I missed out on everything...and it makes me want to give up...

[Revolution]

Well, I'm 19, and I know I can't let the past rule my life, but...I had a few good things happen in High School, but not many.

 

I spent my entire high school career homeless, so I could never invite people over, I could never go to sporting events (couldn't afford it), I could never bring over dates, so I dated very sparingly...

 

I look back, and it haunts me. I missed out on so much. and every time I hear people who are still in High School talking bout how they enjoy their lives, my stomach sinks and I feel butterflies in it...then I feel a sinking feeling that chills my spine...I'm sure you may be familiar with it.

 

I just hate having missed out. Life didn't get better...and Now I just feel depressed all the time about it. I sometimes forget about it...but I wake up feeling drained when I dream about it, my head hurting.

 

I have this 15 year old I have a non committed relationship too, and she doesn't want a romantic one, so I am pushing her slowly out of my life.

 

also, she reminds me of what I miss out on, what I missed out on, and just makes me depressed and my stomach with butterflies whenever I'm around her. I just hate it...and this feeling won't go away. I feel so alone in my sentiments about this, and they never go away.

 

what can I do to make this feeling go away for good? I just want another chance...there has to be a reset button somewhere...whether that be to end one's life, or go somewhere new...what do I do?

[LastDays]

I have a very similar feeling...except that I'm 24, have already been through college and high school, and now facing the "real world" having never dated, been in a relationship, or even had sex once. I basically missed out on the best time of my life, and now I'm supposed to be an adult, and I can't ever have sex with 16-year olds (because I'd get arrested). It's difficult to accept, and I'm not sure I really want to accept it - I'd rather just end my life because I don't think I'll ever have any good times, ever. So I know where you are coming from.

 

Also, are you in college? If so, then I can say that at least you have a chance to do things I never did while I was there. But AFTER college, if you're still unsatisfied with your life, then I can definitely see why one would have the feeling that they "missed out" on everything.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

A few years of my high school ("secondary school" over here) were awful. My boyfriend, who I didn't know back then, had incredibly bad depression to the point of being homeschooled and was very close to killing himself.

 

My life now is unrecognizable compared to two years ago, when I had just ended a bad relationship, lived at home and found that hard, and started a university course I didn't like just because it was something to do. I cried almost every day and couldn't see much of a point.

 

Long story short, its now a complete 180. Great relationship, great academic success, moved out, improvement in mental health. Life CAN CHANGE and it so often does. Honestly. You can't see how right now, and I can't either, just as I couldn't way back when. But its the one constant in life - it changes. I feel sick thinking how I nearly killed myself when I was 16...all the things I'd have missed out on. It would have been such a waste.

 

Practically speaking, what can you do that will reframe your thinking and give you a purpose/routine?

[DadaJones]

My HS days sucked too...a youth of alienation...can lead to greatness as an adult...embrace the pain...let it transform you...your affliction is common in this world of fragmentation...no baptism without fire...there are many out there who need your help cause you understand.

[Revolution]

for me it's not about sex...(I lost my virginity at 14) I just miss out on everything. I hate society, and I hate everything around me. I just want to end it.

 

Life has left me bitter as hell.

[LastDays]

for me it's not about sex...(I lost my virginity at 14) I just miss out on everything. I hate society, and I hate everything around me. I just want to end it.

 

Life has left me bitter as hell.

 

Ah, well, for what it's worth (probably not a lot), I envy you for that much. Not getting laid makes me extremely sad and angry. It's one of the many things (though certainly not the ONLY thing) that I'm bitter about, since I don't see myself as capable of ever attracting anyone.

 

I also know the feeling of hating society. Even though I mostly just hate myself, I have urges to make everyone feel as miserable as I am. I also regularly find myself fantasizing about robbing and killing people (when I was a teenager, I listened to too much violent gangsta rap). My logic is, I guess, that if I can't have what other people have, then I want to take it from them at gunpoint.

[xmrth]

I'm 24 and high school is the furthest from my mind. I didn't do much with the time either. Its still too fresh for you and you feel like high school was what will define you life.. and it totally doesn't define it, believe me.

Once you get into your 20's that's when the REAL fun starts. You're at an age now where there's more you can do about your situation, you're not longer as stuck since you can have jobs and get paid better than in high school.

Even though college is really expensive that is another way of really putting high school behind you is college... college erases high school immediately lol!

[blgbird]

I had a similar experience also, I lived in a one bedroom apartment with 6 people. Privacy or inviting people over was out of the question, and because i had to work alot or couldn't afford it, i missed out on a lot of things, i never went to any events, dances or anything like that...but the thing that truly helped was actually volunteering. Alot of people assumed i was doing it to help the less fortunate but it was for very selfish reasons. Whenever I went to the shelters and saw the people less fortunate than me, it made my seemingly sucky life palatable, and look at the things i was thankful for rather than the stuff that i didn't have, because there will always be somebody who seems they have a better life than you...you have to shift the way you think and look at life...but it's not easy and talking to a professional might help you on your way if you think your depression is getting in the way of your everyday life..hope this helps

[knightNshiningarmor]

I hear more about how people hated high school then loved it...me personally i enjoyed the first half then got injured had to quit playing football put on like 50lbs and hated the rest of it...dont worry about what you missed out on....so many people focus on what they missed in life and in doing so are missing out on whats happening this second. My advice is find something your passionate about...go volunteer meet some people who really have it tough. I worked in the burn ward and there i met some truly impacted individuals but seriously I have been there...came very close once...And you know what...you ask most people and many could probably tell you about how they had thought or considered it...and nearly all of them are so glad they havent because somewhere your turn comes around, a person enters your life be it a friend or significant other or maybe its a job or something impacts your life and you get going down a new path and u realize how happy you are from where you once were...seriously man its just not worth it...you do need to rethink the 15 year old because thats the last thing you need but dont worry just give yourself another year and in that year if things havent turned around then give yourself another year but i tell you this...if you work at keeping the right mind set it does turn around...lifes a roller coaster and its about surviving in the downs to be able to live in those ups.

[vhere]

my mind lives in dystopia, and here, people are equally messed up. you can drown in your dreams, or you can take control of it, like google lucid dream or something is the first step. you missed out, but you don't have to miss it anymore. hurray..