Any more stories of No Contact working

[phx]

Can anyone give stories, or examples of No Contact working out towards their benefit?? I just like to hear that there is hope in this situation. I understand why the no contact rule is important, but I guess I like to have hope for the future.

[TrueHeart]

I can't say as I know exactly.. I'm in the middle of No-contact myself... Wondering if it works as well.. Great topic.

[sachat]

I just broke up with my ex (last week) and I am in the middle of no contact, so I dont know if it,s going to work.

 

But in the past, I was with this guy for one year, and at some point we broke up, and I stop talking to him for about six month, when I did call him back, he seem so happy to hear from me and to see me again, it was really obvious he wanted me back in his life.

 

So I dont know if in the case of my current ex, it will work, but i certainly hope so

[vckyjam]

it's been 7 days no contact and i am hating every second of it, i will let you know if anything happens x

[whitegarden]

in my experience it's a primal thing. The men like to chase. If you call, e-mail, call again he knows he has you and can stop chasing you. Even when he breaks it off. He breaks it off: He assumes you will react like (in his mind) the stero typical girl and yell and scream and demand respect....

 

Wait I am assumeing you want this person back btw.

 

Anyway, if you don't contact him his ego will be hurt. He wont be able to tell his friends how in love with him you are, thereforeeee his friends wont be able to use it to drive the wedge deeper. See what I mean.

 

I have always had success of no contact even if it only helps me move on with my life. You have to hang in there and start replacing the time you use to think about him with something else. It will help break up the desperation.

[janek]

I think there is a middle ground here. My ex broke up with me about seven weeks ago and for the first two weeks I did no contact. He then contacted me because of a death in the family and since then I've initiated contact once every week or two weeks - just short text messages or the odd phone call. He's always very responsive to it and also calls me even if I've only sent texts.

 

I think what's more important is what the contact is saying about how you're doing, not how often it happens. I make sure I sound okay and positive when I talk to my ex (absolutely no relationship talk) and always ask him lots of questions about how he's doing/things in his life etc. I also try to laugh a bit.

 

I think we've got to the stage where he can trust that I won't talk about the relationship and so he kind of enjoys our conversations.

 

I would say do no contact but set yourself a date in the future (say three/four weeks after the break up). If he hasn't contacted you within this time, then contact him with a light and cheery tone. He may well not have contacted you because he thinks you might cry all over him or he doesn't want to give you the impression he's coming back.

 

The trick is to show him you're fine and that you enjoy talking. You need to get them back in your trust and your favour and for them to like talking to you again.

 

I'm not saying this will definitely work out for me, but it might. I just figure it's better than doing no contact for six months and still pining for him. You could be pining away thinking no contact will get them back when in fact they will have moved on with their lives. I think a little contact and light conversations gets you both further away from the mess of the break-up and back into enjoying each other's company.

 

The downside is that contact might prolong you getting over them (if the break-up is meant to be). However, it also prolongs them getting over you (ie more time to reconsider!).

[Something funny]

in my experience it's a primal thing. The men like to chase.

 

So in effect, it should work better on men than women?

[wandering]

phx

 

I am also in the middle of no contact so no report as of yet. However, in past experiences it totally does work if you can somehow distract yourself from obsession and self destruction, which is about to do me in. About two years ago I walked away from a relationship in which I had been taken advantage of for over a year and was just sick and tired of being disappointed and hurt by the person so I just stopped all contact. I didn't hear from him for almost two months - then he kept calling and showing up on my doorstep, and asking me out. He took me out on my birthday as a "friend" and then lost it because I wouldn't invite him in. I just knew I never wanted to go back.

 

As for my current situation, I just don't understand. I have spent almost two years with a guy that I have so much in common with and have such a great time doing nothing with. He conveniently told me how perfect I was for him for two years - just that he is so unhappy with his life right now that he doesn't love anything and just is not in love with me. He wants us to be the best of friends (the kind that sleep together without any other obligations). So when he met a girl 10 years younger than himself, suddenly he spends endless time with her and never even acknowledges me (and I live accross the street) - what a great friend. I got mad enough one day I confronted him and her and told her we had been dating for almost two years and had just recently told me he thought he was crazy for not marrying me already. He turned the situation back on me and told me I ruined our friendship because I acted "psycho" that one time. I really don't think I'm missing out on such a great friend.

 

Anyway, though I know I am probably better off without him, I ache to see his name on my caller ID. It is all I can do to remain calm and keep my sanity. I have been jogging six miles a day and usually throw up when I eat and think about him and his new bed buddy (he slept with her on the second date because he said they "hit it off"). I am forced to see everything since I live right accross the street and cannot distance myself at night. I try my best not to look out the window and not to care; but really it is all an act. I can only focus on myself right now and try to be the best person I can be in hopes that someday he will realize what he threw away like garbage (a person he referred to as a friend) when he met a good looking stranger. I wish there was more I could do - I keep praying for strength ...and praying and praying. It is so hard. It is true that time heals but that doesn't help me today. Good luck to you - I feel your pain and heartache.

[Maverick44]

I've been on no contact for about 7 months with my most recent ex.

 

No contact works for me because it has helped me to move on with my life. She's not back in my life and from time to time I'll reminisce but looking back there are some things that were not fixable unless she changed and she wouldn't.

 

It's not to say she is a bad person but that's just the way it is.

 

I really think No Contact has to be looked at as a way of you moving on witn your life. Don't use it as a way of "getting back" at someone or "getting back" with someone.

 

You have a life to live and when a breakup occurs, it causes some emotional imbalance. No Contact helps restore (at least me) to some emotional balance. I feel back in control of my emotions again and I'm not doing it to get back at her but am instead doing it for my well being and enjoyment of MY life!

 

I personally think that's how No Contact should be used.

 

Maverick

[kungfumaster]

You go Maverick! I agree. I have been on 5 months NC after a 2 year and 3 month relationship. I am not doing spectacularly, but I'm doing okay - way better than 5 months ago.

 

Janek - please be careful with your heart - I think your still hoping that you guys will get back together, but he might not even be thinking that at all - and maybe one day, you'll slip and talk about the relationship and then he'll tell you exactly that, and then you'll be back to square one. Careful - please. Remember - he is getting exactly what he wants, i.e., he breaks up with you, and doesn't feel ANY GUILT over it because your friends with him - are you getting what you want?? Honestly??

 

Good luck everyone - and keep strong with NC!!

[phx]

Thank you all so much for your hope. I know that the best reason to not contact is to start moving on. And thankfully I can tell that is starting to happen. Even though it hasn't been that long, I don't find myself looking at the phone as much to see if he's called, or checking to see if I missed an email from him. I am curious though, how long it takes him to really start missing me. I guess I just don't think that he is thinking with a clear mind just yet, and hasn't truly and clearly thought about the whole situation. I'm not quite sure why I care, but probably just more curiosity than anything else.

 

Also, I do agree... I think that men love the chase. I know that in the past it has been me to go back to him, and patch things up. And now this time, I have stopped all contact. Maybe he doesn't see it that way, but I'm sure he notices that his work and home phone haven't been ringing.

 

Well it's been one official week of no contact. I am so curious to see how this all works out.

 

Any more "No Contact" stories that have worked out in the end??[/b]