I'm desperate for a relationship! how do I not feel so awfully lonely???

[coco_angel]

Wow Elsewhere! Reading your post reminded me of myself a couple years ago. I have been single for 4 years nows. Yes, I have had dates here and there but no man in my life longer than a second date until now.

 

The first two years were brutal but something snapped in me amd made me realize I can attract the type of men I want by my appearance, my attittude, and actions.

 

It was only when I became self aware that I realized that I am in control of my own destiny. So contrary to what many people advised, I chose to be single and not date for last two years and realized not only do I control who I attract but I control who I let into my life. I know all the other women will tell you its the men, its not you. But it could be you because you are in total control! REMEMBER: You control who can come into your life!

 

Also stop looking! Just stop! Men especially the players can smell desperation on you from a mile away!

 

Take some time to find out what you want to do: take a foreign language class, art class, join the gym, go get a new hairstyle, change your job, move to another city, travel, start volunteering. Do something that you want, that is out of your norm so that you can be around new people and meet a man who is genuinely interested in getting to know you.

 

Avoid the bars and clubs, you can't turn a party boy into a husband!

 

Also have some mystery about you. He doesn't have to know everything on the first date. Maybe avoid talking about work and instead your favorite band or first concert?, keep the conversation light.

 

Above all, this has got to end up on a billboard somewhere: STOP GIVING SEX TO YOUR BOYFRIENDS. I will repeat KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED.

 

If he really wants to be with you then he will wait and understand how important it is to have commitment before sharing sexual intimacy. Too many women give it up too soon and give it up for nothing. Some men will not commit and may leave if they can't have sex with you but that just means he did not to be with you!

 

If he is not right for you or he shows signs of disinterest just cut it! And do not just date any man out of desperation.

 

I hope these tips help you. In the end if you are not happy with yourself then you can't make someonelse happy. Those inner feelings will continue to haunt you.

 

Much Love. I hope that you can find some peace.

[Elsewhere]

Thanks so much Coco Angel! What you say makes a lot of sense and I'm going to stick to your rules. Relationship is not the only thing that can bring happiness and instead of longing for it I can as well focus on other things

 

I just have 1 question:

 

Above all, this has got to end up on a billboard somewhere: STOP GIVING SEX TO YOUR BOYFRIENDS. I will repeat KEEP YOUR LEGS CLOSED.

 

you mean until marriage??? I never have casual sex, only when I'm in a serious relationship.

[BriarRose]

Elsewhere, I feel exactly as you do, and am not sure what I keep doing wrong. They say we are giving off "vibes" of desperation, but I am not sure in what capacity. Unless someone is calling all the time, or demanding you be with them every day, etc, I guess I would need to know more of how we are sending these 'signals'.

[coco_angel]

Thanks so much Coco Angel! What you say makes a lot of sense and I'm going to stick to your rules. Relationship is not the only thing that can bring happiness and instead of longing for it I can as well focus on other things

 

I just have 1 question:

 

 

 

you mean until marriage??? I never have casual sex, only when I'm in a serious relationship.

 

What I mean is that you should not share sexual intimacy with a man too soon. It lets men know that you are easy. You know the old saying " why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."

 

This happens to alot of women even in serious relationships with their boyfriends. I know a handful of my girlfriends that are waiting now 4 and 5 years for a ring! (We are in are mid 20's..early 30's)

 

Yes, this could just be the men but how can a man be scared of commitment but be in a committed relationship for a long period of time and having sex with one person and not get married.

 

Some men get the idea that they do not have to marry a woman because he is getting everything he would have in a marriage without the commitment and can leave you with no stings attached.

 

You don't have to wait until marriage or an engagement. That is your decision. I would advise you to steer clear of the 4th date rule and have sex when he shows you that he wants to be commited to to you.

 

For me and my current boyfriend, we have decided to wait until marriage. We are both not virgins but we decided together to save that intimacy with each other until marriage.

 

I can say for the first time I am happy and secure and know that he loves me for who I am and respects me. Even if I wasn't with this man right now, I would still continue to not have sex with my boyfriends.

 

I am interested to hear what some other people think about the whole sex too soon or before marriage topic and how it affects relationships and commitment.

[BriarRose]

I am interested to hear what some other people think about the whole sex too soon or before marriage topic and how it affects relationships and commitment.

..

I do not feel it's relevant to the outcome of the relationship. In other words, I do not feel that just because you wait, your man will love you more. And I don't think that just because you do it "soon", that he will necessarily leave you.

 

I know a couple who had sex their first date that are still married now. I'm not saying sleep together on a first date, just that I don't think it makes or breaks anything (especially at my age, but I'm older).

[Elsewhere]

Elsewhere, I feel exactly as you do, and am not sure what I keep doing wrong. They say we are giving off "vibes" of desperation, but I am not sure in what capacity. Unless someone is calling all the time, or demanding you be with them every day, etc, I guess I would need to know more of how we are sending these 'signals'.

 

I'm thinking it may be in a way we carry ourselves in general. The way we walk, look at the other person, talk... I used to analyze everything around me toward finding "the one" and even though I looked happy on the outside, it was all act and guys were responding to it that they only wanted the outside of me - not wanting to know who I really am.

Now I'm more relaxed, I found my passions (tennis, old movies), when I talk to someone I don't care he's not a future husband material, just enjoying the conversation. I noticed people are more interested to learn more about me

 

This happens to alot of women even in serious relationships with their boyfriends. I know a handful of my girlfriends that are waiting now 4 and 5 years for a ring! (We are in are mid 20's..early 30's)

 

hah, I know soo many of those couples, it's not only sex, they also cook, do their laundry, they have all responsibilites wifes do but no priviledges

 

but then again I know 2 super happy marriages that had sex on a 1st date

 

I know I will wait as long as I can, always safer to know him better before - sex is addictive and you may end up sticking with a person you completely don't belong with just so you can "rightfully" satisfgy your needs - waste of time