That's it - I'm DONE

[rapunzel]

Thanks all. I woke up very early this morning, like I did yesterday. Only 6 hours sleep the last few nights and I need 7 or 8 to really feel good.

 

The first thing on my mind were the photo images I had seen of him on FB yesterday, and he really does look wonderful in these photos. He is a beautiful man, just a visually stunning creature. It's a fact. And it's OK. I found myself immediately wanting to fall into the old pattern I've been in of crying, pining, blaming myself, etc. It's all too familiar and has really become a habit! I felt the tears coming (at 5:00AM mind you) and stopped myself. I realized that I don't have to go there. I just don't have to, it's an emotional quagmire that I've let myself sink into and even though it's nice and familiar and I am REALLY GOOD at being stuck in it....I can choose to NOT go there.

 

So I immediately tried to replace his image in my mind with this other guy I know, who I heard through the grapevine may like me, and although I'm not sure he's the best pick, I'm attracted to him, I like him...and it's better to stick HIS face in there rather than "dude".

 

So far it's working and I'm not sitting here crying which has been my pattern for quite a long time. I do think I may be turning the corner here. Now I'm going to write down a bunch of things I'm grateful for and remind myself that everything is impermanent and everything is always changing and this painful period is ALL going to be a memory at some point. There are good things to come in my future...and I'm able to write that and not cry. Well, actually that didn't work. I just started to cry....hmmm....

 

Let's try that again. There are good things in my future. Ok, why did that make me cry? It's just FEAR. That's all it is. It's a fleeting emotion and it's not grounded in reality. I don't have to BELIEVE my thoughts....if they are fear and anxiety filled. I don't have to go there. Ok, I think I have a handle on this. It's going to take practice but I KNOW I can do it!

[jenny2001]

I am so impressed with your attitude. Why do we let our ex's get to us? I got an email from a good friend today. Exact quote:

 

i wish you werent such a downer. youre so damned blessed and it makes me mad that you dont appreciate it. things could be so much worse.youre healthy and you have a great career. so what if some douchebag likes someone else. you couldnt ask for a better life.

 

I agree with every word...yet it's so hard to forget the pain they cause us. I wish you and everyone here the best of luck. We are good people and deserve better. I need to keep reminding myself of that one!

[rapunzel]

I am so impressed with your attitude. Why do we let our ex's get to us? I got an email from a good friend today. Exact quote:

 

i wish you werent such a downer. youre so damned blessed and it makes me mad that you dont appreciate it. things could be so much worse.youre healthy and you have a great career. so what if some douchebag likes someone else. you couldnt ask for a better life.

 

I agree with every word...yet it's so hard to forget the pain they cause us. I wish you and everyone here the best of luck. We are good people and deserve better. I need to keep reminding myself of that one!

 

We are human, we fell in love. We are still in "love" with them. That's why they "get" to us. Has your friend never been in love or been left high and dry by a lover?

 

You will get there in your own good time. Perhaps your friend is frustrated by your lack of progress but you have every right to take as long as you need. Healing is not linear.

 

It is hard to forget the pain, but you and I WILL forget the pain. And then we will have to open ourselves up to the possibility (actually, the likelihood) of more pain in a future relationship. Painful times are a part of life, and we just have to accept that everything in life is impermanent and everything eventually will come to an end.

 

So your friend has a point: try to enjoy the present moment because the past is over and the future isn't here yet, so why worry about it? The present and living fully in the present is where you can find happiness and contentment, with or without your ex or a lover. That is the key to a calm and contented life.

[Ms Darcy]

There are good things in your present too.

 

I hope you can move on hon.

 

It will take time for your heart to realize that nothing he does even matters to you anymore.

[Batya33]

I am happy to read this Rapunzel and agree with all the others who have cheered you on. I also applaud your honesty in how you assessed his treatment of you while you were dating.

 

He acted like a jerk in front of you and this should give you some comfort that he is not a man of integrity, not a person you want to be associated with. Just to share - I dated someone who was in a similar group as you - and he had an ex in that group. When we were going to be around the ex - they had recently ended things and she was upset, he asked me if we could please stand apart at this event so that she wouldn't have it in her face. That's the way a classy person does things. That's the way you would do things if you were him, right? Take comfort in that.

 

Feel better.

[Kerrian]

I am so impressed with your attitude. Why do we let our ex's get to us? I got an email from a good friend today. Exact quote:

 

i wish you werent such a downer. youre so damned blessed and it makes me mad that you dont appreciate it. things could be so much worse.youre healthy and you have a great career. so what if some douchebag likes someone else. you couldnt ask for a better life.

 

I agree with every word...yet it's so hard to forget the pain they cause us. I wish you and everyone here the best of luck. We are good people and deserve better. I need to keep reminding myself of that one!

 

You have a very good friend there indeed.

Life will feel as good as it is again soon! And the future always holds lots of good things, if we make it into something good.

 

I've been absolutely terrified of life without my ex-fiancé but you know what...I'm looking forward to moving on, getting away and finding good things in my future. Because they do exist and I want to find them!

 

Anyone who holds you back from that isn't worth holding on to, and we shouldn't let exs who have hurt us repeatedly, mistreated us and disrespected us hold us back any longer from being happy.

So let go! And enjoy life again.