Lost and Confused and I don't know where to go

[loner82]

It has been 5 and half months since my ex left me for another girl. I feel so worthless and hurt that he would do this to me. We were together for 3 years and he always talked about us and the future (like kids, a house,marriage). But in September 02' he tells me that he couldn't see being with me forever and we are just too different and he can't commit to a long distance relationship for 3 more years (he was going to school 80 miles away). I begged him for a few weeks and then finally he says to me "I can't give you that chance right now, I'm with her now". I was crushed but he still said I love you and still wanted to talk and be friends. But then I come to find that this girl was all along his friend that I knew about. He met her in his first year at college but insisted that she had a boyfriend and it was strictly platonic. All along he was messing around behind my back with her (he hid it pretty well). I feel so decieved and it doesn't seem fair that I still am in love with him and gave him my all and now I am miserable without him and hurt and he is in a happy relationship with her.Why is god punishing me when I wasn't the one who was cheating? Why is he so happy with her? I cry myself to sleep at night and ask the same questions: Why doesn't he call me? Does he still think about me? Will he ever want to see me again? I don't call him (it has been 4 months since I talked to him) but believe me I do want to move on with my life. But I still hurt so bad and I feel so much pain and grief about it everyday about how both of them decieved me (she actually told me in a phone conversation with her that she would never steal another girls boyfriend and that I should not break up with him). All my hope is gone and sometimes i just feel so weak that I can't take the pain anymore, I'd rather die than think about him all day and how he shattered my world. I'm baffled at how 3 years and he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I'm lost but I don't know what to do......

[osewa77]

I'm so sorry about what happened. Sometimes life is just not fair, and all we have to do is make the most of it! I'm sure sometimes the pain is crippling, but please try to forget all about him. Maybe you need to write him a long final letter explaining your feelings in full and wishing him luck in his new endeavours... Maybe you'll find someone else when you find the courage to stop being controlled by the deep pain you must be feeling, and start appreciating other things about your life. One thing is, you'll discover that this thing will make you a little bit smarter.

 

Maybe he'll discover how much he needs you later on. THen again, maybe not. But you'll never know until you decide to move on.

[loner82]

Thank you so much for the repy...just reading it made me cry. I know I have to move on but sometimes it just seems when i try he just still wanders in my head. Believe me I want to be happy but all this just seems so surreal. I can't find the answers as to why he is so happy with her when he did the damage and can't even live up to telling me in person what he did. He broke up with me over the phone and even after his friends told me about his infedelities he still has the nerve to tell me he never cheated on me. I'm trying but i am stuck and miserable....he has all the power and knows it. She will always have him and I am in defeat.

[Nico1607306451]

loner, You have no idea how much I feel for you. I don't know why it's always the good people with the honest, true intentions who get hurt so bad by this stuff. And it IS NOT fair for him to be so happy and for you to be miserable. The problem is, there's nothing you can do about it. I know you're mad at everyone around you: him, her, God, yourself, even innocent people who had nothing to do with it, just because they're happy and you're not. I've been through something like this myself, and it aggravated me to no end that he could just walk away and get on with his life while I was stuck with all the leftovers. So I wrote everything down, everything about how he hurt me, how horrible he treated me, how he was a selfish bastard, how my life was ruined and how it was all his fault. And I sent it to him. I made SURE he didn't walk away without knowing that I held him responsible for all of it. It was really the only thing I COULD do. Let your ex know exactly what you're going through. Get it off your chest and let it be his burden, if only for the time it takes him to read through it. And while you're at it, tell him I think he's a worthless pig.

[loner82]

Nico, thanks for the advice. But at this point I just don't want it to seem as if i still am holding on (even though i am) besides he is happy and doesn't want anything to do with me, I don't think a letter will effect him at all. I am pathetic and worthless that is why he left me for her. I will always love this guy and he will be forever happy and in love with her. I'll never be the same.

[osewa77]

I am pathetic and worthless that is why he left me for her. I will always love this guy and he will be forever happy and in love with her. I'll never be the same.

 

Don't worry too much about what they think about you. What matters is your ability to move on! If writing a letter expressing how you really feel will make you feel better (and it should), then go for it! I know its safe to allow things to just go on the way they have been for five months, but I hope you can wake up one morning and say "I've had enough". Its risky but worth it.

 

If you love him, then you should want whatever makes him happy. If being with her makes him happy, fine! Fine!! You are not pathetic and worthless, you only feel that way. When you move on, you'll feel better! I know the feeling although my "situation" was different. Its ok to love this guy, but soon you might find someone else you love much more who won't leave you for someone else.

 

Take the risk of climbing out of where you are. Trust me, its worth it. I agree with Nico's strong suggestion. Whatever you decide, its ok for you to express more of your feeling here; we'll be e-listening.

 

YOU can climb out if you take the risk. Its worth it

[loner82]

This was my first posting:

 

Thanks to osewa77 for the reply...I have had a few days to think about what you said and I realized that I am not pathetic and worthless. I know that I will move on and I will be a better person because of this. Everything happens for a reason and I have to except the fact that he no longer wants anything to do with me. I know that in my heart I loved him dearly and never was unfaithful and treated him with total respect. I tried to give him everything, if he wants to be with her then fine.... it's his loss not mine. I accept the fact that I will never have closure or ever see or hear from him again but that is ok because my life is going to be great. I am going back to school, and I am doing what I want to do not what pleases him. I have to make myself happy. He didn't break me and he didn't take my ability to love. Even though I can't tell him, I forgive him for what he has done to me, all the deception and harsh words and lies. I wish him the best in his life. I hope that one day I will find someone who I can love (and be loved back) and share my life with. I am no longer afraid of moving on and I accept that I will never have the answers to why he did this to me. But I feel so much better, and to anyone in the same situation it does get better.... just give it time and improve on yourself.....take care of yourself....cherish your family and friends who were there for you when your days were silent and grey. Thanks to nico and osewa77!!!!

[jebus]

loner, that was an absolutely beautiful response !

and i PROMISE YOU that you will find someone that will return the respect, gratitude and love that you have given others and that you deserve ! There are guys out there that want exactly the same thing that you want and have been hurt in the exact same way! Theyre out there, and just by reading your response, it wont be too long before someone as genuine as yourself will be snatched up by a true gentleman!

 

peace !

[starblubber]

qwerty qwerty qwerty qwerty qwerty qwerty

[cs20thcenturyfox]

loner, sadly I know what your going through hun, I posted a message called "lost" explaining my breakup with my love of 4 years. I know it hard, and if you need to talk drop me a line k?

[loner82]

Well it has been a while since my last post. There are days when I get sad and just suddenly feel down and break down and cry. But slowly I know it will take time. I am trying to move on and I have accepted things the way that they are. I know It will take time for my feelings of pain and anger to subside but like I said....i have accepted the fact that he is in love and in a happy relationship with someone else. Many people have told me that If I really do love him that I have to be happy for him that he is in love, I have to let go of the anger and hurt and just forgive him for leading me on and lying about his relationship with her. It's hard...it has been almost 7 months now, and sometimes I cry because he doesn't call me or just knowing that he doesn't think about me or miss me. It seems as if 3 years meant nothing to him. But believe me this has made me stronger and each day I try to live my life to the fullest. I know I will never have answers so i don't question anymore. I can't wonder and question anymore why I was the one so faithful and respectful in the relationshiop and now I am the one who is suffering, in pain and alone. Thanks starblubber for the post....it really got me thinking that it is alright to have these feelings and that the process doesn't happen overnight. And cs20centuryfox thank you for understanding what I am going through, and I know that in time you will realize that your breakup happened for a reason and it will make you stronger, wiser and a better person for your next relationship. Realize that if this is what he wants then just let him go. Just please don't lose what is important in your life...your son and you!! I know it's hard to let go but only time can tell if he is really meant for you. Maybe this time away from him will help you focus more on your school and your son and you will find that you really do love him but you don't need someone so selfish who can only think about himself and not about how this breakup will affect your son. Only time can tell and hopefully your heart will soon heal. I am still taking it day by day.