i'm way too insecure with my relationship..pls help!!!!

[lovekitty]

i'd like to know if it's possible to break an annoying habit?

iv been with my bf for a very long time now and things seem to be perfect, we hav so much in common & i think he's the one.But with being so insecure i'm forever tryin to find out if he feels the same way so i end up being clingy and needy wantin to see him wanting to talk about our feelings with him, which is something every relationship needs really - to be assured.but i need TOO much re-assurence,he tells me he loves me and im his perfect girl but then things start gettin out of hand when i start gettin jealous of him going out and worryin he'll find somebody much better- whish really annoys him (i can tell) so we hav awkward silences and then i end up hating myself because i'm not being all happy and a good girlfriend cos im just moaning about him having a life (which i dont really have) i dont want to lose him because wer so right together and everything would be perfect if i just kept my insecuritys out of it and stop being annoyin instead of the perfect lovely girl he truly likes.i'm scared of pushin him away,and i know that id hav to stop sayin things to ruin it but how do i do that??

[Marianne]

I understand where you coming from.does ur bf include you around his mates ? Why dont you go out and make new friends he might start feeling the way you do Trust is a big thing if you trust him and he trusts you you shouldnt worry about anything.You could try talking talking to him about it express how you feel.

Take care

Marianne

[lovekitty]

well he does include me,he wants me to socialise and go out,but like wen he goes out alone i get fed up,and it all comes down to one subject,girls! i keep bein annoying with not tellin him wats up wen ther is anything but do u think its too late to change?

[Marianne]

Nothing is impossible. If its one subject girls why does he have to when he has you are you his girlfriend. i know how you feel i went out with a guy for 6 years and he use to flirt with other gals and i got sick of that so i went and made new friends i wont mention what happened after that

Darling if hes worth it he will understand how you feeling . Do you trust him ?

[modiac]

All the advice I can give is that you need to trust that what he says is true and be more secure about the relationship. I know it's difficult. I used to be that way with my boyfriend, but once I just said "let it go, whatever happens happens," everything got better. To have a healthy relationship, you need lives outside of each other. So while he's living his, you go live yours. Then your insecurities will diminish.

[candianeh2000]

my advice would be to try to find a number of other friends whom you can be with.

 

I am a guy, and I used to experience your problem with my girlfriend when we first started going out for the first few months. I felt a constant need to be around her to avoid losing her and would even become jealous sometimes when she would go out say shoping with other friends (even if they were female). Some of my friends who I talked to said I should probably do my best to keep these feelings to myself, so while showing I was disappointed over not being able to see her at times, I didn't make her feel guilty or anything over this.

 

The turning point for me came when when we were apart (not broken up, just physically apart) for 2 short periods of time that were almost consecutive. The first period I was mostly at home and by myself. I would call her and she would have to go within a few minutes, or she wouldn't respond to an instant message I had sent. I felt pretty put down and insulted, though in hindsite, I now realize that was just silly on my part.

 

The second period of time, which was only a week or two after the first one, it happened that the schedule of one of my female friends was very available and for basically this whole period of time we hung out and had a great time. We really strengthened our friendship and it wasn't that I forgot about my girlfriend, I just wasn't depressed over not being with her. So the moral of this story is when your boyfriend needs to do things by himself, rather than jealous, find something that YOU can call your own, as I think both people need to have some parts of their life that are their own.

 

Unfortunately, the issue in my case hasn't been completely resolved. In fact, the 2 of us have almost switched roles now. After realizing how much fun this friend of mine can be to spend time with, I naturally wanted to spend more time with her (nothing sexual, just we became very close friends).

 

Unfortunately, I can tell this bothers my girlfriend, and I'm not really sure what to do about it. She'll make the claim that she doesn't want to be possessive but then if I decide to spend time with my friend (I can even invite my gf to come along), she will become annoyed, expecting me to know that she wants me to stay only with her, which seems sort of unfair because on the one hand I can't claim that she is being possessive because she technically never ordered me not to spend time with this friend, but in a sense she is doing this because she is making me feel guilty about spending time with my friend(s).

 

The strange thing is that my gf and this friend are actually pretty close friends themselves--I know I would be a lot less jealous if I knew the friend, even if they were of the opposite sex of my gf. This is starting to become a major conflict, and I'm not quite sure how to handle it.

 

To me a friendship is an exceptionally special bond, something that is like none other. I can completely be myself when I'm with my friends, which sometimes can be difficult when with my gf (you know, im myself, but not too much of myself =) ). I don't really know what to do when my gf acts like this because while I love her more than anything in the whole world, I can't exclusively spend all my time with her and I don't want this problem to cause our relationship to fall apart. Any advice?