6, 2009 Share Posted December 6, 2009 You got it Blue. Going NC was the absolute best thing for me to do with my latest break up too. It was the first time I had ever tried it, and boy was it hard at first, but it was so so worth it. I healed much faster than I ever had before, and it was like losing a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm so glad you are doing better Blue, and stay strong! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 22, 2009 Author Share Posted December 22, 2009 Im still doing ok! Still in N/C!! Link to comment
BriarRose Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 Is it still NC if they are not even contacting you? Or only if you are not responding to their attempts at contact? I feel kind of silly calling it "nc" when he isn't even contacting me. Link to comment
markie b Posted December 22, 2009 Share Posted December 22, 2009 i cant keep nc forever tho her step mum has begged me to do their garden and sort it out before they get back from their 6 month vacation to south africa.they get back in april and they have asked me if i can i have said yes but kind of regretting it now,they have been great through all of this and have compleatly taken my side and say im the best guy she has ever had and she is compleatly out of character and she will lose the best thing thats happened to her! soo i guess im going to have to break nc at some point but i will and am in a better place then before to deal with it!its been a week and a day and im feeling better altho the 2 and abit months barely seeing her must of made it easier lc on her part so guess she really did get the time and space she needed just feels bad now because of the way she treated me! Link to comment
Emily100 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I'm fighting NC everyday. I know his gf is out of town and I suspect he is struggling with not contacting me too. It's just hard. But I know it's fort he best in the long run. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 It is for the best. The thing that keeps me going is that he DOESNT want to hear from me. and thats enough. Link to comment
intolerable Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I agree with everything you just wrote. I have friends who are still in contact with their exes and even though they are supposedly over them, they get dragged into hurtful conversations with them. I suppose some exes are worth it, but with my ex, hell no. At Misskitty16: Yes, I believe it's still NC. A friend once told me that in this type of situation, when you don't know whether you should contact or not, it's better that you don't. You're doubting for a reason. Of course, that's entirely up to you to decide. NC will train you not to expect anything from your ex, which in the long run, is extremely beneficial. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 It is for the best. The thing that keeps me going is that he DOESNT want to hear from me. and thats enough. .. OMG, I feel the exact same way. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Good for you! I am glad that you are hanging in there and that NC is helping you to heal. Cool. Once you learn to drive you will really appreciate this: image removed Disclaimer: Of course I'm kidding. Don't run anyone over, but I wanted you to smile. Hey I recognise that lol!!! Anyway getting back to the OP, I agree that NC is the best and possibly the only way forward. I have tried several times to go NC but my ex always contacts me. It really hasn't helped me to move on but I can't keep using the fact that he contacts me as an excuse anymore. I need to make a stand or at least find the strength to ignore him. As things stand I am there for him at his beck and call yet what do I actually get from it? It hasn't brought him back to me and it hasn't done anything for my self-dignity. Time for a change, me thinks. Link to comment
shineyboot Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I agree I've deleted all his details websites etc. got rid of any reminders and it is so much better! I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I couldn't seem to delete his number off my phone before, it was as if I wasn't ready. If only I had done it straight away. The break up came out of the blue and I was more confused than I've ever been, he made a rubbish job of the dumping, basically I had to initiate it so I had so many questions I kept contacting him for 3 weeks. So nice to put all that behind me, I feel good. I just wish I hadn't made such a fool out of myself the first few weeks. I'm not thinking of the past, it's onwards and upwards. Thank you for sharing your good experience it is really inspiring to hear people moving on! Link to comment
alijay Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 NC is difficult to navigate. While you are in NC, you distress yourself with all sorts of imaginigs: if I could just explain that (fill in the blank) to him clearly, that would fix everything; if I just let him know how I feel, that would change everything; if we could just 'talk', it would all be ok, etc. So, you call. If it was an ok convo, you feel good for an hour or so after - you have a hope. It feels like you can have expectations again. The next day, though, it is twice as hard. You mos def take a step backwards. There's ALWAYS something you didn't ask, something you forgot to say, something you didn't get cleared up, always some point you want to make...... This is such a bad time of year for a break ups. Support from posters on ENA help...I have to be careful though, it seems like I am spending a lot of time on this site looking for "answers". The support feels good though! Balance is the key, I guess. Happy to say that I have gone back to the over-the-counter type of sleeping pills instead of the prescription pills. For the first week or so, I was definitely over medicating myself...just wanted to sleep to shut my mind off during the day AND night. Its been about 3 weeks now and, well, baby steps...had a couple of ex-dreams last night - that set me back...grrrrrr Right now am wondering/worrying if I will get an Xmas call....yesterday, not so much. Thank for letting me whine/vent ENAerz... Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted December 24, 2009 Author Share Posted December 24, 2009 We can get through this. I've started venturing into dating and am seeing someone. I just dont want to waste my tears and thoughts on someone who doesnt give a monkeys. Link to comment
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