tattoobunnie Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 So my ex and I have been talking every couple of days, catching up, sharing fun stuff and ideas of things, and some talk of the relationship. So last Thurday, after several hours of yapping, he starts bringing up things about what went wrong. I let him talk. Basically, he said that I brought baggage into our relationship and took it out on him. While he admits he has as well, he told me that he was still hurt by me, and couldn't be in a relationship. And that if I chose to not be friends with him, that would hurt him even more. He said, "let's be friends, and it could turn into something more, good. If not, whatever. I was talking to my buddy about it, and he goes, "stop taking all the blame on yourself, I hate when you do that." This past weekend, I started seeing things from his point of view. And wow...the fact he put up with all my crud, made me realize how much he did love me. I'm treating my ex to dinner tonight. I'm wondering if I should bring that tid-bit up. Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 It seems like things are going well for you two still- bring it in the nature of the conversation as you see fit..... and from what you have told me about his past, it would all fit. As we say in the business world... nuture nuture nuture. Keep us updated! Link to comment
DadaJones Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 Well, it would've been great if he conceded to a fault or talked about how he could improve his handling things...everyone has blindspots, everyone has to own up to something they did wrong at some point...if he can't do that the relationship will not work. Link to comment
jimmajam Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 I'm assuming you're the dumpee? Even though he's playing the blame game, I think this is a good step. Just listen to what he has to say and make any comments you feel you need to defend yourself. You broke up because he feels this way, so don't try and argue and change his view. Just make relevant points and compromise on it. Make it work instead of trying to blame one person or thing. Take his "friends" request lightly. Talk enough to keep in touch and get that spark going, but don't be his friend or plan b. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted October 26, 2009 Author Share Posted October 26, 2009 Hmm...I was the one to bring it up. He was the one to say "no mas" It was pretty mutual. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 [...] I started seeing things from his point of view. And wow...the fact he put up with all my crud, made me realize how much he did love me. I'm treating my ex to dinner tonight. I'm wondering if I should bring that tid-bit up. Sure, I would. Regardless of how 'right' I love to be, I also know how much it means to me when someone has actually heard me and has considered my position. This probably goes without saying, but what I probably would not do is ruin the gimme I just gave him by trying to earn back a tis-for-tat. I'd let him chomp on his own win for the night, and I'd let him savor it. In your corner. Link to comment
beerock Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 theres nothing wrong with telling him that you realized he put up with a lot of your issues and you realized that he really did CARE for you. bringing up the word love right away is not really a good thing. caring is the same thing but it doesnt scare people. up to you. As long as you both TRY to work out your issues and take it all in stride and it works out great if not, at least you both tried! Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 Our date was fun. I did bring up that tid-bit during the course of the night. He is the one that brings up love. When we got back to his house, he was bragging about how he could read anyone. I asked him to read me. And of course, he read what he wanted to read...that I was tired and ready for bed, and that I f-ed up. While I said I was glad we broke up cuz it was a jolt, wake up call. He said that we were still healing from before, a matter of bad timing, but it doesn't always mean it will be bad timing. And that it's a positive sign that we were able to be friends through all of this. He's leaving for a business trip tonight, and in two days I'll be vacaying for a few weeks out of the country. I was planning to send him a postcard. Is that enough wooing of a gesture? Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted October 28, 2009 Author Share Posted October 28, 2009 While I can't hold it against him, nor plan to say anything about it, cuz I have something up too. His dating profile is still up. It's been up since I told him a a little over two weeks ago out of a bit of anger "to go find someone else" since he was trying to be physically intimate with me. While we talked about that sex part, the after conversations came, and we're working things out slowly, but surely...I know not to sweat this. Or should I? Cuz, while I have my own dating profile up, I don't really have a strong interest in connecting with anyone else. I have a bunch of people I haven't corresponded back too...heck, I'm in love with my dude. It's a risk when you're not officially back together. But patience is key. Just looking for a little support on this issue. Someone commented to me before, they had one up while they were working things out, but really when they finally got back together, she took it down. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Link to comment
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