Lamentation of loneliness

[Keyman]

Okay, a bit of a vent on where I am in my head this morning...

 

I've just returned from a two week overseas holiday, and I had a fun time, however, all of the friends that I caught up with, including my sister who I stayed with, are all happily in relationships and have children. Yay for being single! I enjoyed catching up with everyone and the time away gave me plenty to think about in relation to my current issues.

 

The flatmate, yes I am still attracted to her, but I was eager to go on my holiday as I wanted to sort out my feelings for her. I think I have done rather well with that and had some opinions from my friends on it. The one thing that I don't want to do is move again, so my self focus and meditation over the holiday was to remove the feelings and bring things back to a friendly level. I thought long and hard about it, and worked with the statement that 'everyone comes into your life for a reason'. So, if she did not come into my life for love, then she came into my life so I can learn something. So, I set about determining what I needed to learn. I don't know if I came to a firm conclusion, but the statement in italics above has helped me pull away. I do not enjoy falling in love with someone to just learn something about my life. My next relationship with be for the rest of my life, so to fall for someone that likely will only be in it a short time, really closed off my feelings. Since getting back, my feelings have stabilised and we actually get along well. I still feel a little lonely, but not for her.

 

So, happy on my merry way this morning, I went into the city early before work and wandered past a coffee shop my ex and I used to frequent in the mornings. This is the ex that brought me to this site and dropped me into a deep dark pit of despair. Well, guess who was sitting there? It's been well over a year since I saw her. She looked nice, but it threw me into the lamentation of loneliness and for the next hour, I could not stop thinking about her. I miss her, or perhaps, I miss being with someone that wants to just be with me. I know this feeling is working against me meeting anyone, but it is there. I have sometimes felt like I do not deserve to be happy, that I have done something so wrong in my life and do not deserve to be with anyone. I know that is self defeating, and have pushed to stop thinking this way and am getting there.

 

Also, since her break up, I have caught up with a close female friend every couple of weeks, and after organising our next meeting, I suddenly felt my feelings begin to spike for her. I don't know if this is right, so next week, when we go to dinner, I feel I have to tell her, so she can laugh at me and it can go away.

 

Lastly, the great job that I have is changing and moving into a not so satisfactory position. I guess all of this has started pushing me into an unhappy place.

 

Anyway, that's me for today... Thanks for reading...

[JusticeLaw9]

It's rough when a relationship ends with a person you were truly in love with. And I can understand not wanting to date just to find out it was another lesson you needed to learn. But it sounds like you're still going through the motions of this relationship breakup and that you still might need time. Maybe you can try to extend your social network and just make new friends; doesn't have to be anyone of any particular interest, just actual friends.

[Panda2008]

At least you recognise you are feeling lonely. I hate to admit that, being a very independent type.

 

I think it's easy when you are feeling lonely and a bit vulnerable to attach feelings to inappropriate people, or those closest to you at the time. At least having a crush is having some hope that you could at least be on your way to your next successful relationship, right?

 

I've been single for 18 months now, more than ready to meet someone else, but it's just not happening. Very frustrating, so I hear you on the loneliness front...

[Keyman]

At least you recognise you are feeling lonely. I hate to admit that, being a very independent type.

 

I've become a very independent person over the last couple of years, and have such a full life. I did this because I didn't want to just sit around at home moping, and I enjoy getting out there, mixing with friends, sports, passions and all the rest. It's great, although it can be a little too busy at times.

 

I read a quote a few years ago that went something like... "Everyone desires someone to tell it to." Which means when I come home from something, there is someone there waiting for me that can ask how was it. They know where you have been and are interested in knowing how that thing actually was. Sure, my flatmate asks "how's it going?" But beyond this small talk, I really am not sure she cares.

 

I think it's easy when you are feeling lonely and a bit vulnerable to attach feelings to inappropriate people, or those closest to you at the time. At least having a crush is having some hope that you could at least be on your way to your next successful relationship, right?

 

Yes, this is true, I do have hope that something will come of this crush, I guess time will tell. Sometimes I wonder if it will be easier to sleep with my ex than getting something going with the crush.

 

I'm going back to just being happy by myself and dealing with the loneliness.