Hobbes Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 Nappy - sorry don't mean to laugh - maybe it's stress, but I can't stop laughing right now... Poor old lady! Maybe I should think twice about the flowers hahaha now you got me laughing my ass off. Sorry Nap! Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 its okay, we need to laugh. Link to comment
ironfreak247 Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 i just read through this thread... Nappy, u and I are in the same exact situation. everything you've said about ur ex is the same way i feel about mine. It's like I didn't know what I really had until she was gone. She wasn't perfect, but no one I've met since has even compared to her. There's so much I wish I could go back and do over cuz looking back...I wasn't giving her the best "ME". We've been split for about 4, almost 5 months now. We've quit talking altogether for the past 2 months. There was a time back in September when it seemed we may reconcile. I am 1000 miles away from her right now and she talked bout flying up to see me and I was excited about it. Then other days she would be so distant, not answering texts or calls. Then once I just put it all out there...that I still loved her, wanted her back but it was obvious she had moved on. I told her I knew there were other guys in her life. She said she knew it was the same for me, and asked if I had slept with anyone yet. I had hooked up with a girl, and I told her. She freaked out, told me if I really cared for her I wouldn't have done that without asking if she had moved on first. She refused to talk to me anymore after that despite my texts n calls. I begged her to listen, to try to work things out, but all I got was "leave me alone or I'll do something about it". Two weeks later, I had to give it one more shot. I called her...she answered. I poured my heart out...then she told me she was seeing someone else. That it was getting serious...they'd met each other's parents. How her family and friends all liked him, that none of them cared for me much anymore, how I had my chances and I couldn't deliver. A couple weeks ago they "officially" entered into a relationship, and right now they're on a trip to LA and San Diego together. How do I know this? Facebook...she finally put pics up of the guy. I'm not impressed....but I'm glad she's happy, no matter how much it kills me inside. I wasn't perfect...there were more things I could have done to show her my love. But like Nappy, I NEVER called her names, insulted her, hit her, cheated on her, and most of the time I walked away from the arguments until we both had calmed down. She however, had hit me, called me names, and sometimes would start fights with me just because she "suspected" I might be doing something wrong. I can honestly say 75% of our fights were started by her. But through it all...I loved this girl deeply, and still do. And I also know that for us to be together again, we BOTH would have to change, but she never saw it that way. To her, it was ME that needed to do all the changing. Link to comment
Hobbes Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 but I'm glad she's happy, no matter how much it kills me inside. I don't think I can feel like that, I have tried but I guess it depends on everything you have been through and how you broke up. (no arguments in my case just vanishing act and on to replacement) I don't even want to feel happy for her at this stage, I want it to fail 100% and for her to land on her ass and realise she messed up. Fat chance I guess. I know it's not a mature angle but it's about me too, I got badly hurt by the person I loved the most in life. To her, it was ME that needed to do all the changing. Yea I can relate to that, I wonder how that will change as time goes on. What if they realise the grass ISNT'T always greener and they made a huge mistake and they preferred you warts and all (less warts now but she doesn't know). I have made loads of changes but as time goes on I think as you said, she was more in need of change than me and she is carrying all these faults into the next relationship. I couldn't go back into this if she didn't realise she needed to change, there would be no point. Then again I think the guy she went to probably feels like the luckiest guy in the world and will put up with anything she shows so it might be a replica of our relationship, seemingly perfect but destined to bomb from one day to the next at some point. Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 Ironfreak: Sorry you are in the same situation. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. When you spoke about your ex. starting fights, it made me remember how my ex started most of the fights. She once accused me of sleeping with my friend's fiance while he was there. I was at their house, got a little too drunk, and they took my keys from me. So I stayed there that night and came home at 5am. She really really accused me of sleeping with this girl!!! She did not let it go for some time. It just made no sense to me. I apologized for coming home at 5am. (Again, could have done something to really show it instead of just saying it). FYI, this was the only time during two years something like that happened. I think a normal woman would be glad they took my keys and just was glad I made it home safe. Yeah, a normal girl would be a little pissed, but to honestly accuse me of sleeping with a friend's fiance with the friend there!!!! That just makes no sense. I feel you being glad they are happy. My ex. had been going out to happy hours, and doing things she never did or suggested doing with me. So as long as she is healthy and having a good time experience new things, I am happy for her. When I see that she went here or there, I get a little jealous wishing I was doing those things with her. I know she has this new and exciting life being single. We were really like a married couple who did not do much. We have to let them learn from their own experiences. For instance, with me, I was single for 5 years before and had a blast, but I knew I missing that someone. I use to be way too outgoing. Then I found her and knew for two years, I was not missing anything about being single. She use to ask why I never wanted to go to clubs anymore and I told her, I went to clubs to meet other woman. I had her, so there was no reason for me to go. Now that she is single, she is enjoying the new experience, but maybe one day the excitement of newness of it will wear off and she will realize what she gave up. Same with you and your ex's rebound guy. Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 You will be surprised. She probably will fall especially with the mentality that she did not do anything wrong. My ex. was "wife material." But she had these expectations of what things should be like. She wanted me to pay for everything, to be making tons of money, and spend it all on her. Its because her sister and friends have guys like that. Shoot, she is at a wedding this weekend. Her friend's marriage was arranged and the guy is wealthy and her friend seems to love him, but they did not meet until the arrangement!!! One thing I had about my ex. was this expectation. I started my own business, I am out there trying, I was stressed about money and clients. Then she would just add to the stress by reminding me constantly how broke I was and that I could not provide for her. But here is what pissed me off so much more. Her father was unemployed and her mother was paying the bills. Her father is a good guy, the economy just got to him. Yet, she would complain, complain, complain about helping me as I started my business. (And I would still take her back, I am crazy!!!) I guess what I was trying to say that if my ex. has those expectation and does not support someone, she is doomed to fail in any relationship. Link to comment
ironfreak247 Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 I know what u mean bout hoping it all falls apart. I have a part of me that wishes that too...that he'll do something real screwed up, like cheat on her or just say something really awful, and she'll think of me and how I'd never do that to her. And I know this guy DOES feel like the luckiest guy right now...cuz I've seen him and she's way out of his league honestly. My ex could have any guy she wanted tho...so I know this guy must be something special for her to get serious with him The thing that's weird to me...I remember when she and I first started dating, she put up lots of pics of us on her Myspace. When we were officially a couple, there were even more. With this guy, she's only put up two pics. Of course, all her friends have to gush over it, sayin how cute they are, etc. It's just a lil strange to me. Maybe she's not feelin him as much as when we were first together...or maybe she's still guarded after us. A part of me is a wishful thinker, hoping that he's just a distraction for her and that when I finally go back to her town, things with this guy will unravel shortly after and later she and I will reconnect. Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 It's probably just a rebound. She is settling for something in an attempt to move forward. But I know how you feel. My ex. is amazing. And I think of the day she meets a new guy. I picture someone who will go running with her, to the mountains, etc.... It kind of drives me crazy. But it doesn't mean they are meant to be. We really have to start thinking about our next woman! Link to comment
ironfreak247 Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 I feel ya on the crazy accusations. One morning my ex was showering for work. She came out the bathroom, which woke me up, and I said "good morning beautiful". She just gave me a look and I was like "what?" She started off on a rant, sayin she knew I was lookin at my phone while she was in the shower to see who called me, that i'll never live my life right, etc. I was asleep! Sure, when she and I were just dating other girls would call my phone...but that was months ago and I was devoted to her now. It turned into a HUGE unnecessary argument. I know this new guy can't make her laugh like I did. I may be wrong, but I have my perception of him, just through his picture. I see him being a good guy, probably gives her lots of attention, but I think she'll get bored cuz he's TOO stable and normal. I know she loved my off-the-wall humor and how she could totally relax around me and not worry bout tryin to be beautiful all the time. Plus he lives 4 hours away, and their time together is limited. But maybe that may turn out to be a good thing...who knows? Link to comment
ironfreak247 Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 It's probably just a rebound. She is settling for something in an attempt to move forward. But I know how you feel. My ex. is amazing. And I think of the day she meets a new guy. I picture someone who will go running with her, to the mountains, etc.... It kind of drives me crazy. But it doesn't mean they are meant to be. We really have to start thinking about our next woman! Yeah, maybe it is a rebound. We've split a few times, and the guys she's dated after were never introduced to her parents though. And her parents apparently love this guy. I've been around myself, dating a few girls, had a couple one night stands. None of it meant anything. I didn't even want to cuddle the girls afterward. In my head I'd keep thinking "Why am I here...this should be her, not this girl" Then there was one girl that I was actually interested in, and it seemed things were going well. I didn't wanna play any games with this girl, so I told her I liked her and would like to see where things went. Things went downhill after that...she grew more distant and we don't talk as much anymore. She's tryin to get over an ex as well, so I guess I came on too strong for her. Oh well...ya can't win 'em all. Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 Sounds like your doing very well Ironfreak. It been two months and I haven't done s**t. I always take breakups hard and it takes a while to get back into a groove. I can hit on woman and get the number I just need to start calling them. Link to comment
ironfreak247 Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 Well as far as meeting women, that's never been a problem. Like you, I'm never alone or go without sex for long if I don't want to. When me and my ex would split, I'd be talkin to another girl in a couple weeks...just tryin to fill the void n keep my mind off her. I never cared for them like I did her. But she saw it as me not caring about her, and I see her point. Just another thing I wish I could take back. Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 I think that is what is making this so hard. I know I can go out and meet women anytime. Its really easy. But to meet that right one. That is totally different. Some guys look only for women who they think will be there next girlfriend. I just talk to women I find attractive. But having been single for so long before and meeting so many women. I swear, most women I meet are the same just with different names. Right before I meet my ex. I stopped pursuing women (going out, hitting on them, etc...). I was just plain tired of it. I was trying to take some time to myself and wouldn't you know it, I meet her. Huh. Now, its like I have to go out and meet these random women who I know don't have anything I really want except for looks. I don't really want to go back to my old habits. I stopped my old habits before I met her for a reason. Now, I have to bring them out just to attempt to move forward. Link to comment
Nappyloxs Posted November 14, 2009 Author Share Posted November 14, 2009 Thanks Eagle The breakup fight was definitely emotional on her part. On the breakup, I wish my ex. put love first. I want to believe that she is capable of doing that. But I think she reached the point where she felt like she did and did not want to do anymore. She has spoken or replied to me since the breakup. A few texts early on just to get some stuff, but that was it. Looking at her pics since the breakup, she doesn't seem totally happy. But even if she still loves me, she is not going to come back. I know her and I know that she fells like she would be caving in and letting her friends and family down. I could tell my ex. the exact same thing as one of her friends/family would and she would say I am wrong or whatever and then go and listen to them. She valued them to a certain degree more than me. Part of it is that people say that I think I am always right, its not the case. I listen, analysis, and state my opinion and I am not easily persuaded. I will totally admit if I am wrong. She on the other hand won't. I took the initiative, may in a wrong way. It probably appeared to be needy, but that was as time went on and she wasn't responding. If you read some of my other threads, my ex now lives with a woman who is controlling, hates men, and hates me. With my ex. being 1) easily influenced, 2) valuing this friend (who wasn't her friend before 3 days before the breakup), 3) being stubborn. I know that no matter what I do, I cannot win her back. I think once she moves out on her own and way from this person, she may realize that she was receiving some bad advice. But there is nothing I can do anymore. In the end, its really on her that I really love her and that I learned what I had to do and that she misses me. But its not going to happen, because there are too many forces against it. Link to comment
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