TRUST

[musicfreak411]

hey i know my gf and i love eachother to death but i have a thing with trust. She is the type of girl that flirts with guys and im the type of guy that gets jealous easily. She had hung out with her ex all day and they were flirting with eachother so much but they only like eachother as friends. Naturally i blew up . k here are my questions:

 

How do u trust someone better?

How do u not get so jealous when he/ she is with another guy/girl?

If u know the person loves u and then they go and dance with another guy because u can't dance.....what would u do?

how do u recover from breaking trust and getting too jealous about something so little? like how can i mend the relationship.

 

I really love her and her me, but i have a really bad habit with jealousy and trusting her not to cheat on me. ne advice would be great

 

THANKS

musicfreak411

[Michael2]

People might disagree with me here. But I dont care.

 

Why is she hanging out with her ex. Flirting with him, what is the deal with that.

 

Do want a girl like this in your life that doesnt respect your relationship.

 

IF you get mad over silly things, that is a different story and you can work on that.

 

But in regards to the ex, hogwash, I wouldnt deal with it, neither should you.

 

I am most likely many years your senior, and when ex's come into the picture, your life can turn upside down. Relationships are stressful enough, add in an ex, and watch out.

[bb13]

I agree with Michael. She shouldnt be flirting with her ex. Personally, I dont explode with anger over anything. I try to act with reason and be calm but this would anger me. You can work on your trust but she has to work on it with you. You cant just try to trust her. She has to show you that she is committed to you at the time. You cant do it alone.

[Fisch]

SUp guyz,

Yea i agree with michael IF musicfreak's definition of flirting is what i have in my head. You should be able to deal with your girl having friends, of course, but people on the average or not mentally retarted and we can read body language and subtext, we know when two people are trying to attract eachother specially the ex. You can tell what is reasonable or not, is she taking REAL time away from being with you to be with other people in an unfair way or at an unfair amount. Im sorry if this makes you feel bad but hey: even if you are jealous and even if she is REALLY doing something wrong, the worst thing that you can do is be super clingy or be a doormat and just get super angry or beg. The proper attitude, in my opinion would be the sort of attitude as the one taken on while issiuing the no-contact rule. Show your partner that what they are doing is hurting you and making you less interested in really being with them by showing them that you are on the same level of trust by not getting SUPER angry or super sad, just talk with her in a level headed fashion when it happens, or show her in some creative way that what she is doing is having negative effects that YOU dont want to have to deal with, and if she disagrees with you then im afraid you simply believe in different things, or the nature of your relationship is on the incompatible side. However if you want more specific advice on what is a reasonable situation to get jealous over i would make another more specific post. Good luck man.

-You pal fisch

[mahlina]

I have to agree with Michael2 (I love your advice btw),

 

This is what I've learned, if a relationship brings you up, then that's the relationship to keep. (I know, I should stop giving advice, but can't help it, I love giving advice). Your topic is very common, when it comes to 'trust' in a relationship. This is what I've learned so far, if you can't trust someone, then perhaps, it's best that you're not with them. I know that trust develops over time, but if she's being inconsiderate, like hanging out with the ex, then she's not respecting the boundaries of your relationship.

 

At this point, I'm kinda getting sick of others getting hurt. So, my best advice is:

1.If a person brings you up in life, if you feel as though they're helping you to strive forward in life, then that is the person who you should keep! 2. But, if a person holds you down, by giving you trouble, problems, or heartaches, then they're not worth your time!

 

I think that we should be wise with the people, who we choose to 'get to know' or date! If they're going to help motivate us, then we must not take people like that for granted, but to cherish them! Life's too hard to think about these little dramas. There's so many big issues out there, and the last thing that we need, is for someone to break our hearts, and stomp all over us! thereforeeee, if someone leaves you feeling 'distrusful', and destroys that very precious infratstructure of your being, your heart, then, he/she simply is not the 'right' person for you! Our emotions are delicate. Don't let anyone toy with your emotions.

 

I can see that you might be feeling a little 'insecure' or jealous, but that's normal. But, if your girlfriend is rubbing it in your face, by flirting with other guys, and most of all, hanging out with her ex, then she is being SELFISH and DISRESPECTING your relationship! That's just how I see it!

 

In a mature relationship, couples should try to inspire each other, rather than 'hurt' each other. If she's not aware of how her actions are hurting you, then communicate it with her. If she's not willing to change or do anything about it, then drop her! Life's too short to worry about our pain! It's too short to think about, "Oh can I trust this person or not?!" We don't need to feel that way! Instead, we need to feel "self-fulfillment!"

 

If this relationship gives you that much grief, then I'd say, you're better off alone! After all, life's about finding you! Being the best that you can be! And if she's not being your support system, and you vice versa, then the relationship is going nowhere, and thereforeeee, is a 'waste of time.' Focus on positive people, those who actually help you to 'improve' your life, and bring it at a higher level!

 

I'm sorry, it just makes me mad to see people get mistreated! I wish that relationships can work out for the best! But, this is all a learning experience! So:

1. Communicate

2. Giver her time, see if she's willing to improve.

3. Re-evaluate, if necessary.

 

Life's too precious! Don't waste your time on those who will bring you down! Instead, focus on those who bring you to a higher level! That's what life's about! Improving ourselves, and finding happiness, through personal 'fulfillment!' That's all I gotta say for now...Back to work! Hehe!

 

Take Care!

Mahlina

 

P.S.- I apologize if this is not the advice that you expect, but that's just what I see, based on experience. We shouldn't focus on those who weigh us down, because all they will do, is pull us even further! So, try not to waste your time. Communicate, and if nothing changes, then drop her. After all, she's not the last person in this world right? Feel better k?!

[musicfreak411]

Hey everyone thanks for answering my post. He is what i have talked to her about and what she has said:

 

 

We were at a dance w/ another couple (that we are really good friends with) and her brother. Her brother went off and did his own thing and the rest of us danced together. The only thing the other guy and i can dance to is slow dance type music. We can't dance to nething else. Never really learned. My gf can dance to just about nething that is being played. So can my friends date. So us 2 guys start dancing and try to look like we know what we are doing and be funny about it and make the girls laugh. His date laughed, my girlfriend said,"what r u doing? U don't know what ur doing. u don't know how to dance do u?" She doesn't recall saying this but i do. I went and sat down with my gf and the other couple. Then i went outside with the other couple and lost her when we came back in. When i finally find her she is dancing w/ another guy. I didn't think nething of it because she was talking about the dance the entire night and couldn't wait for it to start and I wanted her to have a good time. But when there were songs that i knew how to dance to she didn't even go looking for me. She danced with the same guy all night that she had just met. When i talked to her about it she said she tried looking for me and i said i was in the same spot the whole night sitting there. She had given him her # and he calls her now everynight. She keeps telling me they are just friends and that she likes me alot more then him. When i called her last night the phone kept ringing and ringing. She can see who calls in, so i hung up and called right back. She picked up and said she was talking to a friend. I asked if it was him and she said yes.

 

 

Have ne suggestions for me on this?

[Michael2]

Hmm, 3....2....1.... LAUNCH HER!

 

She has no respect for you what so ever. Keep playing these games and she will make you her doormat.