daniel4peace Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 So me and my girlfriend of two and a half years recently separated. We decided that it was time for us to be a little more independent. Which I agree with. We seem to depend on each other a little too much and I think it will be good for us to take time for ourselves and really get to know who we are. We agreed to be on a "break" but I miss her already. I miss everything about her. The day after we broke up she came to my house and couldn't stop crying. She was wondering if we were making a mistake. I asked the same thing. I can't figure out the answer. I still love her, very much. We've decided to keep our options open to other possibilities. Although I believe it's FAR too soon to even think about moving on. My question is, How much time should I take? I here that three months is enough, but that seems like so much time. I honestly want to start over with her. We never actually "dated" we just became boyfriend and girlfriend. I was also wondering. If I still have strong feelings for her in a month, is it acceptable to try and ask her out on a date. Thank you for any advice I truly appreciated it. Link to comment
DN Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 If two people are that upset about taking a break it is almost certainly a mistake. Better to sort out the issues that led to that decision. Link to comment
lady00 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Did you feel like you were smothering each other? That's what it sounds like to me from your post. If that's the case, maybe you could work on that by giving each other more space (like not spending every day together, for instance, if that is something that you have been doing up until this point) so that you have time for all of your other endeavors in life. Link to comment
LifeGoesOn09 Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Your situation sounds like mine mate except I initiated the break. She still has max feelings for me. I love her and care for her deeply but am not feeling the same emotions I should do around her as before. Both of us are massively upset by this and crying etc. DN, is it possible that my feelings (excitement, warmth, sexual urges and lust) will come back and if so can they be perminant? See my thread. Cheers. Link to comment
knightNshiningarmor Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 From your other post it seems you both have been eachothers one an only thus far? These relationships often have the hardest times because of how much you have to mature with one another and you learn all your lessons with one person, thats why so many do not work in the long run. First you need to accept and be ok that you two may not end up back together. You need to take this time to work on yourself, get some plans short and long term going, hit the gym, work on bettering yourself so that if you do come back your bringing your best self to the table and hopefully she is to. Establish your own life...being each others one and only most likely means you have been each others entire lives as it too often happens this way with younger relationships. You need to take this time to find yourself, find things to do that make you happy, things that if you do get back together or find someone new that you can bring to that relationship. And find something thats completely yours. I feel that in a healthy relationship both partners need something that is completely their own. I personally have one night a week that is my night and in some ways that has thusly become her night as well. It allows the other person that I am happy with my life and you add to that happiness not that the other person IS your happiness. Daniel...even dumpees often miss their exes, its because we miss the relationship and all of the good that was their. Who was the instigator of the break up..there is always one even if it is being felt by two parties. Why i ask is because it is up to that person to make the next move, that person must come back to the dumpee not the other way around if there is to be any chance with the relationship. If you jump the gun and come back too soon you will ruin your chances. Most people find out very quickly where there emotions lie when the idea of losing them hits, the best way for this to happen is for yourself to get out there and start meeting new people. Otherwise she will go on wondering how she feels but with no deadline...i.e. your going out with another girl if she doesnt figure it out soon youll be lost for good....then odds are there will be no progress made. This will only help yourself out too and take this time to get out those jitters that most men have on a 1 life relationship, your on a break and so separate yourself from your relationship for the mean time. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Why do you need to take a break...why not just see each other once a week and call each other once in the middle of the week and the rest of the time focus on your own individual interests. Independence can be gained just by reducing the amount of time you spend and interact with each other in order to focus on yourselves..there is no need to break or break up. Link to comment
knightNshiningarmor Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 Why do you need to take a break...why not just see each other once a week and call each other once in the middle of the week and the rest of the time focus on your own individual interests. Independence can be gained just by reducing the amount of time you spend and interact with each other in order to focus on yourselves..there is no need to break or break up. sounds to me that maybe they need the break and maybe more then just to find each other...sometimes we break up for good reasons..imo if it last the month then i would be worried if she calls back in 5 days and realizes your it your the one then you got a chance to start over with new guidlines that you need to set... Basically if and when you come back into this relationship you need to set up some boundaries and let her know that if she wants you back that you expect certain things and if she cant do them then you have to be willing to let her go. willingness to let someone go is the true sign of independence and both partners need to have some things they know they want/need in a relationship and be able to stand ground on them. Link to comment
DN Posted October 31, 2009 Share Posted October 31, 2009 DN, is it possible that my feelings (excitement, warmth, sexual urges and lust) will come back and if so can they be perminant? Yes, it is possible - with human relationships almost anything is possible. Link to comment
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