Giving him the gift of space and time...

[tattoobunnie]

I was planning to send a letter to let my ex know I'd be doing no contact for a while. I was getting all kinds of different advice from friends, from support to get rid of him...then my brother reminded me of instead of working with assumptions, to ask him openly about things, be clear about odd things that had been said, then give him some time to think about it.

 

We both met each other after still reeling from past painful relationships. We took it slow, and it grew into a meaningful relationship between us. I started getting scared a few months ago, and initiated breaking up.

 

Fast forward a month and a half, after still consistently hanging out each week, he said some things drunkenly on our trip home from somewhere, that "he never wants to get married again, and that I should give up on him." I took my brother's advice, instead of just completely not communicating. I asked my ex if he meant what he said on our ride home, or if he said then to hurt me, and that it worked. I told my ex to take a day to think about it, and get back to me. I figured he was thinking since he took about three days.

 

The conversation started out as catching up on things. I then told him how I got scared, and when I do, I do stupid things. That it was something I wanted to change about me, and that I was sorry for hurting him. He said those things on the train in a drunken stupor. He then told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship right now. He asked me how I felt about that. I told him I understood and accepted that. And that I wanted to be with him, and that I love him. And that I feel like I screwed up.

 

He then said, "I wasn't prepared for this conversation. I wanna think about it. Think about how I feel, and what I want, and I'll get back to you."

 

I said, "We've been through a lot in our past." How I shared my situation with someone I met, and that I told him he was the one. "I want to respect you space. And if anything, I am here as your friend." Then, I ended the conversation.

 

I felt relieved after we spoke. I've been going out and having fun. He is in my heart. While I'm surprised that his statement changed after I laid my cards out on the table...all I can do now is go live my life.

 

This is a shout out to the peeps on here. It's awesome to have this support system. Thanks for reading and commenting...no matter how off the wall or mundane with what I share. I appreciate it.

[SapphireNoir10]

You dont HAVE to tell him your going NC, just do it, because if he wants to get back together im pretty sure he can come to you and let you know. Until then carry on doing what your doing.

[tattoobunnie]

I'm not doing NC. I'm kinda not concerned about needing to know about us at this moment. I feel good. I want him to have some time to think about things. And if you respect a person, which I do respect him, it's okay to communicate your intentions.

[SapphireNoir10]

I only suggest it because sometimes its hard to get friendzoned and it really holds you back in healing.

 

It is good you are giving him space...do you think the relationship is really over?

 

I think you are looking at it in a grown up way.

 

However I dont think there is anything wrong with NC, I dont think it shows lack of respect, its just everyone heals differently.

[tattoobunnie]

I have done that in past relationships. I don't think it's needed in our situation here. It needs communication and love.

 

Relationships take two people's efforts...so it could be over, it could be started over...it could turn into something else.

[SapphireNoir10]

I think in your situation, if you think its the right thing to do, then it really is the right thing to do. You sound on good terms. I take it wasnt a horrible break up.

 

I think its good that he said he'll get back to you as well. If that was me I'd be wondering when he would, but you sound like your just getting on with your life...are you talking much now?

[tattoobunnie]

We were before...I'm not trying to rush things along with pressure or constant contant. He needs time to think. There is life to live outside of our relationship.

 

Check out mayday's post...just read it now, and it's awesome:

 

 

You might get something from it yourself.

[tattoobunnie]

Also...while I do these mini-tortures on myself...noticing his on-line dating profile is up. Well so is mine (on another very private site...just to keep myself a little less on edge). He may go out and meet new women, date. And this past weekend, I exchanged phone numbers, and kissed someone else.

 

The thing is...all that torture (concoctions, situations, stories) I create in my own mind about him, they are really just stories...I love him and I wanna be with him. I want him so much, and I also want him to be happy. I hope I get another chance to work things out with him.

 

Who knows in this world...there is no magic word, formula...cuz then it'd be the million dollar answer. I just learned it takes work and a giving heart. Him being on-line...he knows it's a hot button for me, and I'm not going to react. I guess cuz really, it kinda means nothing...just means we're broken up.