POLL: Dating more than one

[avman]

Hey,

 

I haven't posted a poll in quite awhile but I'm interested in how this one turns out. I've seen several posts with partners who cannot make up their minds and seem to be dating more than one person whether or not their lovers knew about it. This seems especially prevalent in long distance relationships where the chance of discovery is less.

 

I'm curious about what people think about this and whether its ok, not ok, or just what you all think.

 

avman

[Nifty_Swifty1]

The problem is that some people don't consider dateing someone adn seeing someone else dateig 2 people. I would, but some people have fuzzy lines if you konw what I mean.

[abcd1234]

Hey avman, interesting poll.

 

Personally, I think that it is wrong to date more than one person at a time.

 

In any relationship it should be about 2 people becoming closer and sharing their love for each other. If there is a 3rd person involved (whether the other partner knows or not) it would take the emphasis off of the 2 people.

 

The person who is in the 2 different relationships may find it harder to commit to either of them and so either of the relationships could be broken-up more easily.

 

abcd1234

[mahlina]

Yes I have. In terms of dating exclusively, no I haven't! I think that if I am just seeing someone, then I'm pretty much open to seeing other people as well. So, in that case, I think it's okay to date more than one person at a time, just to hang out, or get to know each other. That's where I draw the line between other factors such as 'kissing' or 'holding hands.' If I'm not in an exclusive relationship with the other person, then no kissing or holding hands, just dinner, date, and hanging out just for the purpose of getting to know each other.

 

But, in terms of being in a long distance, or exclusive relationship in general, I think it's wrong to see other people, especially when you have a significant other, in whom you turn to. If your partner is someone who you confide in, then it's wrong to share that 'bond' with a 3rd party. I hope this made sense.

 

So:

1. Dating (for me) = "seeing" each other- It's okay.

2. Actual relationship = 'keeping relationships exlusive'- not okay.

 

Hope this Helps!

Mahlina

[avman]

Yeah I mean it just seems those lines are SO gray now and people just aren't really willing to commit to something and see if it works before they start testing new relationships.

 

I dont know. I mean I suppose if its totally casual and there isn't really a 'relationship' formed then does it really matter if people see others? But where do you stop and say "I can't start anything with you, I'm taken". Once you say I love you? Once you sleep together? Once you are engaged/married or give somone a promise ring?

[abcd1234]

I would say that you would have to say no to other relationships when the relationship begins to get serious, by that i mean lots of frequent kissing and anything more than that.

 

If its only holding hands and flirting etc. then i would say that seeing others is compleyely fine but when you are properly into a relationship then seeing others becomes wrong.

 

abcd1234

[lunatic]

Whoa hold the horses here!!!! I read that poll and I thought it was referring to a person who is dating two people at the same time. Right now I am see two women and they know that I am dating other people. The thing here is that I met them around the same time and I continue to see them till I figure out who I want to be with. Why should I settle for someone when I am not sure which one I want. I have settled before and I refuse to do it anymore. Why can't someone date more than one person if they are not in an exclusive relationship????? I don't see the problem here and I can tell you that the ladies I am dating are probably doing the same to me. I tell them what is going on because I am an honest person and I don't want to lead anyone on. If I feel one is getting more serious then the other will know that and I will cut the ties. I would still want to remain friends with her.

 

Well that is my 2 cents.

 

Hubman

[avman]

Ok, so hubman your situation sounds like something where everyone has already agreed in advance that its cool. So thats something I could understand.

 

Lets say that you know that both people want a committment - but you (hypothetical you) can't decide between then. You don't want to hurt or lose either of them. And maybe they know about each other and maybe they don't. So you keep dating them both. Is that an ok situation? Because you don't think you've committed? Yet the other people are thinking/hoping you have or will? I know this really gets to be a mess. And I get turned around myself when I'm trying to advise someone in these situations.

[lunatic]

OK now that is interesting. I know one thing about this though because I did this when I was 18 and I lost all three of the women that I was dating because I could not decide. So I guess you should know when it is time to make up you mind. If you don't you will lose all of them and that would be worse. I can see what you are writing about. I guess I would make a choice to date one exclusively. Even though I don't want to lose all of the women I was dating. It comes down to the crap or get off the pot syndrome. hee hee

 

I do tend to favor one more than another even now. I guess I would choose the one that I liked the best and hope it all works out.

 

 

I guess that I would have to agree that dating two people at one time if there is some form of commitment is wrong.

 

Thanks Avman for getting me in this hot water now! HAHAHAHA

only kidding.

 

-Hubman

[Brownsville Girl]

I think it all has to do with communication. Traditionally in western societies (and probably many others) monogomous initmate relationships are the cornerstone, one could debate back and forth as to what's 'right'. I think if you're open, honest and straight forward with everyone involved then you're not doing anything 'wrong'. If people are informed, then they are free to make their own decisions based on their needs. I think the wrong doing lies in the deception. If a person is confused and can't decide but they express their feelings truthfully to all of the people then to me, it's hard to say their doing something wrong. I mean they may be putting everyone involved, including themselves in a sucky situation but unfortunately that's the way it goes in the rough and tumble worlds of relationships. If everyone knows what's going on then each can decide if it's a situation they want to be in.

 

Problem is that I have observed in these scenarios (being a particpant and an observer) is that it's so hard to maintain honesty, especially in these situations. It's easier to hide, deceive in the short run anyway. It's also common for people to rationalize not being truthful becaue they think they're avoiding hurting the other person. Which in my opinion isn't fair because you take away their right to an educated decision. Just my 2 cents

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I guess it's just the Kansas in me, but here's how I see things. Anything past a 3rd date is ether a good friend or warrants making somewhat of a commitment to i.e. stop dating around.

 

Now me and my friends go out all the time. I take some of my female type friends out to the movies or dinner all the time, but that's because they're my friends (most of them are married or otherwise taken). As for real dates I don't see any difference between seeing someone and dating. I know most people don't see things that way though.

[KatieCutie0]

i havent ever dated more than 1 person at once, but it was done to me once, it made me feel really aweful, for a really long time too. but i got over it eventually.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey

 

I've never cheated but got close plenty of times (mutual fault) and the thought does cross my mind everynow and then but I don't think I'll ever do it, it won't feel right and I'll be in so much guilt just thinking about it.

 

Heb

[neva_black_n_white]

i would say to date would be one person and to have more than one it was putting it in kinder terms of cheating. so i answered the question how you put it. but dating more than one person seems to make me come up with when people were younger and dating more than one.

 

i remember having kissed an ex whilst with someone and because i find it difficult that day i told the person i was seeing, i was told that it was ok and understandable. how is that? well i know the situation and it fits but that person must have really liked me for it not to affect him severly.

 

kel

[buffalosoldier]

I agree with Mahlina and brownsville. i think its hard to actually define what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' but i believe that if someone is getting hurt in the process then something is wrong somewhere along the lines.-thats not to say that a person is necessarily wrong, just that something is not right. i have never dated or seen more than one person at a time, i am very much a one-man-woman,- it doesnt work for me but i dont see a problem with others doing it, so long as all parties no the score so to speak. If everyone is up front and honest about what is or isnt going on, then yes, people still could be hurt but it is better to know the truth. I have just personally never done it because it would cause too many complications for me, and i guess it was just the way i was bought up.

 

But from another point of view i dont think it is as bad to see other people if you are just casually dating, i mean you are not tied to anyone and if everyone is having fun then why not?But in a relationship,sorry,but never.i am extremely faithful and would always hope that whoever i am with would have the decency to return the favour. I have always believed that you should treat people how you would like to be treated, and if people dont respect that-well you dont need them.

 

Anyway im rambling, thats my 2p!

 

Buffs

[headbanger]

You made it so you can only choose one, well I had to choose Yes, and they new. Niether were exclusive at the time.

It has been done to me though. She had a boyfriend of 3 years out of town. We met and we started dating. I new of him, he however did not know of me. I felt sorry for the guy, I felt sorry for myself. I was in retrospect an idiot for continuing with her. Of course I fell for her HARD! It sucked when he would come into town and I was out of the picture for the weekend. He would go home and everything would return to normal in the next couple of days. But it still sucked. Anyway she moved to be with him to find out if he was what she wanted. They broke up after she found out he was really an ass and came back to me. It was long distance and knowing her past (turns out she was never faithful to him, before I was in the picture, so knowing this I couldn't help but feel I would most likely be put in the same situation as him, but it would have served me right) I couldn't trust her (I kept thinking: you know she was pretty dead set on moving and taking this chance with him all the time saying I was the only one for her) What a load of crap that was. She kept on saying she wanted to move back and get married I said "move back"! Then a week later she wanted to stay and work on her career? She flip flopped between the two of us A LOT!. Anyway after the last flake out I pretty much had had it with her ways.

[party_of_italy]

i think if you can't decide between two people, dating both of them is the last thing you'd want to do. if you can't decide you shouldn't be dating either of them, because you apparently don't like one of them the way you should if you wanted to have a relationship with them.

[lil_unique_me]

i just wana say that i think this is a good idea but that it is also quite a personal thing cos not evry one likes to tlak about it.

but thats just me

otherwise i think its a good idea.

Catie xxx