Is he interested - mixed signals - what to do?

[Betty79]

Where to start - i was seeing this guy for 3 months. It started off good, he was calling, wanting to see me all the time for about a month or so then he got more distant. In the end he said he wasn't ready for a relationship but still really liked me, wanted to see me. I said no I wanted a relationship, didnt do friends with benefits etc. We met up once after this for a drink and he text me to say he had a nice time and I said me too maybe we should do something again sometime and he was quite keen to do this but wouldnt suggest anything, wanted to put the ball in my court. I said i can see nothing has changed and you still do not want more but i do and again he said the i;m not ready thing. Think he split up with longterm ex about 5 months before we started seeing each other.

 

Anyway i basically told him that he can take time and space if thats what he needs and if ever feels differently to come back and if im still available we can think again but i wouldn't be hanging around waiting for him.

 

We have no contact for 6 weeks after that then all of a sudden he starts emailing and texting me. He wouldnt want anything in particular and just kind of made statements about things rather than asking questions. Anyway last wknd I was out with friends watching a match on tv and he ended up coming along to meet me. I thought it would be more of a friends thing but he was quite touchy feely and after my friends had gone he kissed me a few times. I dont get him though. What does he want? Its not as though there was anything in it for him to come and sit with me and my friends for the evening. Its not like i invited him around my house just me and him?

 

He has gone away for 2 weeks now so i wont hear from him but how do i play it with this guy? I really like him and dont mind taking things slowly but dont want to get hurt again....what should i do?

[BriarRose]

In general, when a man says he doesn't want a relationship, it is true (or he doesn't want one with you). And why the 6 week gap? If he was that interested, he wouldn't have let you go so easily, IMO. I wouldn't waste my time with this one.

[citymouse]

 

We have no contact for 6 weeks after that then all of a sudden he starts emailing and texting me. He wouldnt want anything in particular and just kind of made statements about things rather than asking questions.

 

If he were serious about getting back with you, he would have said so plainly, or asked you out so that he could put all his cards on the table.

 

 

 

Anyway last wknd I was out with friends watching a match on tv and he ended up coming along to meet me. I thought it would be more of a friends thing but he was quite touchy feely and after my friends had gone he kissed me a few times.

 

He could have asked you out for a date so he could see you one-on-one. Instead he tagged along to meet you with your friends.... and then he wants to get touchy feely and start up with the kissing. He wants the sexual intimacy without the dating part of it. I'm not saying this to be mean or anything but -- he's not even asking you out! He sounds kind of manipulative IMO.

 

 

... how do i play it with this guy? I really like him and dont mind taking things slowly but dont want to get hurt again....what should i do?

 

 

Why do you like someone who is not asking to see you one-on-one, yet he wants to steal hugs and kisses when you two haven't even seriously talked about getting back together? In my humble opinion you are being way too forgiving of him, way too nice. Probably because you *are* a nice person. He knows full well that you want a relationship, yet he's trying to play with your boundaries a bit and see if you will break down and go to bed with him again. This is NOT a nice way to behave.

 

He is not thinking of your feelings at all! He is behaving as if this is a game.

 

IMO the signals he is giving you are not mixed at all. His signals are loud and clear. He misses sex with you and he wants to wiggle back into your life without having to commit to you or "be there" for you when the chips are down.

 

I honestly think it's in your best interest to (nicely) tell him to back off and let him know you need some space for a few weeks or even a few months.

 

If he really means business with you, he'll give you your space and plot a way to win your heart in a more serious way that is not so flim-flam and confusing.

 

If he doesn't mean business with you, then you'll quickly find out because he will disappear, ride off into the sunset, and/or go try to see if he can score with some other girls.

 

Either way this plays out, you need to protect yourself. DON'T let him toy with you like this.

[Betty79]

I dont know i agree with what you are saying buy i basically told him that last time about the space etc but he popped back up with these silly texts again. I just feel like we are going over the same thing all the time.

[arcadefire]

I have a feeling he was seeing someone else, be it his ex or another woman, during that break period. And now that it didn't work out, he is contacting you again. Perhaps for benefits. He doesn't want the friends thing, clearly.

 

I say get rid of him. You can find someone who wouldn't take "breaks".

[BriarRose]

I have a feeling he was seeing someone else, be it his ex or another woman, during that break period. And now that it didn't work out, he is contacting you again. Perhaps for benefits. He doesn't want the friends thing, clearly.

 

I say get rid of him. You can find someone who wouldn't take "breaks".

..

I totally agree. This is usually the case when we stop hearing from them for a few weeks and then they pop back up.