does this sort of behavior usually make women upset?

[peebo]

sorry, i dont mean to make any sweeping generalizations, but i couldn't really come up with a good title for this as its kind of an involved question.

 

basically, i'm shy(er) around women, yadda yadda. most of my friends, however, aren't and have lots of girlfriends and lots of female friends and what not. now, when i'm with them i'm very social, talkative, and normal. but when there are girls around, especially ones i dont know that well, i sort of clam up and cant really think of anything to say in conversation.

 

this is very noticeable, and i'm asked about it quite often or i hear them talking. i know they know why, and i can't help but think it makes them irritated with me (which makes me even more hesitant to try and socialize with them). is this the case, or am i just imagining things?

 

i hope this made some kind of sense to somebody.

 

also, was unsure whether i should have posted this in the friends and friendships forum or this one...

[gsxr104]

I think if you relax, open yourself up and be yourself, you'll find that you're a pretty interesting person. We all have our weak points, but we have our strong points as well.

Of course you don't want to try and start a conversation about Star Trek or something like that, you know!

[Siriana]

No, this doesn't makes us upset.

You are still young and your friends are insecure too so it bothers them. If you guys were slightly older they wouldn't have an issue with it and they would try to be of help to you in the right way. Right now they are just stupid boys.

The only advice I have for you is to try to deal with that shyness in the best possible way and to try to make that fear smaller than it is now. I am sure there is plenty of resources on disposal you can use. Don't let this fear block you and stop you from improving.

This is just a small obstacle you can deal with. Life is full of challenges so consider this one of them. Good luck.

[cocopuff]

 

...but when there are girls around, especially ones i dont know that well, i sort of clam up and cant really think of anything to say in conversation.

 

 

You are consciously choosing this anti-social behavior because you are getting something out of it on some level.

 

To begin with, what do you think you are getting out of it?

In what way do their reactions to your behavior serve you?

[peebo]

You are consciously choosing this anti-social behavior because you are getting something out of it on some level.

 

To begin with, what do you think you are getting out of it?

In what way do their reactions to your behavior serve you?

 

What? I don't know..I don't think I get anything out of it. It mostly causes me grief. And are you sure you didn't mean "subconsciously?"

 

I get the feeling that you think you know what's going on, but are holding back. Please elaborate.

[cocopuff]

 

1) What? I don't know..I don't think I get anything out of it. It mostly causes me grief.

 

2) And are you sure you didn't mean "subconsciously?"

 

3) I get the feeling that you think you know what's going on, but are holding back. Please elaborate.

 

 

I have separated your quote and added a number for reference.

 

In sentence #1, I know you are surprised by what I have said, but that is because I have turned it around and put it back onto you. The reason I had to turn it around was because you had projected your 'shyness problem' onto the new females in your group... the ones you were less familiar with. In doing so, the cause of your problem then appeared in your own mind as having originated from their presence and not from conscious choices that you were making. In other words, THEY suddenly became the cause of your sudden, yet chosen introverted behavior... not you.

 

You don't think you get anything out of it but in fact, you do. Actually, it is your 'ego' that does. There is an entity within all of us that is called our ego. I'm not talking about an over-inflated ego or anything like that which is how we usually refer to the ego. I am talking about a very passive-aggressive and mainly subliminal part of that same ego that we are rarely aware of when it is in action.

 

That part of our ego is where self-denial comes from. Whenever we deny ourselves of anything that is good or that would be of great benefit to us, it is that part of our ego that is trying to convince us that we are not worthy of it. In your particular case, it is that part of your ego that makes you clam-up when new females present themselves to you. What your ego "gets out of it", is the successful accomplishment of denying you new female friends. The non-ego part of you really wants to meet these girls but fails miserably at providing you that pleasure, due to the overriding strength of your ego in it's ability to deny pleasure. In causing you grief, your ego scores yet another victory in your acknowledgment of that grief.

 

In sentence #2, I did not mean "subconsciously". The reason this happens "consciously", is because we are actually fully aware at all times when ego is at work and we make 'conscious' choices based on the ego's activities.

 

We have become so use to ego being in our lives from about the age of 3 (which is when ego becomes fully developed), that we do not recognize it's passive presence, which is fully operational 24/7. The fact that you are aware of how you behave when new women walk into the room, along with a full awareness of how you WILL behave in the future IF any new women come into your life, is testament to your shyness residing at the 'conscious' level of your mind... not the 'subconscious' level. You are very much aware of all aspects of it at all times. For your awareness of it to reside at the 'subconscious' level, you and I would not even be having this conversation right now because you would not be aware of any perceived problem.

 

In sentence #3, I don't know what is going on with you as a person because I do not know you personally. I do however, know what is going on with your ego because when it comes to ego (passive or aggressive), we are actually all the same. Being the same, we are all very predictable.

 

Knowing that we are all exactly the same in ego-mind, one can use that information to one's advantage in social or business settings, as we already know how the other person's ego will try to deny them. If that person is unaware of their own ego's intentions, we can then take full advantage of their anticipated ego-behavior to serve our own purposes.

 

We can 'gently massage' or 'manipulate' the other person's ego to direct it into leading that person in the direction that we want them to go, do the things we want them to do or give us what it is that we need. We do not have to 'sell' them on anything, as we only need to influence their ego using the same passive-aggressive rules by which their ego operates and by which our own ego operates as well. Their ego in turn, will direct them to provide handsomely for you in any way that you choose. At the same time, their ego will take all of the credit for any perceived gain as well as full credit for the inevitable fall. Either way is a win-win situation for their ego. This usually results in a lose-lose situation for the non-ego part of that person, as it fails to thwart the prevalent power of ego.