this life lately

[EmptySoul]

hello everyone. just more venting on my life:

 

the girl, the one that our friendship ended over my depression, we are still not friends, and i doubt we ever will be again. she still talks to me sometimes, to tell me things, and it makes me angry b/c it feels like she has me but i don't have her. it's not like she does it to hurt me or anything though, so i don't really have the right to be angry...

 

with the guy. (sorry if you're lost, read my last post *life lately*) he doesn't speak to me at all anymore. today him and 2 of his friends (who make me miserable) walked behind me on the way to 4th hour and laughed at me and whispered the whole way. i just kept walking and ignored them, but god it hurt. by the time i got to lunch i felt like crying; it kills me that he can be so cruel when he knows what i'm going through. i want to get over him to bad, i'm almost out of 8th grade, and we started liking each other the summer before i was in 7th. i don't want to be with him, i just want to reach an understanding, not knowing how he feels is what kills me.

 

there was a guy i really liked a few months ago, when i was still okay. he wanted to be with me but i didnt want a relationship. he ended up moving and i regretted saying no. now he's back in the area, and called me. it felt good to smile after so long. he talked for a few seconds, then asked for my old friends phone number, the one that i ended it with, because we shared too many guys. i gave it to him, he said thanks, that he'd call me later, (he didnt of course) and then that was it. *sigh*

 

i was starting to look forward to going to the counselor, but she had to go out of town or something, so i'm stuck dumping my problems on you poor people. (sorry)

 

 

my relationship with my father is horrible again, he screamed at me when he picked me up from my detention, telling me i should have to pay him $5 for the gas he had to use to drive to the school. and he was angry that i didnt tell him i had it (i told my mother, she was supposed to pick me up) but the reason i didnt tell him is b/c is gets irrationally angry over anything. he is nicer to his dog than he is to his children. it's like he feels he has to have his family obeying him at all times, like he is dying for respect, but all he is getting is FEAR and he doesnt even have that from me anymore. his father treated him like this though, so i can't blame anyone unless i find who started it all...

 

it kills me every day to remember when i had plenty of guys liking me, now i can't think of any. how people used to look at me and talk to me, now its always insults or they just ignore me. i was never highly popular or a prep or anything but i was okay. now it's like a reverse perspective b/c i now know how all these people feel. the ones who walk alone in the halls and dont want anyone to see them, just want to be alone. but they get so LONELY.

 

i am okay with this life, i can handle the stress.

it's the LONLINESS that is killing me.

 

for everyone out there, there is always someone who has a worse situation, a worse life than you, so don't take the easy way out of this hell they call life. hold your head high, and don't let all the people who bring you down WIN

i will not let them win

EVER.

 

love always

EmptySoul

[mtastic]

Emptysoul,

I sympathize with waht you said about being lonely, I was one of those people in highschool and am sitll very much one of those people in college. Its like when i'm alone i want to be with people and when i'm with people i just want to be alone. I hate it and i'm sure you do too. But you were right when you said

"...don't take the easy way out of this hell they call life. hold your head high, and don't let all the people who bring you down WIN"

People like us just have to keep hoping that one day we will find at least one person who will accept us and want to be with us.

I don't really know what to say to help you with your father, except that its something you should bring up with your councilor, and hopefully others on this message board will have advice for that.

Good luck and stay strong,

mtastic

[EmptySoul]

thank you so much for the reply

 

EmptySoul

[Caldus]

I'm about to be a sophomore in college and I still feel that same lonliness that you are talking about. It is very normal during this time of your life to have these kind of feelings. There is nothing wrong with you at all. I would say try to be positive, but I know that when someone says that to me I'm just thinking "yeah whatever, go have fun while I sit here and be miserable." So I will suggest that you get together with that counselor you mentioned and tell her everything you are going through. Sometimes, it just helps to speak out your mind to other people even if the problem is still not solved afterwards. Look what you did here! Don't you already feel a little better just talking about your issues here?

 

Anyway, good luck with what you are going through. Just know that it is possible to achieve happiness in life. That is something that cannot be taken away from anyone. If someone puts their mind to it, they can be happy eventually.