Am I missing something here?

[Leighton]

Either I don't understand my ex.. or I'm just too blind to see the big picture?

 

1. Today I carried on with my life. It seems like every time I chase him and force him to talk... he wants nothing to do with me. But I don't talk to him one day, and he's texting me non stop?! Like what?!

 

2. He texts me at midnight saying he needs to talk. I'm like 'is something wrong?', he says 'no, he just wants me to call him'.

 

I do, and we talk on the phone for a bit. He says I need to get my life together and pick a direction for us. Either friends, friends with benefits or work on our relationship. He says I need to get help for my severe trust and insecurity issues though. He says he can't trust me anymore because every time he does, I let him down.

 

He asked "what if I started dating someone.. and she made me happy? you would say all kinds of hateful things to me and try and hurt me like you always do, right?". I said "no, I would say ok and let you be... because it's the right thing to do". He paused for about 10 seconds and said he was shocked that for once, I said the right thing. That he was impressed with my answer and it made him feel close to me again.

 

THEN he said that I should just sleep with him because it's the only thing between us that isn't broken and it's amazing. He said "you know you won't be able to sleep with anyone else, you'll just think of me". I said that was ridiculous and to stop acting like a child. I asked him if he would be able to sleep with someone else after me. He said yes. I said so would I but there's no way in hell I'm gonna just sleep with him while he's dating other people. He says he doesn't want that either, he wants everything with me, but I won't give it to him. We talked for a bit more and he said we had a good talk and we'd talk soon.

 

--- I don't understand him! ONE BIT! Am I just dumb? He says he doesn't love me anymore but then says all of this. Can someone with their head on straight please clarify this for me lol.

[Kain27]

It sounds like he would rather keep you as a friend with benefits. He wants to hold onto you for sex, but explore other options with females. Enjoying the "best" of both worlds.

 

Why did you guys break up? It depends on what you want to do but i would tell him straight up, you don't want to play this game and you will remain friends for the time being (no benefits). Once everything else is sorted then you can decide if you want to be with him or not.

[DontGetStung]

Stop talking to him altogether. He clearly thinks he's got mind control over you but he seems to be losing it. I say you just move on and be done, or else you're setting yourself up for more confusion and pain, which you will deserve if you keep entertaining him.

[happylady]

He sounds like he is manipulating you.

[Leighton]

Ok well just to clarify... the dating thing came up because we were talking about how what we do in our lives doesn't affect us any more. If he was manipulating me, I think he would tell me not to see other people or move on, but he's not.

 

I do feel like he wants to have control over me though.. but that's not really my question, my question is I don't get what he wants from me. He says he doesn't love me, yet does these things all the time and is constantly saying how much he wants this to work and how he'd love to be with me if I'd "LET HIM".

[happylady]

"I do feel like he wants to have control over me though.. but that's not really my question, my question is I don't get what he wants from me."

 

I think you answered your question right there...

 

And to manipulate is to control. manipulation - exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for one's own advantage; "his manipulation of his friends was scandalous"

[Leighton]

Correct... I mean I don't know what he wants out of me.. friends/boyfriend and girlfriend... you know? I don't think he does either.

[happylady]

Who cares what he wants. What do you want? That is all that should matter to you in this situation in my opinion. I think you know deep down he is no good for you but you are so used to him you want to keep him in your life but not get too involved. I personally dont think that is good for either of you mentally in the long run.

 

I personally couldnt just sleep with someone i had deep feelings for without a relationship. It would kill me little by little inside everytime. I would really think of what you decide to do in the end and consider the consequences of everything and ask yourself if you still think it is worth it. Then again alot of us need to experience things to see. I hope you are able to come to some sort of conclusion here. It isnt easy, I experienced something similar with my first love. I knew my limits and although i talked to him on the phone every so often and chatted with him on im I had to let him go after a couple months of that cause I was just holding onto something I knew couldnt and shouldnt be. Good luck.